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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    The universe is telling you it's time to stop (thank god we didn't listen to this person as we wouldn't have our Ds2)
    My mum is a beautiful person, but she's very much from the school of "everything happens for a reason/the universe is sending a message".

    After a family friend miscarried what would have been her 4th child, mum said to me " perhaps the universe is sending her a message that she is done".

    Since it wasn't my loss and I wasn't in the throes of grief, I had the ability to 100% call her on the inappropriateness of her comment. I asked how she could say that because according to her theory then I should not have kept trying for DS since the 'universe' had told me (twice) that we were apparently done!

    It definitely shocked her, but she seriously had no clue that her comment about someone else was personally insulting to me and what I had gone through. I can only hope this stopped her from saying "everything happens for a reason" when she saw the friend next, as she does like to pull that one out quite regularly.

    Like I said, beautiful person, all full of good intentions, but seriously no clue sometimes!

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  3. #52
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    Default Recurrent pregnancy loss - things people say

    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    I think Harvs and @delirium made good points. We're grieving. I was awake at 2am this morning sobbing and having flashbacks to the moment I had to let my boy go, still alive but passing, so I could go into surgery. Why is someone in my condition expected to be understanding at all times that others might feel uncomfortable about my personal tragedy and say the wrong thing? I can barely muster the emotional fortitude to get out of bed in the mornings. Having said that, I actually do understand, I'm just honestly too miserable to care that much about the discomfort of others right now.
    I'm heartbroken for you reading that

    I think that's a good point, it's about you, not the other person. I've had 3 early losses in a row and I had a few pearlers. People don't understand that the one comment they make, can leave you sobbing for hours. It wasn't meant to be. You'll be able to try again. At least it was early.

    It's not like losing your favourite pair of shoes which is now some comments are framed. It's the loss of a future, a unique baby of yours that will never be again, the dreams you had for him or her and for yourself.

    People often feel they need to give advice or point you to the future when really, the best thing they can say is "I'm so sorry this happened to you, your sadness is real, I'm here for you if there is anything you need". My darling mother bought me a sweet little box with a pair of tiny baby socks in it, 3 pairs now and there very well could be more. Sometimes it's just about someone acknowledging its a real loss. That time of your life can feel magnified so lovely comments and gestures can stick with you a long time. As do the hurtful comments.

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Anyway, my first day back at work after DS2 was born and died, my boss said 'so how does it feel to not be pregnant anymore?'
    Are you fcking kidding me?! What a fckn moron! What did you say? I'm so sorry you had that experience, I don't think I would personally be able to keep my hands to myself. Rude and inconsiderate. Just horrible!

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  7. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post

    Anyway, my first day back at work after DS2 was born and died, my boss said 'so how does it feel to not be pregnant anymore?'
    I am speechless! I'm so sorry some idiot said that to you.

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  9. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post

    Anyway, my first day back at work after DS2 was born and died, my boss said 'so how does it feel to not be pregnant anymore?'
    Oh Sally, I just can't even find words for this! I'm sorry your boss is such a thoughtless moron

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  11. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by GemimaPuddleduck View Post
    @DT75 please don't let my post discourage you. I am one person and I realise my post was hurtful and should have never been posted. I am sorry to all who I have upset and I will not be back to this thread. xx
    Oh sorry, it wasn't your post that bothered me.

  12. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    You know it's only one person and she did apologise. I understand though, and I'd love to hear some of the corkers you've heard, if you feel like it later xx
    I wasn't clear- it was NOT that post that bothered me.

  13. #58
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    Default Recurrent pregnancy loss - things people say

    This is the perfect way to summarise how I felt about my miscarriages. I still cry every time I read it, even now and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Hugs to all. ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1432454396.015310.jpg

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  15. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by GemimaPuddleduck View Post
    @DT75 please don't let my post discourage you. I am one person and I realise my post was hurtful and should have never been posted. I am sorry to all who I have upset and I will not be back to this thread. xx
    Any time you feel like an irrational rant, please feel free to return

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    That's spot on @lolz83, and beautiful.

    I have to accept some of the blame for my boss. When I had my first miscarriage I grieved for about a week and was then fine again with my usual black humour. I think he thought my 22 week still birth would be similar (after losing his twin earlier in the pregnancy). Maybe a stillbirth feels similar to a miscarriage for some people, but it didn't to me. It's the recurring aspect that gets me, along with the fact that I had to give birth, plan a funeral etc. I don't think my boss got that.


 

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