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  1. #41
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    20 years on I still struggle some days with grieve of losing my babies. It's such a complex thing. I know I blamed myself and my body for my losses. The cruelest thing that was said to me was to stop crying it just a bit of skin and bones.

    Grief is grief. You would say to a newlywed bride oh at least you know you can get married if her hubby died so why does anyone think it would help a saying to a mum.

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  3. #42
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    Ladies, I am so sorry to read of your losses Massive hugs to everyone

    I have had 2 early miscarriages in the last two years. I've heard a lot of the other comments mentioned.

    "At least you've already got your twins - this one wasn't even a baby yet."

    "Maybe you should give up, you're clearly not supposed to have anymore."

    Oh and my FIL keeps making smartar$3 comments to DH (behind my back) that I should get my tubes tied

    A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss," goes far enough.

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  5. #43
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    I think Harvs and @delirium made good points. We're grieving. I was awake at 2am this morning sobbing and having flashbacks to the moment I had to let my boy go, still alive but passing, so I could go into surgery. Why is someone in my condition expected to be understanding at all times that others might feel uncomfortable about my personal tragedy and say the wrong thing? I can barely muster the emotional fortitude to get out of bed in the mornings. Having said that, I actually do understand, I'm just honestly too miserable to care that much about the discomfort of others right now.

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    Default Recurrent pregnancy loss - things people say

    Edit: Removed.
    Last edited by GemimaPuddleduck; 24-05-2015 at 10:55.

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  8. #45
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    If only it was as simple as choosing to see everything in a positive light while greiving. I'm sure all the grieving mothers in this thread would love to be able to just choose positivity. But grief is different for everyone.

    For the record I'm a very positive, optimistic person. I choose to see the best in situations and people. But in the throes of grief that can be impossible, and I don't think it's something that anyone should even feel pressured to strive for. I think grief is a time when you're given a free pass to be negative, depressed, irrational, angry, and feel that life is unfair. Whatever you need to feel at the time to help you through.

    Anyway, I think it's time to move on from this train of conversation as I'd love for this thread to return to the OP's intention of being a safe place for greiving mums to voice the things they can't say IRL, and not feel judged or persecuted for their inner thoughts. They have enough to deal with already.

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  10. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    If only it was as simple as choosing to see everything in a positive light while greiving. I'm sure all the grieving mothers in this thread would love to be able to just choose positivity. But grief is different for everyone.

    For the record I'm a very positive, optimistic person. I choose to see the best in situations and people. But in the throes of grief that can be impossible, and I don't think it's something that anyone should even feel pressured to strive for. I think grief is a time when you're given a free pass to be negative, depressed, irrational, angry, and feel that life is unfair. Whatever you need to feel at the time to help you through.

    Anyway, I think it's time to move on from this train of conversation as I'd love for this thread to return to the OP's intention of being a safe place for greiving mums to voice the things they can't say IRL, and not feel judged or persecuted for their inner thoughts. They have enough to deal with already.
    Thanks Frankenmum. The thread was actually making me feel better until all this started. It would have been better if she'd admitted she'd misjudged the point of the thread instead of talking about how she likes to 'stay positive' (I might add that one to my list), but I think she tried to find a way back in the best way she knows how.

    Anyway, my first day back at work after DS2 was born and died, my boss said 'so how does it feel to not be pregnant anymore?'

  11. #47
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    Thanks @GemimaPuddleduck, I get what you were trying to say, and appreciate your apology.

    I was going to share my loss and "wisdom" shared by family and friends, and empathise with other... but I don't feel like it now.

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    Default Recurrent pregnancy loss - things people say

    .
    Last edited by Sally1981; 24-05-2015 at 18:42.

  13. #49
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    Default Recurrent pregnancy loss - things people say

    @DT75 please don't let my post discourage you. I am one person and I realise my post was hurtful and should have never been posted. I am sorry to all who I have upset and I will not be back to this thread. xx
    Last edited by GemimaPuddleduck; 24-05-2015 at 10:58.

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  15. #50
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    Anyway, my first day back at work after DS2 was born and died, my boss said 'so how does it feel to not be pregnant anymore?'[/QUOTE]


    wow. Some people should *really* not be involved in people management

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