+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 60
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    640
    Thanks
    79
    Thanked
    198
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    'You're still young, it will happen one day'. For some reason that really ****ed me off. And I also got the 'you've got one child, at least you know you can get pregnant' as well. Grr.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to lolz83 For This Useful Post:

    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    642
    Thanks
    314
    Thanked
    191
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week

    Default Recurrent pregnancy loss - things people say

    Edit: Removed
    Last edited by GemimaPuddleduck; 24-05-2015 at 10:56.

  4. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to GemimaPuddleduck For This Useful Post:

    CompareTheMeerkat  (23-05-2015),monkeymama  (23-05-2015),SAgirl  (22-05-2015)

  5. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    2,220
    Thanks
    2,060
    Thanked
    1,922
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hey Gemima, I get where you're coming from. As I said in my post, I know most people are coming from the right place, but the OP created this as a rant thread for those who are, or have been, grieving to be able to express the things that we can't say to these well meaning friends & family. We know they're coming from a good place, and that they care, but sometimes they still unknowingly say things that hurt... And we don't want hurt them by telling them that!

    I think your post, while well meaning, maybe doesn't belong in this thread, as it's just heaping guilt upon grief.

    I do know you meant well though x

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Frankenmum For This Useful Post:

    BettyW  (22-05-2015),Chillies  (23-05-2015),Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  7. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    163
    Thanks
    289
    Thanked
    150
    Reviews
    0
    Of course there's no right things to say. But we're allowed to dislike what people say to us. It doesn't mean we don't care for the person or we think they meant anything bad by it, just that we didn't particularly like or agree with it. Some things people say are like salt into very raw wounds, and sometimes we're so angry at everyone and everything because of our losses.

    At the wake after my child's funeral, one person asked me when was I going back to work, and another told me about a great overseas holiday they'd just gotten home from. Did I have a meltdown at them? No, I know it was a supremely awkward situation. But did I appreciate what they said? No. I couldn't have given a toss about work or holidays when I'd just buried my baby. That's what I took this thread to be about - the silly/awkward/inappropriate things people say

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MaximumStarlight For This Useful Post:

    Chillies  (23-05-2015),Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  9. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,321
    Thanks
    1,552
    Thanked
    2,537
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Gemima, I don't know, I don't think people expect an answer.

    A simple "I'm so sorry this is happening to you" along with a hug and kind ears would be better wouldn't it?

  10. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ExcuseMyFrench For This Useful Post:

    BettyW  (22-05-2015),Chillies  (23-05-2015),clbj  (24-05-2015),Frankenmum  (22-05-2015),Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  11. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,283
    Thanks
    676
    Thanked
    660
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    Or the person who told me that they have recurrent miscarriages now as they have had so many terminations because they 'prefer to just deal with it if it happens rather than having to take a pill everyday', but they're 'lucky' that now they just miscarry every time. I'm pro choice, but this just blew my mind!!! And why tell someone that when they're going through a mc?!?!
    Wow, that may actually be the most messed up thing I've heard all day. What did you say to that??

    Quote Originally Posted by Chillies View Post
    '
    'So sorry, you can have one of mine!'
    See if someone said that to me I'd tell them I'd be more than happy to take one.

    Quote Originally Posted by jude15 View Post
    'I've had a miscarriage too so I know exactly how you feel'... this one is mixed because I know the people who have said it are trying to be kind & sharing something very personal but they all have had just the one loss & they had it after they already had at least one child whereas I have had many losses & no living children & they can never know what that's like. And some of these people have told me that if it wasn't for their children they would have fallen apart - it's children that keep you going - so what's supposed to keep me going then???!!!
    See I had one child before this nightmare began and I know I'm so very lucky for that but I also hear this from people. They say I must be so grateful to have DS1 right now. After my miscarriage I did, but after I lost a twin then DS2 later in the pregnancy (although DS2 was born alive so is that even a stillbirth, I don't know!) all I wanted to do was stop and grieve for DS2 and DS1 got a bit neglected for a while. I just wanted to scream at people that having DS1 does not make the death of DS2 any less real.

    Quote Originally Posted by miissalina View Post
    O yes the things ppl say!!!! I've had someone tell me I'm just as bad as their dog as they also miscarry!!!!!!! And when will I stop ivf and adopt!!!!
    Getting compared to a dog must have been a very new and special moment for you and I've heard that adopting is a very easy, cost affective way of having a child. It doesn't take ages and cause massive stress and anxiety at all - if you're Angelina Jolie.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carpe diem 2013 View Post
    The whole everything happens for a reason spiel!!! Really people.....
    That one is so old isn't it? Followed closely by anything to do with God or religion, or 'natures way of getting rid of disabled children'. Cringe

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Sally1981 For This Useful Post:

    Carpe diem 2013  (22-05-2015)

  13. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    368
    Thanks
    84
    Thanked
    168
    Reviews
    0
    Gemima your post is hurtful to those that have experience many losses. While people may be well meaning their words can still cut like a knife. My well meaning friends have said many hurtful things and i hate how if i was to say something about how hurtful (no matter how good intentioned they were) i am seen as the bad guy
    Attached Images

  14. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Lilbub4us For This Useful Post:

    BettyW  (22-05-2015),lolz83  (24-05-2015),Sally1981  (22-05-2015),Whirligig  (23-05-2015)

  15. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    2,220
    Thanks
    2,060
    Thanked
    1,922
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Wow, that may actually be the most messed up thing I've heard all day. What did you say to that?
    Unfortunately I know this person in a professional capacity, don't want to go into too much detail, but I had to tell them about my mc due to work reasons. So I couldn't really say anything, just had to try to hide my shock and brush it off... I wanted to scream at them in frustration, and ask them why the hell they would CHOOSE to put themselves through that??? But I obviously couldn't do that...

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to Frankenmum For This Useful Post:

    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  17. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Gold Coast
    Posts
    1,357
    Thanks
    1,160
    Thanked
    630
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by GemimaPuddleduck View Post
    Really, what do you expect someone to say when you tell them?! Is there really an appropriate answer?!
    I hear what you're saying but a genuine "Oh no, I'm so sorry" and then listening is probably the way to go. Maybe a hug if it's appropriate?

  18. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ladydee For This Useful Post:

    BettyW  (22-05-2015),Chillies  (23-05-2015),Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  19. #20
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,283
    Thanks
    676
    Thanked
    660
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    @Lilbub4us those quotes are perfect and they make the point.
    @GemimaPuddleduck, as someone pointed out, this is a rant thread where people can let off steam about things. I don't what your story is, but perhaps you're someone who's suffered multiple pregnancy losses yet never gets jealous or irrationally ****ed off because clearly no one around you knows what it's like to be stuck in this hell hole.

    I'm not a saint, and this is an anonymous forum where people are allowed to vent amongst other people who understand. It's also not that hard to be supportive. The trick is to realise you don't understand, say you're sorry this happened to them, then listen and respond to what the person is actually telling you. It's aggravating that most people don't get that.

  20. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sally1981 For This Useful Post:

    BettyW  (22-05-2015),Chillies  (23-05-2015),Lilbub4us  (23-05-2015)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 344
    Last Post: 24-07-2016, 08:14
  2. What NOT to say to someone after pregnancy loss
    By MummyUnicorn in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-09-2014, 21:03
  3. Help & advice pregnancy after loss
    By Gorgette in forum Get support from other users
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-07-2014, 18:25

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
SRC Pregnancy & Recovery Shorts
Want pain relief during pregnancy, and to continue working and exercising? Fancy a speedy recovery after childbirth? Want to regain your pre-baby body shape fast? Recommended by healthcare professionals, SRC compression products will let your body do its most important work.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!