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  1. #1
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    Default Recurrent pregnancy loss - things people say

    Ok, this is a rant thread. What's the most aggravating things people say when they find out about your recurrent losses? I have a few:

    'At least you know you can get pregnant'. This is insensitive, firstly because one child cannot replace another. Second, because having multiple child die inside me is not a good thing. It's bringing home a live baby that is the aim.

    'I had a miscarriage once, but now I have three beautiful children'. Thanks for that. Not sure what your point is. Do I need to define 'recurrent' for you or just sit here pretending I'm not dying of jealousy?

    'Don't get stressed, that's bad for the baby'. Yep, this is all definitely my fault then. If only I'd done more yoga my babies wouldn't have these chromosomal problems.

    Anyone have any more favourites?

  2. #2
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    I just want to send you some hugs..

    Sorry for your losses..

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to preggasaurus For This Useful Post:

    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  4. #3
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    Can't comment on recurrent (and I am so sorry that you are going through this) but after our loss a few weeks ago...

    1. As per your 1st one, at least you know you can get pregnant, that's half the battle.

    2. Lucky you weren't further along

    Not helpful at all.

    I am sure there are so many more.

    Rant over 😊

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    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  6. #4
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    The whole everything happens for a reason spiel!!! Really people.....

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Carpe diem 2013 For This Useful Post:

    Gracie's Mum  (22-05-2015),Pusheen The Cat  (22-05-2015),Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

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    O yes the things ppl say!!!! I've had someone tell me I'm just as bad as their dog as they also miscarry!!!!!!! And when will I stop ivf and adopt!!!!
    I actually don't tell ppl anymore that I'm pregnant or that I've had a loss most ppl think we are on a break

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    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  10. #6
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    I'm totally with you on the 'at least you know you can get pregnant', a lot of people have said that to me & it crushes me every time.

    'I've had a miscarriage too so I know exactly how you feel'... this one is mixed because I know the people who have said it are trying to be kind & sharing something very personal but they all have had just the one loss & they had it after they already had at least one child whereas I have had many losses & no living children & they can never know what that's like. And some of these people have told me that if it wasn't for their children they would have fallen apart - it's children that keep you going - so what's supposed to keep me going then???!!!

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    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  12. #7
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    It's God's will/trust in God/anything religious.

    I'm not against religion but I'm not religious myself so please don't even go there. It's not comforting to me, it's enraging

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    Pusheen The Cat  (22-05-2015),Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  14. #8
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    After my 2nd mmc, I had a 'friend' tell me that she too was, in a way, grieving the loss of a child. She had recently split from her dh so she was 'grieving' that by being single she would have no other children

    Needless to say, I had zero contact with her after that

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    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

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    'I hear miscarriages are common though'

    'Maybe something is wrong with you?'

    'Are you sure you're healthy enough to carry a child?'

    'Dont worry, I had one and now I have 3 kids-once that happens, you'll wish they weren't here!!'

    'Well YOU would know how scary first tri is so I'm not announcing anything'

    'It'll happen when it: happens/meant to'

    'So sorry, you can have one of mine!'

    People are sh!t.

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    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)

  18. #10
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    I have had the 'at least you know you can get pregnant'... Not much good if you can't stay that way!

    'It's better that you miscarried as it probably had severe abnormalities'...oh, so I create defective babies and its better that they die???

    And, 'do you think that your mc was caused by stress?'...so I caused it by stressing too much? Nice to know you think it was my fault!

    Or the person who told me that they have recurrent miscarriages now as they have had so many terminations because they 'prefer to just deal with it if it happens rather than having to take a pill everyday', but they're 'lucky' that now they just miscarry every time. I'm pro choice, but this just blew my mind!!! And why tell someone that when they're going through a mc?!?!

    This is why we didn't tell anyone the second time around.

    I get that people can get awkward and not know what to say, so they try to say something that they think will be comforting, but it just doesn't always come across that way. So I try to give people a break and know that their heart is in the right place.... Well, most of them! It can be hard though.

    Hugs to all!

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to Frankenmum For This Useful Post:

    Sally1981  (22-05-2015)


 

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