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  1. #1
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    Default General vent and advice

    Hi ladies,

    Whilst I am only new here, I felt that this didn't quite belong in the intro section!

    33+6 pg with a baby boy on the way.
    I am having a raft of issues in my life which is probably nothing compared to what some people are going through, but I really need a good vent tonight!

    Pregnancy has so far been ok, all scans normal etc. Any advice or support or just a you bastrd would be fine 😉

    My issue is that I have severe depression and anxiety, a fiance (of 8 years) who is just never around - He works from 8 until 6 and not home until 7pm. Is constantly out drinking every Friday with his work buddies whilst I sit at home all day playing cook, cleaner and taxi service. He struggles with pain due to a failed back surgery at 23. He takes some fairly serious opiod medication for this. A week or so ago (on my birthday which he forgot!) I found him snorting these pills. Naturally I went off my tree but forgave him. Today, I find needles. (Unused and he swears he didnt ever which I do believe) but surely you would expect him home to at least give me some form of apology/comfort. But no... out again drinking with him expecting me to pick him up. We have had our ups and downs throughout this entire relationship, mostly due to my depression/inability to talk on an emotional level. But today, I am at my wits end. I have no family support locally, no true friends and am just struggling daily as I had to leave my job due to the pregnancy. I have no savings as I have always paid the bills he holds the savings. I just dont know what to do. He doesn't ask how I am or attend appointments (our first child and we havnt gone to antenatal appointments) I have no idea how to be a mother! I have turned back into a smoker which I hate myself for but it is the only thing stopping me from doing something stupid due to the stress and anxiety.
    I am also petrified of a natural birth and fighting the public hospital for a c section adding to my stress. I just really dont know what to do. And yes, I know how bad smoking whilst pregnant is and I hate myself every time I light up believe me!
    Sorry for the essay, but I dont have anywhere else to turn for a vent or chat with anyone.

  2. #2
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    I don't have have any advice for you but big hugs, that's a lot on your plate so far along in your pregnancy. Perhaps your fiancé needs to look into some drug and alcohol support/counseling though. Are you seeing anyone for support yourself?

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    Only through the hospital for c section finances are too tight to afford psychology and cant tell my dr as we share the same one. He did attend a pain management clinic but let the paperwork time out so will need to sit on a wait list for another 12 months. There is plenty more as well, I am constantly being badgered about losing weight (pre pg I was 84kgs) and am expected to look bettr than when we first met (I was 65kg with not alot left to lose just thunder thighs!)

  4. #4
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    That's a lot to be holding on to.

    I don't know that I can be of much help except to say that I understand why you are smoking atm. I had a stressful pregnancy and a failing marriage and I too had feelings that doing something stupid was the best solution for all involved. If these feelings become overwhelming please seek help.

    Also, I too was petrified of a vaginal birth. I wanted a CS but couldn't afford to go private. I got through it and would even do it again :-) are you the type of person where reading as much as you can about giving birth will help you? Do you have questions that you'd feel comfortable asking here that other hubbers may be able to answer?

    As for your partner - he sounds very selfish and I'd be very concerned about the needles. I would watch his step very closely. I don't think, from what you've written, that it's fair of you to blame your relationship issues solely on your anxiety and depression.

    I'm sorry I can't add much more, but please use the hub for support. There's bags of it on here if you need :-)

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    I have been reading as much as possible and to be honest this was an unplanned pg and have always been of the "cut it out of me" variety. I am a control freak naturally due to my childhood of moving around frequently and not being able to hold onto anything for longer than 12 months. I have been reading everything possible on nb, but in the end I think it has made it worse along with watching one born every minute etc. I have my final appointment with the psych on tuesday for my fears over nb which they have tentatively scheduled a c section in. I think I had a mental breakdown last week. And havnt really wanted to go down the medication road again as I never found one that suited pre pg so don't hold high hopes and as stupid as this sounds harming the baby

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    You poor thing, so much going on.
    Your partner needs to grow up. I have to ask, is he a drug addict?

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    Hey OP,

    Firstly - I would contact your GP about smoking during pregnancy. It obviously is not helping your mental state because it sounds like you're absolutely flaming yourself every time you have a smoke and this cannot be good for you mental health or your confidence. You're already aware of the risks to you bubba so there's no point repeating them.

    It seems like you're blaming your relationship failing on your anxiety and depression which is simply not true! Your DF is about to be a father, he needs to pull his head in! It sounds to me like you think you'd almost be better off without him. Who does he think he is to pressure you about your weight when he seems to have a plethora of substance abuse issues and no intention to change his ways! We allow people to treat us the way they do, don't let yourself believe that you should be grateful that he is around because of your anxiety and depression. He should be grateful you've stuck around because he's taking full advantage of your low self esteem to control you and do whatever he wants like drinking all night!

    As for not being able to afford psychology - your GP can do a mental health plan that can give you 10 free sessions to talk to someone. If you're already feeling like this please keep an eye on your mental health after bubba is born because PND can rear it's scary head and you might not even notice.

    You're going through a lot and have a lot to think about. Take it easy on yourself!

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    Yes unfortunately he is strongly addicted to his medication and has been taking them as a stress reliever not just for the pain. I dont want him painted as a bad person as he generally isn't, I just think that in this point in time he has been far too selfish. I just don't know if he shows any remorse as I normally just get angry and aggressive which escalates the situation from bad to worse. I can't even think of the last weekend we have had that wasn't a full on argument

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    Do you have someone else you can stay so you can get some space and time to yourself?
    Is he willing to seek help for his addictions?

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    That all sounds so stressful. Do you have family you could go to and stay for a little bit to rest and not stress so much?


 

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