Where to start??😃
Firstly maybe ask your FS if the 3-4% chance is for a positive pregnancy test or for live birth rate because the two are usually very different.
I had never considered DE but after 3 cycles that went from bad to worse and a friend who was willing to donate I moved my own goal post, I really thought DE would be the answer so when that failed I said no more that's it, I'm done. But my donor wants to go again and so does DP, so I moved my goal post again!!!!
The crappy thing about it is only you (and DH) can make that decision, and the scary thing is that there is never really closure. That's the part I struggle with, will I always be sad! Will I always feel sad/uneasy around pregnant people and babies? It's an awful thing to think i'll always have this ache in my heart.
When my DE cycle failed I feel into a massive hole and finally reached out for some professional help, I recommend you do the same as I wished I had sooner, we focus completely on our physical self for IVF but neglect our mental health.
Everyone has different reasons and limits for their end point I think so although friends might think they are helping with their suggestions you might just have to be blunt from now on and say you don't wish to discuss it anymore.
The DE route I battle with as well, but I'm from a "broken home" and have absolutely zero connection with my biological father, from other people's stories your feelings are completely normal, they all say that the baby always felt like theirs, the DE counsellor at your clinic may be able to help you with how your feeling.
Hope my long post helped a little bit
Hope your doing okay