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  1. #1
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    Default Childless (not by choice); time to accept

    Hi, I know there are plenty of us out there.

    If you've had to accept childlessness as your future path, regardless of your hopes and dreams of having a family, this thread is for you.

    If you'd like to chat with others in the same boat, share stories and ways of accepting and coping, please join me here. Sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone.

    Please drop by and say hi

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    Hi there. I'm coming to the realization that this is probably me. life just sucks sometimes

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    Hi NurseAnni, I'm sorry to hear that. Have you been TTC for long? How are you coping?
    We tried for about 3 1/2 yrs. After 3 1/2 yrs of acupuncture, 3 yrs of fertility treatments (11 rounds in all), 3 unexplained MCs, we had to face facts - as incredibly difficult as that is. We just couldn't do it anymore. We'd actually spent more time in our relationship TTC than we had not TTC. It's so heartbreaking and draining. Although we've had to accept it for ages now, it's still not easy.

    You're right - life does suck sometimes. I used to try to believe that everything happens for a reason. Now I realise: There seems no rhyme nor reason for anything.

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    Hi ladies, I'd like to join this thread too. Hugs to you both x.

    I just typed a reply & lost it... argh! Basically I'm 42, we started ttc in 2009, had 2 natural miscarriages, 2 ivf miscarriages & an ectopic from ivf. I didn't cope well with ivf physically or mentally & the losses were so hard to deal with, you know what it's like yourselves & long story short it just got to the point where I knew I had to stop or I was going to breakdown. I still feel I struggle with the legacy of ivf in my life if that makes any sense.

    Do you find that those around you accept your situation? I have a lot of people telling me that I shouldn't have given up because they know someone who got pregnant at 47 or who got pregnant after 18 cycles of ivf etc. etc & it makes things much more difficult for myself & DP. It feels like a constant judgement on us.

    I try to focus on the good things I have in my life & to insulate myself from anything pregnancy/newborn related. I've been doing the insulating thing for a long time & I found it did help me but my bro & his wife had a little one in February so that has changed quite a bit...

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    Hey so basically it has been 5 years of back and forwards. We go through stages of "I would never bring a child into this world/pass on my problems to a child" then we go through stages of picking names, awwwing at kids at the shops etc. My partner has aspergers which make things incredibly difficult. One of his main symptoms (if you could call it that) is physical contact is intolerable to him eg any affection hugs etc right through to full on s-x. We also found out he has extremely low motility and amount in a sperm analysis. Its a lot to cope with, but I try and remember its not his fault and read up on tips/coping advice. Regarding other people's reactions... I'm 27 and every time someone at work announces a pregnancy you always get the "maybe you'll be next". Ummmm that's hurtful but they don't know... I don't discuss my issues with this at work so no one knows. Usually I go with " I don't need children I have cats haha" but it still hurts because I feel like its almost guaranteed to never be my turn. You're right it is draining. Like, you can never escape it.

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    Hugs NurseAnni, you have a very complex situation to deal with. It must be very difficult having those sort of comments from your workmates & keeping everything inside is very hard. We didn't tell anyone for the longest time but had to tell close family & friends after I had to be taken to emergency before a big party. To be honest I didn't find it any better having some people in the know - it was just different difficult comments! I say the cat thing too but I find people look at me like I'm a crazy cat lady!?

    Have either of you tried counselling? I went after I had my ectopic but that was more about coping with that specifically. We did touch on acceptance but then I decided to have another go & that was that. I think one of the main things my counsellor said was that if you chose a path in life, whatever it may be, that the best thing to do was to totally commit to it & everything you do should take that path into consideration, if that makes any sense. Oh, and that time passing does make everything a bit better...

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    I'm at work now but I'll come back later. This is to remind myself ha.

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    Hi girls. I just wrote a huge long post but it disappeared 😡. I'll try again

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    Hi ladies,

    It's very helpful to hear I'm not alone in this, though reading everyone else's personal stories makes me very emotional.

    I'm 42 and have accepted I'm highly unlikely to have my own children, after over 10 years of trying to conceive with my husband and about 5 failed attempts at IVF. I know, as people remind me "miracles do happen" but they just don't happen to me and it makes me really angry when people say that!

    I've been having a very bad emotional week, I've been randomly bursting into tears and generally feeling hopeless and sad. I think it's down to hormones (I don't know about you but I'm at the mercy of my menstrual cycle) and also because I've been looking into adoption and egg donation as a way to still become a mum - both of which are just as problematic and heart-rending as trying to conceive. Sometimes I just feel like there must be a reason for why being a mother is so out of reach for me, and perhaps it's not supposed to happen.

    Anyway, I had a revelation this morning as I dragged myself to work, and I wanted to share these comforting strategies with anyone who is going through a hard time with their fertility journey. It gave me a little pick me up to remember that:

    1. this is not my fault
    2. this too shall pass
    3. I'm still alive and healthy
    4. being a parent is not always what it's cracked up to be
    5. if option A is not available let's kick the s**t out of option B (in other words make the most of what you've got and what else you can achieve)


    Take all or whichever of these reminders resonate with you. I hope they are of some comfort to you in finding a glimmer of a silver lining.

    Grace x

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    Hi there
    Anyone still on this thread? Or am I too late? I'm at the end of my journey also


 

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