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  1. #1
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    Default How do I get over this & move on?

    Ok so I had a mc two months ago. It was early, 10weeks. Nothing major. Big deal. Happens all the time right? I should be fine by now!? Well most of the time I am. Day to day I'm all good.

    But yesterday & days leading up to mothers day it was bad. Nerves. Anxiety. Yuk. I'm so up tight about everything. But why? Why is it that a time when I should be happy & thankful for what I've got (we have a gorgeous 3yo dd) I'm a miserable sack of ****. Hubby must think I'm pathetic...

    I just feel like its surrounding me lately. I avoided a family event because of that. One family member is pregnant (within same week of my was due date) Another has a 10wk old. Another just sent me a txt with her ultrasound pic. My friend hasn't spoken to me since I told her what happened. I suspect she's pregnant.... God I'm so paranoid. That's all great for them, good on you guys. But I DON'T CARE!! I don't want to bask in your glory.

    People are going to live their lives & have babies. I accept that. I can't change that. So why am I being like this? Why can't I just get over this?

    How long does it take for this feeling to stop? When will it go away?

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    It is a big deal. At ten weeks you're feeling pretty confident and thinking about the little baby that's coming - heck you're thinking that at four weeks. I'm sure it was a big shock.

    Grief and anger around loss is a really personal thing and it's possibly the most intense emotion we have.

    Have you looked into some counselling to work through how you are feeling?

    I'm sorry for your loss.

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    Snooze, I'm so sorry for your loss. The loss of any pregnancy, even at 4 weeks, is a major deal.

    There is no formula for grief. It affects everyone different. Different intensity, different time spans, different thoughts and feelings.

    I really hope you're alright. Xox

  4. #4
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    BH-KatiesMum is online now Community Manager
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    Im sorry for your loss


    Its not 'nothing'. It is a big deal.

    You need to let yourself grieve for the baby that you wont get to meet, the life that baby wont have.

    your body also is probably going crazy. the hormones involved at the beginning of a pregnancy are immense, and when you are suddenly no longer pregnant ... well it takes your body a long time to get used to that.

    Give yourself a break ... and dont expect that you will be 'back to normal' in any set time frame.

    Yes, other people around will have babies and pregnancies - and you will have mixed feelings about that. At times you wont care, and at other times (irrational and odd times) you will care very much ....

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snooze View Post
    ... One family member is pregnant (within same week of my was due date) Another has a 10wk old. Another just sent me a txt with her ultrasound pic. My friend hasn't spoken to me since I told her what happened. I suspect she's pregnant.... God I'm so paranoid. That's all great for them, good on you guys. But I DON'T CARE!! I don't want to bask in your glory.

    People are going to live their lives & have babies. I accept that. I can't change that. So why am I being like this? Why can't I just get over this?

    How long does it take for this feeling to stop? When will it go away?
    I have a similar problem. My SIL announced that she was UTD 2 months after I had a M/C. I balled my eyes out and could hardly look at her. She had a M/C at 10 weeks too, and I felt terrible. I couldn't share her joy, or her pain. And I'm being doing some nasty stuff to my DH too.

    I don't have any answers to your questions. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

    Also, to me, 10 weeks M/C is a big deal. Don't down play the situation.

    *Big hugs.*

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi snooze, there is no right or wrong feelings when it comes to grief. just allow yourself to be. be gentle with yourself and try to be gentle with those you love. you will be processing this hormonally for a few months, but spiritually, and emotionally, for the rest of your life. there will be good days and bad days, sometimes you might just cry for a few minutes, other times you might be unable to get out of bed for a few days. please allow for the grief to pass, it takes time and it will come and go, for many years yet. hugs, marie.

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    I'm so sorry snooze. I know the pain you're talking about & it's awful. With our missed m/c it took me ages to grieve & I found myself avoiding social situations & anywhere there may be pregnant people or baby talk for a long time. Please give yourself time to process how you're feeling & all the emotions too. I don't think it matters if you already have a child here or not, the grief is still there & hurts the same. I also think it's a lot harder on us women too because on top of everything we also have to hormones on top of it all.

    It took me ages to feel 'normal' again & to go out without bursting into tears. I just wanted to let you know that it will slowly get a little easier. It's such a hard thing to go through & I'm so sorry you've had to go through it.

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    Thankyou everyone for replying with your support. It is nice to know I'm not alone with this, but it still feels so lonely. I'm ok. Just feel like I need to get this out. I have tried a psychologist before this happened & I didn't really enjoy it & don't feel they helped me. Maybe a counselor would be better? Less clinical, just talking. I dont want answers, maybe just help to get past this. I might ring one of those phone lines.

    I spoke to DH this morning after receiving that txt & we talked about it. He is great. But like any male, not good on picking up on subtle cues!

    I'm not ashamed to say I'm a bit annoyed at my sil for sending me that txt. She should be more sensitive to my feelings! Feels like she is just rubbing it in my wounds. Doesn't she care!? She should, she has been here before, surely she hasn't forgot how much it hurts. But then on the other hand, I can understand her excitement & relief knowing things are going well this time (she is only 7wks). She must be nervous. I know I will be next time around. Do you think I should respond? I don't think I'm going to.

    Maybe I should just tackle this feeling head on, face my fears & anxiety. I can't hide away forever. The bigger deal I make of it the bigger it will get. I don't want this to consume my life.

  9. #9
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    Mega hugs.

    Like pp said it massive deal. It was your baby and we grieve differently. My heart still hurts on the due date of my miscarriages over 20 years later. I now know that for me the best thing for do is acknowledge my grieve, feel it for a while and then get on with my day. At first i need a few months to grieve the next year it was a few day and as time came and went i need less time. I still need to recognise them. Each one has their own name and that helped me too.

    Happy to chat anytime.

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    Snooze  (11-05-2015)


 

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