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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babyisbored View Post
    I don't really want him to feel he needs permission & he has spent his money in the past on stupid software (told me after he purchased it) that I got annoyed with but told him it's his fault if it doesn't work etc. I'm more annoyed that his family like to encourage him to do things behind my back, especially his mum. She was the one making a big drama about his brother in Holland. I don't want his family in Egypt to take advantage of us thinking we are rich.
    We have been on a tight budget with the baby, nearly everything is second hand. I hardly have any maternity clothes, got a few things from the op shop because my jeans were giving me agony & he kept telling me don't buy too much. He also complains we don't have much money & we are spending too much.
    I


    He asking you not spend on things you NEED and he throw a huge chunk of money at charity for his mum and than keeping a secret.

    Wow. That's not just a sign it a flashing neon board the size of football stadium.

    Seriously you you need to sort this out now or you will always be treated like dirt under his mother's feet.

  2. #12
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    If it's from his savings then no I wouldn't be upset.

    I would be annoyed that he didn't tell me but I would not have been in a position to tell him what to do with his money anyway.

  3. #13
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    Yeah now I have more information - there is a serious imbalance and that's not ok.

    I agree with @LoveLivesHere.

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    KitiK  (11-05-2015)

  5. #14
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    I understand your annoyance. I'm trying to think if dh did that, would I be annoyed... I can't say that I would be. He's very responsible with money and I trust his decisions with it. That's not to say you aren't justified in your feelings, especially when he starts with "I did something and you might be mad"...

    Edit. Sorry, just read the full thread. Given the history, absolutely justified in being upset!
    Last edited by Olive Oil; 11-05-2015 at 08:06.

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I


    He asking you not spend on things you NEED and he throw a huge chunk of money at charity for his mum and than keeping a secret.

    Wow. That's not just a sign it a flashing neon board the size of football stadium.

    Seriously you you need to sort this out now or you will always be treated like dirt under his mother's feet.
    Yep already feel like that. Especially since falling pregnant.

  7. #16
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    can he tell you the name of the charity>?? I wonder if this might be just another gift to another family member. ? you are struggling to get everything ready for your new baby, and you are shopping in op shops for your own needs, and he has 'savings" ?? what are the savings for?? I can understand if it is for a house deposit for you both. or something important like that, but surely savings are not meant to held only for donations to charities.?? this is very wrong, and keeping secrets about money is a definite red flag for your relationship, and for your future together. hugs, marie.

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  9. #17
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    I would be furious. His savings? ummm no it's both your savings it's not the 1950's. Ask him how he would feel if you gave your family member 2k out of the family's pocket then failed to tell him.

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  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I would be furious. His savings? ummm no it's both your savings it's not the 1950's. Ask him how he would feel if you gave your family member 2k out of the family's pocket then failed to tell him.
    some families work well with some financial independency.
    I have savings that are mine only and so does DH.

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    I would be completely furious about the secret, not the money - just like you say.

    As hard as it will be, I would just try to talk about it like the money is no big deal, he should do exactly what he wants, it's his choice etc and then just say you'd like to be told, it's hurtful to think others know about it but not you and that's all.

    I think the end of a pregnancy can be scary/hard for the guy. My DH went a bit loopy/emotional and I think they feel scared and helpless sometimes but don't know how to show it. As hard as it is, I'd try to go easy on him.

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    I would be furious.


 

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