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  1. #31
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    @harvs

    I think a 'village' is what you make it- for some it includes family, friends and neighbours, for others it's daycare.

    We are lucky that we have DH's parents to help out if we need it. During the day we are happy to consider it, but not night time. They are getting old. MIL is almost always ill (asthmatic with emphysema, smoked for 45 years) and FIL has had a few strokes and while great with the kids, he is prone to periods of confusion.
    BIL has his own kid and major marital problems, so can't ask him.
    The kids' mother LOVES offering to help us out, and we took the offer once... never again. She still holds it over our heads- it was 1 hour, 4 years ago! Yet we help her out weekly.

    I guess we don't really have a village, but if excrement hits the rotating blades, we have back-up.

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    BettyV  (09-05-2015)

  3. #32
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    We absolutely need some form of support network or "village". For some reason there has been a period of time that we seemed to think (or maybe society was telling us) that we should be doing it on our own as it was our choice to have children, that we are some kind of failure if we can't do it and it has a lot to answer for! This thinking is slowly starting to turn around as it was never meant to be that way.

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    Freyamum  (10-05-2015),Mrs Tickle  (10-05-2015)

  5. #33
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    My village has always been a phone/online village.
    Right now but hub is a huge part of my village.

    My sister has been my biggest person in my village we has. We have never lived the same town.

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    BettyV  (09-05-2015)

  7. #34
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    My village included my dad, my in laws, my sister, friends and if we really needed someone my two brothers would step in.
    I would be lost with my village. DF works crazy hours in mental health and sometimes he wont be home for 2 - 3 days and then I call on my village.
    My in laws help out when we ask. My dad often comes and stays for the weekend and takes the kids out or sends us out for dinner and babysits.
    My sister is my main helper. She lives half an hour away on campus at uni but will babysit when ever we need. We have a good system, she babysits and I send her home with meals

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    BettyV  (09-05-2015)

  9. #35
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    @LoveLivesHere thanks for reminding me that BH is most definitely my village. I guess that's why I feel so protective of it at times :-)

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  11. #36
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    Yes it's true. I wouldn't be able oh cops without help.

    My inlaws are great. My family helps every now and then. My older kids go to a church group each Friday and cook and play games for a few hours too so I get a break.

  12. #37
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    i have very little support, which is sad as I live close to alot of family,

    99% of the time if I ask I get excuses so now I dont ask.

  13. #38
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    My parents had very much the same issue when I was very small only that it was my father who wanted to return and my mother wanted to stay. I remember quite vividly, when I was 4, the palpable feeling of longing in the house. For years. I didn't understand what it was then but it became a subconscious theme and one that most certainly shaped me.

    I can honestly say, and with a knowledge I wish I didn't have, that had I a voice then like I do now I would have said, let's go Da, even if she doesn't want to, she'll come 'round. I miss my Nana and my cousins are forgetting me. No snow falls here and there are no midnight sweets at Christmas. I don't understand why we don't see anyone we know anymore and even the trees don't know me (the house we'd lived in backed onto a wood consisting of Ash and Oak whereas here we were surrounded by gum).

    People talk about the better life in Australia and to an extent I would agree that certain things were more attainable whether you are working or not. But the social price is what we often miss in our estimations until we realise, gee, where is our village? We, my siblings and I, paid a massive MASSIVE social price by moving to Australia. Granted, this country is my home now and I am grateful for it but I look on Facebook and watch everyone relating to me and saying oh your kids are lovely etc etc but they don't really *know* me nor I them. They have histories I am not and will never be a part of. They speak a language that has long left my tongue and the lilt that used to lean on my words is now a twang

    More tellingly, I've watched how the decision to stay has affected my parents. Especially my father. The little rituals he could have shown my children (he and his brothers were fine fly fisherman and boat makers), the lessons he could have given them about country....all lost. All keenly missed. All etched in his eyes and all deeply lined in the episodes of depression he's suffered throughout his life. My father is a shadow of the man he could have been. This is what longing left unattended does to a soul.

    For some, a village is something you create yourself but for me, it's the place I belong to as well as the people I'm from if that makes sense. It's not about dishes but about passing on of knowledge, kinship and stories.

    Most of my elders are now dead, the opportunity to gain any wisdom from them also lost. But I look at my kids and think about their lives and my mind halves itself: one side says accept that my kids are Australian and that's that whereas the other half says return to Ireland, with all its financial woes, to a life that offered a rich plenitude that I've never had here. I know where my village is. I had the opportunity to go back ten years ago (job offer) and I'm kicking myself I didn't.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    This is me. I totally get every word you've said.
    I'm currently at loggerheads with DH about moving back home to Ireland.
    My kids are missing out on so much being away from extended family.
    Cousins, Grannies, sleep overs, parties and just some one other than their parents to learn from.
    I remember spending so much time with my granny and then my youngest aunty as I grew up. Anyone other than my mother who would just be as a mammy is, watching your every move.
    I don't want that for my kids.
    It would be another story if we didn't have such a rich family life back home, but we do and every day away is a day wasted in my eyes.
    the grannies are only getting older. Nobody is coming out this far to visit us.
    Unfortunately I've been told I'd have to drag DH back kicking and screaming, so my heart is torn at the minute.

    So yep, I do think it takes a village to raise a child, and not by helping to feed and cloth the child or the day to day tasks. More so to be good adult role models for children or to lend an ear to a teenager who can't bear to talk to their parents but would tell an uncle or aunt anything.
    Things like that, without going on about it too much because I feel very strongly about it.

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  15. #39
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    I certainly know if I had a village my life might be a tad more manageable. Right now its me and DH and my Mum.. when I book her in.

  16. #40
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    @Mrs Tickle, that was heartbreaking to read.
    I will be back to you, school morning here and under pressure X

    Same with @Sariele, I'll respond to your PM too when I have some free hands

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