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  1. #11
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    Default It takes a village to raise a child. True or not?

    I guess I have a very small village consisting of daycare, the occasional assistance from my parents, probably twice a year. I also have a friend who has babysat our DD about five times - she's 3.5. I guess I get emotional support as well from other friends and other mothers from Mothers group and daycare, rather than physical assistance. I actually feel bad asking for help, although I am sure all of these people would do so.

    I like to think we are going ok without a big, established village. It's only really now, with DD starting preschool next year am I feeling the lack of a village - Id love for her to have a grandparent/aunt/family friend to be able to look after her on school hols, pick her up or drop her off. While the lack of childcare options has meant that DH and I rarely get a date, I feel like we get enough time together for things to be ok.

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    BettyV  (06-05-2015)

  3. #12
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    Default It takes a village to raise a child. True or not?

    @HopefulK we've lived here for just over a year and I think that's definitely a factor.

    Thanks for all your replies. It's comforting to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like raising a child takes the support of a community. Reading the replies has made me realise maybe my issue isn't just the lack of a village but also the fact that I'm not good at calling on the potential "village" that I do have. I do have friends from church and we catch up with our mother's group friends at least once a week. I really appreciate their friendship and company but when I find myself needing help, whether that be someone to watch dd for an hour while I get some sleep or to pick up some baby neurofen, I don't feel comfortable reaching out. I think some of that is how long we've known each other, and some is that I'd feel bad exposing them to my sick baby's germs, but I think there's also an element of perceived social expectation. I feel like in western society there is such a focus on the individual and individual achievement that "we" expect people to be able to do it all themselves. Does that make sense to anyone? Maybe I'm just babbling? I just feel like the loss of a natural village and the shift to an individual centric rather than community centric society has placed a larger burden on parents. 😞 It's days like this I really wish I lived near my mum.

    Maybe the question I should be asking is what can I do to build a village for myself and to help ensure my friends have a village too?

    On a side note, @Rose&Aurelia I live in Canberra and would be happy to be part of your village when you move.
    Last edited by BettyV; 06-05-2015 at 16:27.

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  5. #13
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    If you feel awkward asking for help you could first offer help. Offer to watch a child from mothers group so her mum can go shopping child free and then next time you need your child to be minded you won't feel so bad asking. Good luck. Xxx

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    MsViking  (06-05-2015)

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    it most certainly does take a village to raise a child. it is so sad these days when particularly new mums come home from hospital with bub after a minimum time there, with no support or understanding of how to handle bub. I was fortunate my mum and mil were both retired and able to come to my aid. also I had great neighbours, and a very supportive MCHN. it seems these days, particularly in the early days, there really needs to be more help for young mums/first time mums. marie.

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    I totally agree you can build your own village. I always envisioned having children when living close to family but sadly that hasn't happened. I think the biggest support I have is made possible with technology. FaceTime so my girls can see their grandparents, aunts and uncles, Facebook so I can vent to my mothers group created from here and mobiles so I can text hubby while he is away for periods of time. At the end of the day you do the best you can with what you have.

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    It's not required but it makest it a sh.!t load easier!

    My villiage is DH, parents in law, parents. Between DH and I we have 3 siblings who could help out but never do. Currently only 1 sibling has a child.

    I also consider my mums group part of my village as they keep me sane and our kids are all friends so go in play dates together.

    My DH works long hours but nothing too bad I guess and I'm on maternity leave but each set of parents takes DD one day a week each to help me out. Both mums will also clean our house for us when we move into our new house shortly.

    But my house would be much messier and dirtier meaning my head would be in a muddle if I didn't have those 2 days with just DS. It's near impossible with 2 kids to get much done in the day.

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    I've had a few snide comments over the years from old people on essentially how soft women are now as we have dishwashers and washing machines etc and how their mothers coped with 4 kids and none of these 'mod cons'...... until I remind them these women also often had MIL and/or their mother living with them or over all day, every day. They had that village.

    I don't have one at all. DH's side is useless and I only have a few family members near me who have their hands full themselves. I've had a few long term friends move away and I really have no one now. DC is really my only village when my kids are small and now it looks like I would even be able to afford that under Abbott and his CC changes. I don't have PND and am finding I'm coping quite well with 3 kids. I can only imagine how hard it is for women with no village and PND

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    I don't think you 'need' a village.
    But it definitely would help.

    (Wish I had a village to help me! )

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    Lauzy  (09-05-2015)

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    Default It takes a village to raise a child. True or not?

    We moved to where we live now when I was 36 weeks pregnant and we didn't know a soul here, which made me panic. The village is so important!
    We're still building our village but it's looking pretty good so far. Just this morning in went to a regular catch up with friends. There's 8 of us. Snacks were brought, and coffees and babies were being passed around, older kids were running and playing together, if a baby cried then whoever was closest simply picked them up. I sat back and looked around and my heart sang. I felt like I actually had a bit of a village and it was amazing.
    I have a friend here who will grab me something from the supermarket if needed, run around medicine, invite us for dinner if I haven't managed to organise something and it goes both ways. We'll both be moving house in the next few months and will be helping each other out.

    We're still building it, but I'm so happy with where we're at. I think true "village" status comes when you stop asking things, if that makes sense. I have that with my best friend. She just assumes they're staying with us when they visit. Of course they are. We wouldn't have it any other way. And we just assume we're staying with them, because they wouldn't have it any other way! With her, it's just come into my house. Plop your baby down to play with mine and make yourself a coffee while I cook dinner. You know where the cups are. There's no clean teaspoons so rinse one out of the dishwasher. Clear off a chair and sit down. Bam. Village.

    I do wish my best friend was closer, and my parents but that's what comes with our life and DHs work!
    Last edited by #Mama; 08-05-2015 at 20:31.

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  16. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by #Mama View Post
    We moved to where we live now when I was 36 weeks pregnant and we didn't know a soul here, which made me panic. The village is so important!
    We're still building our village but it's looking pretty good so far. Just this morning in went to a regular catch up with friends. There's 8 of us. Snacks were brought, and coffees and babies were being passed around, older kids were running and playing together, if a baby cried then whoever was closest simply picked them up. I sat back and looked around and my heart sang. I felt like I actually had a bit of a village and it was amazing.
    I have a friend here who will grab me something from the supermarket if needed, run around medicine, invite us for dinner if I haven't managed to organise something and it goes both ways. We'll both be moving house in the next few months and will be helping each other out.

    We're still building it, but I'm so happy with where we're at. I think true "village" status comes when you stop asking things, if that makes sense. I have that with my best friend. She just assumes they're staying with us when they visit. Of course they are. We wouldn't have it any other way. And we just assume we're staying with them, because they wouldn't have it any other way! Come into my house. Plop your baby down to play with mine and make yourself a coffee while I cook dinner. You know where the cups are. There's no clean teaspoons so rinse one out of the dishwasher. Clear off a chair and sit down. Bam. Village.

    I do wish my best friend was closer, and my parents but that's what comes with our life and DHs work!
    Wow so how did you do that?


 

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