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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    So much love Sally and I'm right there with you. The likelihood of loosing a baby after 12 weeks is something like a 3% chance but once it has happened to you that statistic means jacksh*t. We have our scan Tuesday and I'll be 8 weeks then. I'm pretty much just trying to ignore that I am pregnant until then (and I'm sure the feeling will continue on even then). I can't really bring myself to be excited about this at all, I think it's a survival mechanism, thinking that if we prepare ourselves for the worst then it hopefully won't be as devastating when it happens. 💛
    Oh wow Holly, please let me know how the scan goes. It's so nice to have people who understand. My problem is also that I went to a specialist who thinks I may have a condition that puts me at a 40% risk of serious complications.

    I also found out last week that my psych will be on leave for weeks 19 to 23 of this pregnancy, if I make it that far. DS2 showed serious growth issues at 19 weeks for the first time. Then there were 3 horrible weeks of testing before I gave birth at 22 weeks and he died 3 hours later. I had a plan in place for people to help me through that time and now it's going to be Xmas and they'll all be away.

    Anyway, thanks for the kind words ladies. I'm thinking of leaving my DIG. At 12 weeks the conversations move to shopping and nurseries and prams, meanwhile I'll still be waiting to see if my baby's going to die again.

  2. #112
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    How are things going ladies?

  3. #113
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    Default Can I join thread please ladies?

    Hi ladies,

    Found this thread on line after seeking some clarity.

    I'm 41 and have two beautiful girls aged 6 and 2.5 years. We have had a rough fertility journey with loss of a baby boy to CMV in utero in 2011, and another miscarriage in 2013 after my second child. Our second baby was born after multiple rounds of IVF and we call her our frozen princess.

    Recently we had another round of IVF and conceived in August and we found out we were having identical twins, but they sadly passed away as well on October 22nf at 10 weeks from trisomy 15.. We had a D@C as twins. I was immensely devastated especially when we learnt that were boys.

    However to my surprise I have found out I am pregnant naturally - first time since 2009! And I didn't even get a period after loosing the much loved twins.

    Needless to say after loosing a baby to CMV, a miscarriage in 2013 and another loss of twins in 2015 I am beside myself with worry. Reading your posts I can so relate to all that anxiety.

    People who have never miscarried don't know the pain of that loss but also the loss of the innocence that goes with miscarriage. No longer can I just think it's all going to be ok, I don't think it's all ok at 12 weeks , and I also can't stand it when people say "oh well it wasn't meant to be!" Or "there must have been something wrong".

    I desperately want this baby but I know odds are against me at 41 and with my history.

    And the worst of it as I didn't get a period I have no idea how far Along I am. The OB thinks about 4 weeks , so now I have 2 weeks of worry til
    I get that heartbeat then two weeks of worry to 8 weeks.....

    Pulling my hair out!

  4. #114
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    Oh Gampa just sending lots of strength. It's so hard not to.worru. hoping for sticky baby dust for you

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    Gampa  (05-12-2015)

  6. #115
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    Welcome Gampa. Pregnancy after loss is terrifying and you understand like many of us do how it feels when a 'rainbow' turns into another angel. I hope the next few weeks go quickly.

    AFM, 18 weeks. My morph scan is in 5 days. I'm not doing so well. I can feel her kicking around etc. I remember thinking that was such a good sign with DS2 but it meant nothing. I'm just fixated on this idea that it's going to happen again. I'm going to go into that scan and they're going to tell me my little girl is seriously sick and I'm going to have to do this again. The labour ward, the birth, the cremation. I miss DS2 like I'm missing a piece of myself. I don't think I can do this again.

    I just can't even imagine this baby surviving.

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    Gampa  (05-12-2015)

  8. #116
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    Oh sally how terrifying! I really hope everything goes well at your scan, will be thinking of you. easier said than done but please try not to worry and enjoy the next few days.

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    Sally1981  (07-12-2015)

  10. #117
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    Hang in there @Sally1981 we are all rooting for you

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    Sally1981  (07-12-2015)

  12. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Welcome Gampa. Pregnancy after loss is terrifying and you understand like many of us do how it feels when a 'rainbow' turns into another angel. I hope the next few weeks go quickly.

    AFM, 18 weeks. My morph scan is in 5 days. I'm not doing so well. I can feel her kicking around etc. I remember thinking that was such a good sign with DS2 but it meant nothing. I'm just fixated on this idea that it's going to happen again. I'm going to go into that scan and they're going to tell me my little girl is seriously sick and I'm going to have to do this again. The labour ward, the birth, the cremation. I miss DS2 like I'm missing a piece of myself. I don't think I can do this again.

    I just can't even imagine this baby surviving.
    Thanks Sally1981,

    I feel for you. That wait and anticipation of something wrong desperately hoping it will be ok.
    I don't think any of us will feel secure until we hold our babies in our arms.

    Stay strong

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    Sally1981  (07-12-2015)

  14. #119
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    @Gampa and @Sally1981, hope these next few days (or weeks) go quickly for you both, and that your scans bring some good news. Either way, we are here for you xxx

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    Gampa  (08-12-2015),Sally1981  (07-12-2015)

  16. #120
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    @Sally1981 I'll be following along to hear the result of your scan.

    I wanted to share some advice I have been given for trying to deal with the loss of my daughter and my current pregnancy.
    It has been very very hard, I'm ready to slap the next person who asks me if I'm excited for the new baby, or when someone at the hospital tells me, this time everything is going fine. Well it was last time!! And look how that ended Rant over.

    My old IVF nurse is a former mid wife and a psychologist. I've had many counselling sessions with her.
    We have gone through the odds many times it helps.
    She has also taught me, look after the hear and now. This is not a race, it's a matharon, at the moment it's a week at a time. Sometimes day or hour.
    I just have to get through this week, just this scan, this week is all I'm dealing with now.
    Im not dealing with another baby's funeral, just right now can't look that far ahead.
    No goggle searches on the many types of stillbirth/late M/C just what I'm doing right now.
    Just have to get through right now....

    It has helped through some dark times, I still have panic attacks, I still want my baby more than anything.
    i just might make it through this.

    Hugs to all going through this

  17. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to francesthecat For This Useful Post:

    grace  (10-12-2015),HollyGolightly81  (08-12-2015),louise81  (06-12-2015),Sally1981  (07-12-2015),ScubaGal  (07-12-2015)


 

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