My house is never spotless. My kids well some are advanced and some really struggle. I have neuro -typical kids and I have kids that one or more of the following asd, adhd, bipolar, depression and social anxiety.
Does any of this mean I am failure? HELL NO.
I am the one stands beside or in front or behind them. I help them through the hard stuff and praise them through the good.
What makes a great Sahm is a mum that cares and does her best to be in the moment with them. That stands up for them and there when needed. That praise them when the following well and encourages them when the are struggling.
The rest is just stuff.
So it really doesn't matter if you are a Sahm or wahm or a working mum.
Take pride in fact you are there in the good and the bad.