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  1. #1
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    Default Maintaining self-worth as a SAHM. Tips??

    Just a spin-off thought from another thread where unfortunately seems for lots of us working is a significant contributor to feelings of self worth. But lots of SAHM's do maintain great self worth. My mum did I am sure. Just wonder if anyone has some tips about how they do this role without allowing societies negative view of us to affect them? I think in my mums day SAHMs were the norm so that helped, they knew nothing different and they had more support - less no doubt from partners - but probably had more friends in the same boat, family around. At least I can see that's the main difference between me and my mum and even my sister who lives close to mum and her husbands family. I don't think being SAHM has affected her like it has for me (I have no family in this country and all my friends are back at work)
    But maybe that's just me, I'd be curious to hear what other confident self assured SAHM's feel. What has helped you to maintain your identity/self worth?

  2. #2
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    I have never felt guilty for being a SAHM, i have never felt less (or better) than those who return to work. Its an equally important role. I have done a lot of it with little to no support until recently. And to be honest, it has taught me a hell of a lot of skills that will be invaluable once i return to the work force, things I never would have learned otherwise.

    I won't lie, for a long time I did lose my sense of self. But I realised that I need to have that in order to have a happy home. So I started doing things for *me*. Having my nails done once a month, buying nice clothes occasionally, having my hair done every couple of months instead of going years between visits to the hairdresser. But most of all, and most importantly, having time to *myself*. Taking a relaxing bubble bath or a long shower after kids are in bed, or going out with friends, or even having friends over on the weekends for drinks. Doing stuff that makes *me* happy.

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  4. #3
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    1.Parenting in a way which matches my values I.e. Teach my kids to be frugal and not wasteful cos it's really important to me to preserve the environment, instead of just letting them waste things cos it's "easier".

    2. Spending leisure time with my family- not just doing the thankless hard work bits like cleaning, but taking the time to do the fun things like riding dodgem cars or swinging on swings.

    3. Time out for me- as a pp said, looking after myself as an individual with good music, good books, hobbies etc that I enjoy myself.

    4. Keeping fit. I feel so much better if I'm fit & healthy.

  5. #4
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    Im a sahp not by choice but by circumstance, I feel I suck quite badly at it as my house isnt picture perfect, my children arent advanced and I dont thrive in every second of it

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    Some personality types are very well suited to being a sahp and others not so. I am the later. I am a counter dependant personality type and motherhood kind of just happened to me. I don't like to quit anything and I have a strong belief that if you start something you finish it. So even though I never really wanted to be a Mum I put my life into raising them and as a result my body suffered. I became depressed and gained a lot of weight and just really lost who I was and stopped caring about myself. Motherhood didn't suit me and now my children are older and need me less I am regaining who I am have gone back to my normal weight and am happy. Would I go through personal struggle again for them sure but I don't have to and will not have anymore children because I was not psychologically built to nurture.

    Some people like my Mother have a strong need to nurture and intact when she doesn't take care of her own children or mine her mental health suffers and she gains weight. She is the precise opposite of me and it's funny because she basically created me and it seems my personality type has created children more like my mother.

    The important part is finding out which type of personality you are and trying to fit parenting around that. Some peoples self worth comes from caring for others and some being independent. The two roles are very different and if you are one personality type to act like the other causes the distress. So I just think some people thrive on motherhood and some don't. Nothing wrong with that if we were all the same the world would be pretty boring.
    Last edited by Trusty Chords; 05-05-2015 at 17:09.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThenThereWereThree View Post
    Following,
    Im a sahp not by choice but by circumstance, I feel I suck quite badly at it as my house isnt picture perfect, my children arent advanced and I dont thrive in every second of it
    Me too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThenThereWereThree View Post
    Following,
    Im a sahp not by choice but by circumstance, I feel I suck quite badly at it as my house isnt picture perfect, my children arent advanced and I dont thrive in every second of it
    Pfft, that doesn't mean you suck, it means you are perfectly human. I don't fit any of that criteria, my house is well lived in, my kids are probably bang on average and everyone has good and bad days, no matter what their job is. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    Anyway, I find reading a lot of books or blogs and articles that value stay at home motherhood to be really good for boosting spirits. I make sure my facebook feed is filled with groups or pages of happy stay at home mummas or dads (but not perfectionists!) and watch tv shows that share the same sort of aura. I don't waste my time on people who belittle my role and so all the space around me is very positive and encouraging towards being a SAHM.

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    I think one of the main problems I can see is that as a mum we are always hard on ourselves and thinking we are not doing a good job as at the end of the day you don't get much thanks for it most of the time. For a lot of people when they go to work they have tasks they need to do, they get completed and you can go away thinking that you have accomplished something and you have done a good job. But as a mother you never get that, you just hope and assume you are good at it but you are always going to think you could be better, whether it's feeding your kids better, being more/less disciplined etc etc.

    Having self worth to me is feeling good that I have done something worth while and constantly doubting my parenting skills means I often don't feel I am achieving what i would like which leads to lower self esteem.

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  12. #9
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    So I guess in order to feel more self worth we need to keep reminding ourselves that we are amazing mothers and no one will appreciate our work more than our kids. Jobs come and go but how we bring up our children will have huge consequences and I'm sure most of us will feel proud of that one day.

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  14. #10
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    "Behind every great kid is a mum she who is pretty surw she is screwing it up"

    Love that quote.

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