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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I said I hope the parents don't complain in 15 years when their daughter is disrespected by a male because the gender lines they drew when their child was young contributed to the gender divide later in life.
    This is a pretty long bow to draw, surely you jest? It may be as simple as keeping numbers down and not 'picking favourites' in the group and nothing more. It is possible to have a positive gender divide that is not always negative? For example, how about dad teaching his son the special things about women and that should be treated with respect and to be a 'gentleman' in front of women, eg no farting burping and leering at blondes in short skirts? It think this can be a very positive thing because we're not all equal, never have been never will be.

  2. #42
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    I can see what you are saying, but if you put a whole group of kids in the park with each other, generally they will play happily enough, especially at the age 3 . The only reason that boys wouldn't want to go to a pink princess party and girl's would want to go to a dump truck party is because we (society) tell them they shouldn't.


    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    The thing is that it's not necessarily about exclude a person because of gender, but girls and boys do naturally enjoy different things. You can't change that.

    My DS loves cars, trucks, balls etc, even though he does have a few dolls and a kitchen, he spends far more time playing with the more boyish toys.

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  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    When I first realised a heap of kids has been invited and ds1 hadn't I felt a bit hurt for him and ****ed off.

    When I realised only girls had been invited I felt relieved.

    Then, after I had a chance to think about it I felt bewildered - at 3 I don't know what kids have friendship groups based mainly on their gender? It made me think that a lot of gender differences later in life are probably learned behavior - starting with parents telling 3 year olds that they will only have kids of the same sex at their birthday party. After a couple of years of also walking through toy stores that have boys and girls aisles, Nanna buying little Johnny blue clothes and little Jenny pink clothes.... Voila! We end up with 21 year old chicks that like dying their hair blonde, wearing red lip stick and short skirts while out clubbing.... And blokes that like scratching their balls, farting, wolf whistling at the blonde chicks in the short skirts before going home and eating the dinner their mum cooked them. Ok a bit of an over exaggeration but hopefully you get my point.

    What did I do? I ranted to hubby about how I couldn't believe invites to a 3 year olds party could be based on whether a kid has a v@gina or a p$nis. My boy can rock a fairy wand with the best of them. I said I hope the parents don't complain in 15 years when their daughter is disrespected by a male because the gender lines they drew when their child was young contributed to the gender divide later in life. Hubby shrugged it off saying it could be worse - If DS1 was the only kid in the class that wasn't invited. I probably won't do anything else but I reserve the right to think (in the deep dark corners of my mind) the parents are twats
    Sorry I think you are totally overthinking it. I think the parents are totally entitled to invite whoever they want and feel comfortable with. And I think that if you choose to get hurt every time your child is excluded than that's a bit silly. Your child is the centre of your world but you needto understand early that not everyone is going to love your child as you do. Some children will love your child and some won't. And I think it's perfectly normal to just want all girls at your party or vice versa. We as adults have girls nights out do we not? I seriously think you just need to relax and enjoy the birthday invites that come when they come. I have a saying that I don't want to be where I'm not welcome anyway!

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I get that your hurt but you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Its one birthday party.

    Now if child was never allowed to play with boys/girls well then you would have argument. One off for reasons you don't know.
    Nah.. Not hurt .. More dumbfounded ..

    And you're right - it's not a big deal which is why all that has/will a result is a philosophical discussion with a very bored hubby and the lovely ladies on Bub Hub

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  7. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    I don't think you should force your kids to invite girls just because you think it's right, I think 3 year old parties are a drop in the ocean and the best way to teach your sons gender equality is to just lead by example
    Totally agree. In this case though I doubt a 3 year old went through the class roll and highlighted all the girls names... It was perhaps a case of the parents misleading by example?

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  9. #46
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    I find it really odd at that age to only invite the one gender. My DD has equal boy and girl friends so everyone will be welcome. My DD was invited to a little boy she is friends with at kindys party and she was the only girl there which I found a bit strange.

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    We have just let DD pick between 5-10 friends of her choice (from daycare or school) depending on the type of party (home or venue).

    Apart from a couple of boys she has mostly picked girls, I don't interfere, it's her birthday, her choice (within parameters). This year she chose to have a small princess party at a beauty parlour with 5 little girlfriends with mini manis and facials, last year she had a bigger party at the local bowls club with barefoot bowls with a selection of both boys and girls from her class and the year before a party at home with whatever kids she wanted to invite.

    DS is only 3 and hasn't yet had any daycare/ kindy parties we've just had backyard BBQ's with family and friends.

    For home parties we invite family/ friends and their kids (regardless of gender).

    Also, for us, numbers are limited by necessity to reduce cost and I imagine most families do this too.

    I'm sure most families aren't deliberately attempting to social engineer, they are just trying to keep their kids happy by giving them what they want within their means.

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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I can see what you are saying, but if you put a whole group of kids in the park with each other, generally they will play happily enough, especially at the age 3 . The only reason that boys wouldn't want to go to a pink princess party and girl's would want to go to a dump truck party is because we (society) tell them they shouldn't.
    I see what you're saying, my DS plays with girls and boys, but he does mainly play with boys, and it's not because we tell him to, we have tried our very best to not have a gender divide.

    He just seems to get on better with boys. Again, nothing we have said or done. He turns 4 at the end of this month.

    My point in my pp was that some kids are *naturally* that way (my DS is an example) not 100% of the time, but he prefers 'boyish' stuff.

  12. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Totally agree. In this case though I doubt a 3 year old went through the class roll and highlighted all the girls names... It was perhaps a case of the parents misleading by example?
    My DS did, he had a superhero 4th party last year and I said he could invite any one he wanted, there are 20 kids in his pre school, he invited 6 boys cause they were the ones he plays with and likes, I asked if he wanted to invite any of the other kids ( including the other 5 boys) and he said no , again with cousins and my friends daughters he had 9 girls at the superhero party so maybe always being surrounded by girls he was happy to finally have new boys to invite!

    This year he's made friends with 2 little girls from pre school so I'm assuming they will get an invite to this years party

  13. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I see what you're saying, my DS plays with girls and boys, but he does mainly play with boys, and it's not because we tell him to, we have tried our very best to not have a gender divide.

    He just seems to get on better with boys. Again, nothing we have said or done. He turns 4 at the end of this month.

    My point in my pp was that some kids are *naturally* that way (my DS is an example) not 100% of the time, but he prefers 'boyish' stuff.
    I don't disagree with you, some kids are naturally that way, and some kids aren't, yet most parties are gendered - well they are where I am from. My DS1 wouldn't think twice about inviting girls to his parities, he has best friends who are both boys and girls, my DS3 however is very much a boys boy, and at the moment has a particular distaste for "girl germs" as he puts it

    Whether we think it or not, whether we think it is worthy of discussion or not, our society is still very geared towards gender divide. And I think discussing these things is very interesting!

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