In the last two years I have had around 7 chemical pregnancies. Around 10 if you count the ones before my DS. I got a bfp yesterday only for it to be neg today...so guessing this is another one. We have just started with fertility treatment...doc thinks progesterone issues and/or my autoimmune disease are causing these losses.
I am taking this one harder than the others. I am just so tired of having hope...only for it to be snatched away. I feel like I can't complain because it isn't like I had weeks of having the Bub, seeing heartbeats on scans, only to experience loss. I don't have to experience d and c's or anything like that. I feel like I really shouldn't complain.
I will start with medications/injections next cycle. This was my last shot at doing it "naturally". I spent five months in hospital last year...I am under the care of four different hospitals as an outpatient. I was really hoping to avoid yet more medical intervention... And I am nervous about how the treatments will affect my medical conditions.
I feel so alone. When I try to talk to people about it I don't feel they understand. It wasn't a "real" pregnancy...they say maybe I am just reading tests wrong or getting false positives etc. I am told that I should be happy that it happened now and not later (which I am...we nearly lost my Ds several times before 13 weeks and I know thatvwould have been far more heartbreaking). But I just feel like I am being silly for being sad.
I also feel like I can't be happy when I get a bfp. I never know how long it will last. Because we nearly lost Ds I am scared I will have a later miscarriage.
Not sure what the point of this post is...just sad and feeling like I shouldn't be. And usually i do move on fairly quickly. I guess I am tired of this...and after all the medical issues I have had, and how hard I have fought to get my health back on track...I just want my body to work.