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  1. #1
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    Default Self respect and self confidence...

    Just out of curiosity how do you perceive your self respect and confidence. Do you feel you respect yourself more or others. Do you think it is important and is it something you try and install in your children. If so how high a priority do you rate it?

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    To me self respect is about believing that you are worthwhile and do not deserve poor treatment from others simply because you are a decent human and no decent human deserves that. I dont always have confidence and self esteem but i always have self respect and will teach my children to respect themselves and others if its the only thing i teach them.

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    I spent my entire child hood and teen years thinking I was nothing. I had 0 self respect. None. Confidence was induced by the drugs. Or maybe it was just not caring? When your either high as a kite or asleep all the time you just kinda stop caring what people think. I let so much **** happen but thats another story. When I was 17 and went to rehab and cleaned up they had a huge focus on self respect and confidence in yourself and I got a lot better and learnt to love my self for the first time.

    Then when I was pregnant I lost all of it again. Convinced myseld I was going to be a **** mum, I should never have wanted to be pregnant, i was a terrible person before so what is going to stop me being like that again?

    Im back now though. I know I do the best I can with what I've got. I know I will never be anything like I used to be. I know I'm a good mum even though I **** up. I love myself. I hate my body still but I still love myself and *most* of the time don't care what other people have to say about.

    With DD I am and will continue to do my very best to instill a sence of self value, self respect and confidence in her. The world makes it hard enough for females to prosper and grow and love themselves and in the long run, if someone doesn't respect them self then noone else is going to respect them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RaraMum View Post
    I spent my entire child hood and teen years thinking I was nothing. I had 0 self respect. None. Confidence was induced by the drugs. Or maybe it was just not caring? When your either high as a kite or asleep all the time you just kinda stop caring what people think. I let so much **** happen but thats another story. When I was 17 and went to rehab and cleaned up they had a huge focus on self respect and confidence in yourself and I got a lot better and learnt to love my self for the first time.

    Then when I was pregnant I lost all of it again. Convinced myseld I was going to be a **** mum, I should never have wanted to be pregnant, i was a terrible person before so what is going to stop me being like that again?

    Im back now though. I know I do the best I can with what I've got. I know I will never be anything like I used to be. I know I'm a good mum even though I **** up. I love myself. I hate my body still but I still love myself and *most* of the time don't care what other people have to say about.

    With DD I am and will continue to do my very best to instill a sence of self value, self respect and confidence in her. The world makes it hard enough for females to prosper and grow and love themselves and in the long run, if someone doesn't respect them self then noone else is going to respect them.

    When I was younger I had a drug addiction that only stopped when I got Pregnant with my first child. I did a lot of really stupid things and I know there is that old chestnut is mental health issues a result of drug abuse or the cause of drug abuse. But looking back on i t I had very little self respect for myself. I hated my self and my life and I find it really sad to think that drugs made me feel happy. I would never take another drug in my life again because I am so happy without them. I used to think there really was no comparable high to that of taking drugs but it turns out I just never experienced life enough. As corny as it sounds I feel a hundred times more happy taking my Mums dog for a walk during a sunset. I think drug abuse is strongly tied to self-respect.

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    This is a topic I'm highly fascinated by. I am very dominant and I really don't care what anyone says about me ever I just do and say what I like. Granted I won't ever bully someone or be cruel for no reason but I will defend myself if I feel I'm getting that treatment. I'm trying to raise my kids with a similar attitude but I find it's a battle between teaching them to be strong and peer pressure. I am so curious about this because I want to know what people deem self respect and self confidence as and how many people feel they or their kids have it and how that effe cts trying to teach a child to have it. I think peer pressure is a huge thing you battle raising kids and probably one of the reasons I had less self respect when I was younger surrounded by my peers.

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    Self respect was a huge thing when I was growing up. My parents placed big importance on it and, while there have been moments where I've let it slide, for the most part it's kept me from doing silly things and made me stand up for things that I believe in.

    I think that confidence is something that comes along with self respect. Because I've been raised to put up with nothing less than I deserve, I've surrounded myself with people that build me up. However, I've always made sure that I stay in the line of confidence and not to step over to cockiness.

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    dollypops  (04-05-2015),RaraMum  (04-05-2015),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (04-05-2015),Trusty Chords  (04-05-2015)

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    I think for some fields you go into though you need cockiness. If you don't have it you won't survive. When I was softer I got screwed over every single day by people I thought were my friends. They used me to help them with personal development getting me to spill the secrets of my skills and contacts in the industry. Now that I have a cockiness I can't begin to tell you how many doors are opened to me that weren't before. I think the moment I learnt that I didn't have to step through someones door and I would say no and stand up for myself it's attracted way more positive things in my life.

    It's confusing because my parents always raised me to be kind no matter how bad you are treated and look I am kind and nice but when someone gets in my way now I don't hesitate putting them int their place. Especially if they try to enlist a peer group to rally around and bully me further. I think that's the thing in the creative field if you are super good at something and you don't have the cockiness to back it and protect yourself you get eaten alive. Been there done that and it never worked. Everyone wants to succeed and they aren't going to help competition get better even if they are pretending they're your friend they're really only mostly concerned about being better than you. That's why I rarely make friends within the same field.

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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Self respect was a huge thing when I was growing up. My parents placed big importance on it and, while there have been moments where I've let it slide, for the most part it's kept me from doing silly things and made me stand up for things that I believe in.

    I think that confidence is something that comes along with self respect. Because I've been raised to put up with nothing less than I deserve, I've surrounded myself with people that build me up. However, I've always made sure that I stay in the line of confidence and not to step over to cockiness.
    I was raised similarly. I was always told that I was important, that I had choices and those choices had consequences. As an adult I like to make people happy and I do try to but not at the expense of my family and myself. Respect for yourself is the ability to hold yourself to a higher standard of behaviour. If you respect yourself then others will respect you. This extends to your body and mind. If you respect your body as a structure for your soul then you need to make good choices for your body. Same with your soul.

    My parents always said that your friends help you make your choices - so have decent people as your friends. Good people don't pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. So I have tho made a personal rule that some people would disagree with. I have zero tolerance for drug use. If any of my friends use drugs I walk away and don't look back. It doesn't matter if it's a small weed issue in high school or a dabble in coke as an adult. I walk away and move on.

    I try and instill self respect in my kids by honouring their choices as much as possible. So if they want to wear the same Peppa pig shirt for four days I just wash daily. But some things like dinner table rules I'm firm over. I try to be strict and fair.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    I think for some fields you go into though you need cockiness. If you don't have it you won't survive. When I was softer I got screwed over every single day by people I thought were my friends. They used me to help them with personal development getting me to spill the secrets of my skills and contacts in the industry. Now that I have a cockiness I can't begin to tell you how many doors are opened to me that weren't before. I think the moment I learnt that I didn't have to step through someones door and I would say no and stand up for myself it's attracted way more positive things in my life.

    It's confusing because my parents always raised me to be kind no matter how bad you are treated and look I am kind and nice but when someone gets in my way now I don't hesitate putting them int their place. Especially if they try to enlist a peer group to rally around and bully me further. I think that's the thing in the creative field if you are super good at something and you don't have the cockiness to back it and protect yourself you get eaten alive. Been there done that and it never worked. Everyone wants to succeed and they aren't going to help competition get better even if they are pretending they're your friend they're really only mostly concerned about being better than you. That's why I rarely make friends within the same field.
    I think there is a massive difference between being cocky and being self confident. And as you said, in alot of situations you need certain amounts of both. My mum never taught me to be kind or caring towards others. In fact she didnt teach me much at all. From around 12 I was hanging out with people twice my age, on the higher side of their teens and much older and I had the attitude to match them. I had no self confidence but damn I was a cocky little b!tch. I thought I could say whatever I want to whoever I want and I learnt that it isn't the way the world works by getting my *** handed to me plenty of times.
    Now I try to always be considerate of others feelings but I still suck at passive aggression so I can be a bit
    ... blunt? These days I just refuse to take **** of people. But I've also figured out a way to stick up for myself without bullying the other person or jumping ready to punch on.

    I will forever work hard to raise my DD to believe she is worth it, whatever that maybe, but that she doesn't have to belittle or beat down other people to be worth it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post

    My parents always said that your friends help you make your choices - so have decent people as your friends. Good people don't pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. So I have tho made a personal rule that some people would disagree with. I have zero tolerance for drug use. If any of my friends use drugs I walk away and don't look back. It doesn't matter if it's a small weed issue in high school or a dabble in coke as an adult. I walk away and move on.
    I have the same rule in my life now. I would never walk away from someonefor the past mistakes they have madethough as I made some atrocious ones. But I'm a pretty well adjusted woman now and I think I'm a pretty good mum and person in general, or at least, I do the very best I can.

    Edit: Actually Im not sure what I would do if someone confided in my they had been using something and wanted help. Will think more on this.....
    Sorry for derailing Trusty
    Last edited by RaraMum; 04-05-2015 at 08:53.

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