+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0

    Default Clinic won't sign off treatment

    Hi guys I've been reading your posts and this is my first about 4 months ago I did an AMH test (i have never TTC) and was shocked to find out that just a few weeks before my 30th birthday my AMH was 3.4. I have been in a 4 year relationship with my 38 year old partner which has been challenging and felt he would freak out if I involved him (I was very upfront when we met that I wanted to start a family before 30, he has regularly tells he wants the same thing but not sure of he wants it with me/ not sure if the relationship is right) so I went to the specialist appt by myself. The specialist recommend freezing eggs and said I should do it within 3 months. Total shock! I got all the paperwork from Monash that said I needed to do police check, child protection check, bloods, scan etc all of which I did ASAP so I could start tretment.

    My partner then starting voicing his concerns that he was excluded and wanted to be involved so I though fantastic -Finally he is stepping up and committing to me! He asked to come along to my first appt at monash to meet the patient coordinator and counsellor who spoke about different options- eggs or embryos. We left both thinking we could chose which path we wanted to go down then proceed. Conversation after this was all pro- embryo.

    I also brought my partner back to the specialist with me so he could get further info on embryos. The doc gave him forms for getting blood and sperm tests done. Again, conversation after this was all pro- embryo. Weeks passed as I was waiting for my next cycle and I noticed my partner hadn't done bloods or sperm checks so I raised with him if he was still undecided. He said yes. Another week passed with no decision so I said to him I just had to go ahead and proceed with the egg collection on my own because I couldn't jepordise missing another cycle while he made up his mind. His argument now is that he was 'willing' to do embryos to give me information about my egg quality, but not 'wanting' to create life with me!!

    I called the nurse to arrange an appt to collect my meds and she said she didn't have the instructions from the doctor yet so I called the docs room and explained the situation (embarrassing!) And asked the doc to send the nurse instructions for egg collection. Two days before the nurse appt she calls and says the doc still hasn't sent through my file AND the counsellor won't sign me off because my situation has changed!

    I have now missed ANOTHER cycle and am so frustrated and disappointed. I don't know if the nurse and counsellor understand my time constraints and I can't believe they won't sign off treatment! I have also since found out that I never needed to do police check and child protection check for just egg collection so I could have theoretically had the procedure done two months ago.

    The counsellor has asked to see both me AND my partner before she signs me off. I just want to proceed on my own with egg collection as if I was single, in my mind my partner has given away his opportunity to be involved and I am now questioning if I can stay with someone who has acted this way.

    Has anyone else heard of/gone through a counsellor not signing off?

    Has anyone gone through a relationship breakdown during ivf?

    Sorry about the long post!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    QLD
    Posts
    2,247
    Thanks
    441
    Thanked
    1,522
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    300 posts in a week - week ended 11/9/14200 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 11/9/14100 Posts in a week
    Hey OP,

    DP and I have done IVF - lesbian couple - but not quite in your situation. I can understand how frustrated you would be. Sometimes these things are so time crucial and it seems you've had a really uphill battle to try to get where you are! You're being messed around by both clinic and partner and that would be completely frustrating!

    Congratulations on being so pro-active on your fertility - you know that you want babies and you're being really active about making that a possibility for the future.

    I'm not sure what sort of advice you're after but if I were in your situation I would call the clinic and ask to proceed as if you are a single woman. State that although you're in a relationship it's not completely solid and you want the option to save only your eggs and you'll worry about the sperm when it comes time to implant the embryos. Imagine you have your eggs collected, mixed with DP's sperm, embryos frozen, only to break up in 5 years only to have to destroy the embryos because your now ex-dp doesn't want you to have his child. You're now 5 years older and egg quality has further declined and you have no frozen eggs, just embryos that can't be used because they belong to both you and DP. I hate to point this out, it's just a situation that could happen; I'm not saying it will.

    DP and I united when going through IVF - we were there for each other 100%, we communicated better and made a wonderful team. It's a really stressful thing, it can either bring you together or make things hard. Having children is a major decision. Tell your partner that you love him and can understand his hesitation, but you have to look at your future and that means freezing your eggs now.

    Good luck OP.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Best Things For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (03-05-2015)

  4. #3
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
    Winner 2008 - The most optimistic poster
    Winner 2014 - Most Helpful Moderator
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Perth WA
    Posts
    22,393
    Thanks
    5,359
    Thanked
    5,806
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator
    200 Posts in a week100 Posts in a week
    I do understand why they wouldnt sign off.

    If you do embryo's - your partner then has to agree for them to be implanted ... so if your relationship isnt exactly stable and committed, its not great for you anyway.

    I agree with Best Things - tell the clinic you want to proceed as a single woman. You may need additional councelling - but the eggs will be yours for you to do what you want with.


  5. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,838
    Thanks
    6,199
    Thanked
    16,883
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I would do an EPU as a single woman. You can always use them to do IVF later. As KM said, you need permission from your partner for them to put the embies back. I would hate to see you go embryos, use your precious eggs then 6 months down the track you guys break up and he refuses to let you implant them and you are left with no eggs.

    I would also be really evaulating whether you want kids to this guy as he doesn't seem sure at all. Kids are a huge decision and he seems to be flip flopping. You want to procreate with someone that really wants the same.

    Good luck

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (03-05-2015),ertgirl  (04-05-2015),Lillac  (03-05-2015)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    3,098
    Thanks
    7,209
    Thanked
    13,550
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I also understand where the counsellor is coming from I'm afraid.

    If it helps, I believe Monash are taking legal advise at the moment about allowing separated married women to undergo ivf before a divorce is finalised, as who owns the embryos is a very tricky area. They also have guidelines about de facto type separations too. I think you may need to be separated for 3-6 months. I'm guessing they have a duty of care to the embryos...making sure mum has a roof over her head etc.

    I'm not sure of your full medical history, and I'm guessing you've already thought about this, but it may be that if you're doing an egg collection you may be invoiced as social rather than medical ivf. This brings the cost up enormously.

    Good luck with your treatment.

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    8,595
    Thanks
    35,256
    Thanked
    19,707
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 20/8/15100 Posts in a week - week ended 13/8/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 6/8/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 30/7/15
    @berrytea Oh Luv, you're situation sounds very complicated from where I'm sitting. The only thing I want to say is if you do go down just freezing your eggs, I'd find out how many the clinic will let you freeze in total as it's my understanding that the thaw rate on unfertilised eggs isn't very good as compared to thawing out embryo's.

    I think the other Girls have given you good advice about letting them know at the Clinic you wish to proceed as a single woman due to your partner opting out. Would you consider using DS (donor sperm)??

    I wonder if you can just change clinics and start afresh somewhere else?? In regards to your partner, a man his age who's been in a relationship for 4 yrs ought to know by now what he wants and be willing to commit to that. If he doesn't want it, that's ok and his right, but you also have the right to know where you stand with this issue. Either he gets in the game or he gets out IMO.

    Anyhoo, I wish you all the best Luv

    P.S..I can tell you that our FC made DP and I sign consent forms before we started a Cycle which stated if our relationship ended that any embryo's we had on ice would be thawed and allowed to succumb as that was their policy.
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 03-05-2015 at 16:33.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to BlondeinBrisvegas For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (04-05-2015)

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    3,098
    Thanks
    7,209
    Thanked
    13,550
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Good thinking Blondie. You could always hedge your bets and do a cycle to bank your eggs and then a seperate cycle and bank donor sperm embryos. I don't know if that's allowed of course!

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tahli For This Useful Post:

    BlondeinBrisvegas  (03-05-2015),Wise Enough  (03-05-2015)

  12. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    4,111
    Thanks
    2,897
    Thanked
    3,329
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I was 30 and single when I found out my AMH was 11. I was devastated. I opted to go it alone with a sperm donor. I just don't trust egg freezing, even though it's come a long way.

    I would tell the clinic you and your boyfriend broke up to shut them up. They have a lot of stupid rules. Like if you want to donate eggs to anyone your partner has to have counselling and give approval. In my opinion it's your eggs you shouldn't need his permission.

    I always thought I would fall in love, get married and have kids. Didn't work out like I imagined. But I'm sooooo happy I wouldn't change a thing. I have two DDs to the same donor. If you ever want to talk about what it's like PM me.

    So in your position I would do as a PP did and split the difference, half frozen as eggs and half with as embryos with donor sperm. But I would want like 40 eggs frozen and 20 embryos because I'm a worry wort! My sister went through about 60 eggs and 13 embryos without getting a second bub .

    Good news is you may not have quantity but at your age the quality should still be ok. My last cycle my AMH was 5 and I made 20 eggs and 5 blastocyst embryos. It's great your on it early.

    As for your boyfriend after 4 years and he's acting like this I would ditch him. Things like this show people's true colours.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (04-05-2015)

  14. #9
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks very much everyone for your comments and kind words of support. I am consider telling the clinic I am now single (which I'm not technically- we've started relationship counselling separate to the ivf counsellor but I'm still struggling with reconciling my feelings towards him after all of this) and proceeding with the egg collection. I might also look into using a sperm donor after one or two cycles of egg collection. I'm starting to get my head around going it alone- I guess nothing ever turns out as you expect it!!

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to berrytea For This Useful Post:

    BlondeinBrisvegas  (05-05-2015),Wise Enough  (05-05-2015)

  16. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    20
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    9
    Reviews
    0
    If I were in your situation I would create embryos using donor sperm. You can always use them later on if you are single OR in a relationship. I have a friend who ha decided to go ahead and get pregnant using DS and IVF due to having the braca gene (sp?) and she got into a relationship whilst TTC. She is now 16 weeks pregnant and her partner is embracing not just her but the pregnancy as well. I think just freezing eggs is a huge gamble - IVF is very difficult and expensive and you don't want to end up wasting your precious time, eggs, money and emotional resources on "maybe" ending up with the right guy.


 

Similar Threads

  1. IVF $$$..clinic comparisons.
    By Nex in forum IVF
    Replies: 451
    Last Post: 05-04-2016, 16:25
  2. New to IVF - Clinic in Sydney?
    By Kookii in forum IVF
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 28-07-2014, 17:56

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
BAE The Label
Versatile, premium maternity wear that you will love throughout pregnancy and long after. Cleverly designed for for all stages of motherhood so that you can 'Just be you (+1)'.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Hills Swimming Kenthurst
Located in the beautiful suburb of Kenthurst and boasts a heated 25m pool. We conduct world-leading Baby and Parent Classes, Preschool Classes, School Age and Squad Training. Our classes are small, our service personal and our quality of the highest.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!