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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaraMum View Post
    I agree with everything you've said but at the same time, what about abuse that happens when the woman is doing all the right things? I know probably most predators are opportunistic and will just at the chance of a girl jogging through the park at midnight. But what about the girls that get dragged into cars, or the one drinking soft drink on a night out who gets slipped a roofie, or the one whos boyfriend decides to invite another guy into the bedroom to gangbang her consent not needed because its HIS girlfriend. Women who take all the right precautions are still at risk. Wasn't there a thread on here a while back about a woman who took her daughter to a public toilet in a crowded park and got beaten and raped in broad daylight? (I could have details wrong) but women that do all the right things still cop victim blaming.

    Where does the blame get taken off the victim and put on the abuser? Does he have to do it on a crowded street with many witnesses? Or would someone still pipe up and say "Oh but she shouldn't have walked with such a sway in her hips! A man can only restrain himself so much!"
    I know I'm getting far fetched here but I just don't know where society is going to draw the line.
    Agree. You're on fire today! :-)

  2. #22
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    Default Victim blaming major. #trigger warning#

    This is an old one but a good one. It shows victim blaming language that we use in regards to sexual assault and rape applied to other crimes. I think it highlights the point raramum was making before. Where do we draw the line with victim blaming and why is it so easy to apply to one group of crimes but sounds ridiculous when applied elsewhere.

    . ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1430513487.118162.jpg
    Last edited by Ashram; 02-05-2015 at 06:55.

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    Agree. You're on fire today! :-)
    Big storm + 2 sick kids + hubby worked until midnight and then went to bed+ a gazillion litres of coffee= insane rantings on budhub at strange hours of the night.

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  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashram View Post
    This is an old one but a good one. It shows victim blaming language that we use in regards to sexual assault and rape applied to other crimes. I think it highlights the point raramum was making before. Where do we draw the line with victim blaming and why is it so easy to apply to one group of crimes but sounds ridiculous when applied elsewhere.

    . Attachment 69795
    Oh Ashram! I give you all my claps! And then a gangster style *respect* head nod. :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
    Last edited by RaraMum; 02-05-2015 at 07:59.

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Or maybe she was scared and withdrew her claim?
    Or maybe she felt that if the Mayor was blaming her, everyone else would and actually started thinking it was her fault and withdrew it. Now that would be truly sad, that one ignoramus's comments could have led her to withdraw her statement! What a fool the Mayor is!

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Or maybe she felt that if the Mayor was blaming her, everyone else would and actually started thinking it was her fault and withdrew it. Now that would be truly sad, that one ignoramus's comments could have led her to withdraw her statement! What a fool the Mayor is!
    This.

    It has happened before.

  11. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaraMum View Post
    Oh golly... another threat I could rant about for so long. Ill try not to write a whole novel but no promises.

    Victim blaming is utter bull****. Girls are raised to have a rape radar so that we are always cautious to not put ourselves in endangering situations. Dont drink at a high school/uni party because if we get drunk and sloppy it isnt rape because we probably asked for it without remembering. Dont wear clothes that show your shoulders, knees, legs, hips, shape of your butt or any clevage because that means your asking for it. Dont go out alone at night because your asking for it. Don't act flirty unless you are planning to have sex because otherwise your asking for it.

    Basically don't do anything that may put you at risk because if you get raped its your fault. You know, the guy did it but somehow you asked for it. Society has this view now and its bull****. Unless I specifically say I want to dtd with you I am not asking for it.

    If it was turned around and a straight man got to drunk and was taken advantage of by a homosexual male then I doubt men hearing it on the news would be saying "Oh he should have taken more precautions, maybe he was asking for it? What was he wearing?"

    Ive experienced victim blaming. It's the worst because most of the time you believe it, because society tells us to believe it.

    Blame the violator not the violated.
    Yes!!

    Ive seen one of my best friends be gang raped and bashed when we were 15. We knew who it was, the police caught the offenders immediately and let them go without so much as a warning. They got the dna samples from my friend at the hospital. Then they dragged her down to the cop station bloodied, battered and bruised WITH OUT any parents or adult support and questioned HER. They told her they won't be taking any action because SHE was underage and had been drinking. When her parents found out they kicked her out and told her it was her own fault. She lived with us for months because we were the only ones who actually gave a **** and made sure she got professional help with counselling etc.

    I have also had it happen to me. Twice. The first was by an ex boyfriend. At my work. And I had to face him every day at school. I told my school councellor who I trusted with my life. Her exact words were "you shouldn't have led him on. If you start fooling around with a guy, he expects it. The police won't do anything". I felt worthless, and humiliated. Every time I walked passed this guy, he would smirk and give me a look that made me sick to my stomach. He knew what he did. He knew he would get away with it too. And I found out later it wasnt the first time he had done it. The second time was a stranger at a party. He was a friend of a friend. Again, when I spoke up about it (i told a good friend), I was told I shouldn't have put myself in that situation.

    Victim blaming SHOULD NOT happen. EVER. Sexual assault and rape SHOULD NOT happen. But unfortunately it does. Instead of focusing on how the victim could have avoided being assaulted or raped, how about society focuses on drilling it into people's heads that its NOT OK to prey on women (or men), that to assault or rape someone in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, regardless of what they are wearing, where they are or what they are doing.

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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheWarrior View Post
    Yes!!

    Ive seen one of my best friends be gang raped and bashed when we were 15. We knew who it was, the police caught the offenders immediately and let them go without so much as a warning. They got the dna samples from my friend at the hospital. Then they dragged her down to the cop station bloodied, battered and bruised WITH OUT any parents or adult support and questioned HER. They told her they won't be taking any action because SHE was underage and had been drinking. When her parents found out they kicked her out and told her it was her own fault. She lived with us for months because we were the only ones who actually gave a **** and made sure she got professional help with counselling etc.

    I have also had it happen to me. Twice. The first was by an ex boyfriend. At my work. And I had to face him every day at school. I told my school councellor who I trusted with my life. Her exact words were "you shouldn't have led him on. If you start fooling around with a guy, he expects it. The police won't do anything". I felt worthless, and humiliated. Every time I walked passed this guy, he would smirk and give me a look that made me sick to my stomach. He knew what he did. He knew he would get away with it too. And I found out later it wasnt the first time he had done it. The second time was a stranger at a party. He was a friend of a friend. Again, when I spoke up about it (i told a good friend), I was told I shouldn't have put myself in that situation.

    Victim blaming SHOULD NOT happen. EVER. Sexual assault and rape SHOULD NOT happen. But unfortunately it does. Instead of focusing on how the victim could have avoided being assaulted or raped, how about society focuses on drilling it into people's heads that its NOT OK to prey on women (or men), that to assault or rape someone in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, regardless of what they are wearing, where they are or what they are doing.
    Im so sorry this happened to you and your friend. This is why I get so angry about this topic. People are being hurt everyday and (i dont have real statics but will google shortly on suspected unreported rapes and abuse) I assume (because like you I never reported, friends never reported, and friends of friends never reported) many many many cases go by unreported. Criminals get away with it. The abused is left with a lifetime of pain and the abuser is scott free!
    I always assumed it was worse in smaller areas like my small town where everyone knew everyone but it isnt, its a global issue.

    p.s. if you ever want someone to talk to feel free to message me. Im usually around here somewhere
    Last edited by RaraMum; 02-05-2015 at 11:45.

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  15. #29
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    I was reminded of this Scottish ad. It's spot on!

    http://youtu.be/h95-IL3C-Z8

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  17. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apple iPhart6 View Post
    I was reminded of this Scottish ad. It's spot on!

    http://youtu.be/h95-IL3C-Z8
    I've never seen that before! A good find IPhart!


 

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