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  1. #11
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    There are so many things that could be causing this it's impossible for anybody on a forum to say for sure. I would first take him to the GP just to rule out reflux, allergies or other issues that could be causing the sleep disturbances. Then try sleep school or even some sort of in home sleep consultant like night nannies for example (we used them and they are amazing! They don't advocate leaving baby to cry so you don't have to worry about that). And there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping if that works for you.

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    Me&Smooches  (01-05-2015)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Sounds like your DS is set in his ways- habits have formed and been reinforced. Going cold turkey could be very upsetting for you both.

    First step would be to identify all the habits that have formed that may be contributing to night waking. Then Slowly weaning back on them one at a time. What is bubs bedtimd routine like? 20 mins play before bed or do you rock/pat/feed to sleep?

    You may also want to look at day naps, bedding and room temp and solid intake
    This is what worries me, creating bad habits and making it worse.

    Bed routine is bath or shower after dinner, cuddles, books or quiet play, he sits on his fold out cough for his bottle. Sometimes he falls asleep there so transfer him to his cot. If he doesn't fall asleep we cuddle and rock until he does. Room is dark we play lullabies until he is a sleep. Room temp is ok, he wont sleep in a sleeping bag so just pjs with socks and under a sheet and blanket.

    He eats well. Dinner is around 530 and bedtime 730

  4. #13
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    @SAgirl he is in a cot but i have been wondering if he should be in a bed. He wriggles so much that he will often end up with arms or legs through the rails. At the moment he seems to only fall asleep during the night if i can there either cuddling or patting. I have only used cosleeping as a last resort.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Me&Smooches View Post
    This is what worries me, creating bad habits and making it worse.

    Bed routine is bath or shower after dinner, cuddles, books or quiet play, he sits on his fold out cough for his bottle. Sometimes he falls asleep there so transfer him to his cot. If he doesn't fall asleep we cuddle and rock until he does. Room is dark we play lullabies until he is a sleep. Room temp is ok, he wont sleep in a sleeping bag so just pjs with socks and under a sheet and blanket.

    He eats well. Dinner is around 530 and bedtime 730
    Many people will say that if you cuddle or rock a child to sleep, or play lullabies as they fall asleep, the child will expect that exact same environment for every time they transition between sleep cycles. Which often causes sleep disturbances. If they fell asleep with you right there, music playing, they can expect you to still be there all night.

    Could you go cold turkey, after bottle give him a kiss and cuddle good night, carry him up to his cot, say goodnight and turn out the light? He'll probably cry, go in, soothe him, when he's calm, leave the room again. Could you try that?

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    A-Squared  (01-05-2015),VicPark  (01-05-2015)

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    Quote Originally Posted by preggasaurus View Post
    Many people will say that if you cuddle or rock a child to sleep, or play lullabies as they fall asleep, the child will expect that exact same environment for every time they transition between sleep cycles. Which often causes sleep disturbances. If they fell asleep with you right there, music playing, they can expect you to still be there all night.

    Could you go cold turkey, after bottle give him a kiss and cuddle good night, carry him up to his cot, say goodnight and turn out the light? He'll probably cry, go in, soothe him, when he's calm, leave the room again. Could you try that?
    This definitely makes sense. i guess i just have never wanted him to feel abandoned or alone.

    He used to be good a self settling until i was sick and up coughing all night which would have woken him. I always just rush to settle him to keep the peace in our household

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    Quote Originally Posted by Me&Smooches View Post
    This definitely makes sense. i guess i just have never wanted him to feel abandoned or alone.

    He used to be good a self settling until i was sick and up coughing all night which would have woken him. I always just rush to settle him to keep the peace in our household
    What is his comprehension like? When you put him down as suggested by pregasaurus, could you tell him you have to go to the toilet or cook dinner but you will be right back? Then when you leave he won't be distressed but might fall asleep while you are out of the room?

    Failing that even just making that small step of putting him in his cot and sitting next to him, he may fall asleep, so at least when he wakes his sleep environment is at least the same, the only difference is you aren't there. But to help with this you could make sure his sheet has your scent on it so when he wakes there's some sense of you being there.

    Does he have a comforter?

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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    What is his comprehension like? When you put him down as suggested by pregasaurus, could you tell him you have to go to the toilet or cook dinner but you will be right back? Then when you leave he won't be distressed but might fall asleep while you are out of the room?

    Failing that even just making that small step of putting him in his cot and sitting next to him, he may fall asleep, so at least when he wakes his sleep environment is at least the same, the only difference is you aren't there. But to help with this you could make sure his sheet has your scent on it so when he wakes there's some sense of you being there.

    Does he have a comforter?
    I do tell him if i need to leave the room but i will be quick. He just screams and cries. I nearly left my pj top with him last night i was just so desperate for some sleep.

    He sleeps with a dummy and he has 2 little trains that have to go everywhere with him. He holds onto them during sleeping.

    He settles great for his day sleep will often go wait at his cot and i normally just lay him down a few pats on the bum and he is off to sleep

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    My dd (nearly 21 months is the same)

    I used to bf her to sleep and she would wake all night long for more. So a month ago we quit cold turkey. Like you, I didn't want her to feel abandoned so I started patting her to sleep. In the middle of the night she would wake, I would pat, she would sleep and I would run back to my bed. 2 minutes later she will have woken herself up again looking for me to make sure I was still there.
    So, about a week ago we went cold turkey on the patting. I still sit beside her, and quietly tell her that I am right there, that she is so clever to go to sleep by herself and whatever other drivel comes to mind whenever she fusses. The first night she woke once, was awake for an hour or so, went back to sleep an slept until nearly 4am when we crawled into the spare bed in her room together (which is what we do every night, but 4am so far has been the latest she has slept in her own cot).
    Now, a week later she is back to waking herself up to check and make sure I am still there. Wednesday night was a shocker- last night was marginally better because all day yesterday I told her how mummy sleeps in her own bed with daddy and dd sleeps in her cot etc (I know she understands).

    I suppose my next step will be starting to sit further an further away from her and she puts herself to sleep at night so eventually I won't have to be in there at all so she stops waking to see if I'm there or not. Although, dd has never been good at subtleties, so we might have to do cold turkey with that as well.

    The thing that helped me was ready dr Gordon's method that Bond girl linked me to. It's actually for stopping night feeding, but I had already stopped bf all together by that stage; it was just helpful to read about how to go about subtle change.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Me&Smooches View Post
    This is what worries me, creating bad habits and making it worse.

    Bed routine is bath or shower after dinner, cuddles, books or quiet play, he sits on his fold out cough for his bottle. Sometimes he falls asleep there so transfer him to his cot. If he doesn't fall asleep we cuddle and rock until he does. Room is dark we play lullabies until he is a sleep. Room temp is ok, he wont sleep in a sleeping bag so just pjs with socks and under a sheet and blanket.

    He eats well. Dinner is around 530 and bedtime 730
    Others have given some great advice already. My tip would be to give milk before books and quiet play - last think you need is for your tot to fall asleep before bed and then be transferred. Or to associate drinking milk with falling asleep (will then wake through the night looking for milk).

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    I haven't read all the replies but I've gone through my fair share of sleep issues with my boys, my baby (15 months) still wakes at night, and I'm like you, I don't like leaving him to cry and I refuse to do that.

    Like you, I have also co-slept, we basically co-slept for the first year of his life.

    My bub still has a dummy.

    We don't use music, but he has a comforter and dummy. I slowly transitioned him back to his cot while I was still bf-ing during the night, I stopped that at 13 months but before that, after every feed, I would start putting him back in his cot. He got used to being in his cot.

    Next thing was night weaning, this is where the dummy and water came in handy, and lots of rocking.

    I guess what I'm trying to get at is do 1 thing at a time, don't try and tackle it all at once, you and bub are likely to both get upset and extra tired if you do.

    My aim now is to get longer day sleeps, he only sleeps 20 mins during the day so I'm now trying to resettle when he wakes, I've only just started a few days ago.

    I find with my bub, who was so set in the feeding to sleep, co-sleeping, rocking to sleep etc ways, that slowly worked best.

    For night waking what I have done, I've gone from rocking back to sleep every time, to rocking until he was quiet and not crying, gently lying him down, as soon as he made the first little noise, I whisper 'shh shh shh, mummy's here' and put his arm around his comforter and keep my hand on him.

    I just do that every night, if he gets worked up, I pick him up and hold him until he calms again. Once he's calm, I put him back again and do the same thing.

    When he's quiet I sneak out. If he cries again, I listen to hear if it's just a whinge and only once he starts to actually cry, then I go in and repeat the same steps again.

    It's exhausting but it does eventually worked. Some nights are more difficult if he's sick etc, but other nights we are lucky and he sleeps right through.

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