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  1. #61
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    I haven't read all of the other posts but some of them I have I totally agree with. I do not blame you OP you have been prayed on by a predator. That's what this man is a predator using his position to benefit him. Dr and patient should not be casually meeting up in the first place that's your first red flag.

    I won't go into it but I know a lot about emotional intelligence and behavioural psychology and this is a classic sign of abuseing power of authority. He has been grooming you like a paedophile would groom a child… It is actually making me feel physically ill you are defending him which is what most victims do. You are a victim. He does not have your best interests at heart. You need to report this man.

    Put it this way if you were your daughter would you be happy about this situation. I always use my own children as a gauge and if I would be furious at this with my own children then I wouldn't put myself in the situation either. People like this pick people who are easily influenced.

    Ultimately you are a grown woman and you can think for yourself and I or anyone else can't stop you but this is wrong. As a single mother my self I see it in my absolute power to avoid people like this because my children are precious. I would not have a human being like this around my children. And if you say it hasn't got that far what do you want or expect? If you date he will eventually have to be in your children's life. I have a fierce fierce mumma bear instinct and I am getting NO GO Zone here. In fact akan like this would never try me because he knows I'd tear him to shreds if anything happened.

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  3. #62
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    Oh dear. Walk away, don't say anything. It's too complicated, what benefit would there be in saying anything? Nothing good, just drama and complications. I can't see it ending well at all for either of you. Good luck

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  5. #63
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    I agree that it is predatory and highly unethical behaviour on his part. Run don't walk OP.

  6. #64
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    Default Attracted to my Doctor

    Any chance that because of your feelings towards the doc, there could be a difference between what the doc is saying and what you are hearing? Eg Doc says "you're looking well" (which is a greeting many people say without even looking at the other person) and you hear "wow, you're looking great! Really good, hot!". Or the doc says "are you ok, I know you've had a rough time lately" and you hear "how's you're marriage breakdown? I hope it's over for good because I like you." Or the doc says "I know you've had a rough trot lately, I hope you are getting out there and making time for yourself" and you think he thinks you are playing the field at Uni.

    I know that when women really like someone, in that first crush stage, they take one small tiny thing, hold onto it and use it to convince themselves that the guy really likes them. They can be oblivious to what is really going on and as the movie goes "he's really not that into you."

    If the doctor is innocent and has been professional I would hate for his reputation to be ruined if there was fall out from you declaring your feelings (if you were upset, needed support and others in his profession got the wrong end of the stick). You could also really really embarrass yourself if you are way off mark with what's going on (totally understandable with what you've been through).

    If the doctor does have feelings for you then nothing good can come of you telling him you like him and pursuing a relationship now (because let's be honest - telling him is not about being honest - it is about covertly dangling a fishing line to see if you get any bites). You will never be able to relax and enjoy a relationship with him unless you sever the doctor-patient thing and have a really big cooling off period (1-2 years?) and then pursue something.

    You have 4 kids. Don't go jumping on the shag-a-wagon just yet - give yourself time to heal and recover from the breakdown of your marriage and your last pregnancy (read the post before you deleted it - sorry you had such a rough time you poor thing). Your kids are probably going to be very confused and will need your love and attention - it will be a very busy time for you. In a year or two you will hopefully be stronger, happier, and in a much better position to contribute to a loving, stable, relationship - even if it is with your doc.

    I just can't see any good coming from you telling him now regardless of whether you eventually end up with him.
    Last edited by VicPark; 01-05-2015 at 20:53.

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  8. #65
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    At first I thought maybe I was misreading his comments, but he's gone on to say something of those things more than once, and it's only been in the last couple of months that I have had feelings for him.

  9. #66
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    Is he saying these things while he is acting as your Gyno or when you are doing the charity work together.
    If its when he is acting as your Gyno, I would be concerned.

    But if it's when you are doing the charity work together I personally don't see it as a huge problem like others. You obviously need to find another specialist whatever way this goes.
    We are all human, even Doctors. Stranger things have happened, you are both consenting adults so I really can't see a problem if you stop seeing him as a Doctor immediately and also maybe wait a few months just to save any judgement.

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  11. #67
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    This is really tricky. I think there is nothing wrong with being attracted to him. You are single and have a professional relationship outside of the dr/patient relationship so can see how you could both legitimately have feelings for each other.

    If this is a relationship you possibly want to pursue, I think you just need to be careful so he doesn't get in trouble.

    You probably need to make your feelings known to him in the professional setting and if he's interested, then you need to change doctors. There are heaps of great specialists. Even the best ones have back ups for when they are on leave etc. if he's not interested then you can choose to keep him as your doc or move on. I would just avoid mixing the two!

  12. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallenAngel14 View Post
    At first I thought maybe I was misreading his comments, but he's gone on to say something of those things more than once, and it's only been in the last couple of months that I have had feelings for him.
    The doc repeating things doesn't mean anything if you are putting your own interpretation on what he is saying . He could be innocently saying "how are you" everytime you meet and if you read into that "I really like seeing you I wish we could spend more time together" then that is still a distortion. It's hard for us online to offer specific opinions on this unless we know the exact words and context around what the doc was saying.

    How are you going with your kiddo's? Getting help from your ex? Is your ex being ok about it all?

  13. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by bella25 View Post

    You probably need to make your feelings known to him in the professional setting and if he's interested, then you need to change doctors. There are heaps of great specialists. Even the best ones have back ups for when they are on leave etc. if he's not interested then you can choose to keep him as your doc or move on. I would just avoid mixing the two!
    No no no no! Once the doc knows the OP is interested it would be highly unethical of him to continue to treat her. Once the OP opens her mouth the doctor patient relationship needs to stop!

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  15. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    The doc repeating things doesn't mean anything if you are putting your own interpretation on what he is saying . He could be innocently saying "how are you" everytime you meet and if you read into that "I really like seeing you I wish we could spend more time together" then that is still a distortion. It's hard for us online to offer specific opinions on this unless we know the exact words and context around what the doc was saying.

    How are you going with your kiddo's? Getting help from your ex? Is your ex being ok about it all?
    I think op said something about him asking about her relationships and playing the field with young uni guys… I'm not sure if you missed that but that's when I was like ummm No… That is not OK!


 

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