But I think the last part is really unfair. Let's assume for a second that the doctor's actions are exactly as the OP is perceiving - the meaning and the intention and the implication is all there. I think you'd have to agree that the 'pursuit' started well before OP telling him, and by a person in a position that commands respect, authority and power?
Whether OP tells him face to face or by SMS, he alone carries responsibility for how he responds to this. If she has misinterpreted, then there is no issue, unless he proceeds to take advantage of this knowledge by enacting something physical just because he can (HIM breaching HIS ethics); if she hasn't misinterpreted, and he chooses to act, HE is still making that choice, and has already breached his ethical obligations long ago. He is an agent in his destiny as well.
Having said that, I have already expressed that I wouldn't be confessing my feelings. I worry about what is going to happen next. And I do agree with VP that if you must say anything then SMS will give you both space for rationality and reason rather than passion and impulsivity.
I can not see how it can be compared. If a relationship did occur that ruined his career it is not going to leave a wife and children broken hearted. Completely different in my opinion.
The OP is in a period of calm at the moment. A make or break position. She has the ability at this point to either walk away... Or go after something that most have advised will likely end in disaster. OP has been in a similar position before - had a massive fight with her husband as she wanted a fourth kid and he didn't. He threatened divorce. Hubbers advised her to tread carefully. Not long after she fell pregant. It didn't end well (yes other factors were also involved). I'm not saying this to be nasty I'm just really worried - the OP has demonstrated a trend of rash impulsive judgements at times like this that haven't ended well. And this particular conundrum happening so soon after the premature birth of a child (is it really healthy to be seeking a full blown dangerous affair when you have a 10 month old child and have only recently split from your husband?) makes me think perhaps OP needs extra professional support. The OP has responsibilities - 4 kids - she can't continue act in a way that will likely bring herself stress and heartache.
I don't think it's a gender issue at all. I don't care if someone is a make or female - that isn't the issue. That they are acting with integrity and a way that isn't likely to end in disaster is the issue.
Last edited by VicPark; 04-05-2015 at 05:14.
As a doctor myself, it was made very clear to us in Medical School that it is simply not on to hit on/sleep with/start a relationship with, a patient.
It is unethical. End of lesson.
As a side note, it is completely fine to hit on/sleep with/start a relationship with, another doctor or member of the nursing staff!! And this happens all the time! My first boyfriend was another doctor in ED, and my second boyfriend was a nurse.
Luckily I saw sense and married a man outside of the medical profession
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OP i have been following on with this thread since it started.
After reading everything you have posted I have to agree with all the pp. End the doctor patient relationship immediately. Whether or not you tell him the reason why is up to you but I honestly think nothing good will come of pursuing anything with him. Even if you wait the required time to start anything you will never have complete and utter trust in him or your relationship because of how this potential relationship has come forth.
I wish you all the best and hope that you yourself will be happy with your choice.
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I am seeing him this week, and will ask to be referred on to see a different dr and will see how things go. If I still feel like I am not mis-reading things, then I will sms him afterwards and let him know what my feelings are.
As for my previous relationship, I haven't made any rash decisions, exDh and I were having issues relating to having a 4th child and when I posted that stuff a few years back it was after a particularly bad fight over it. I then found out that he had been cheating on me, and was thinking that he wanted to end things hence why he didn't want any more children. After I found out about the affair, and the possibility of us divorcing made him realise that he didn't want that after all (for me it's had the opposite reaction, but took me a while to come to this conclusion). I then accidentally fell pregnant, even though I had implanon in, and at the time we decided to continue with the pregnancy, as it's super hard to for me to get pregnant and stay pregnant. In the past I've had to have fertility treatments and I've had 7m/c's so the fact that I managed to fall pregnant with the Implant in and stay pregnant was a bit of a miracle.
So thank you for the concern, but I would hardly say that it was a rash decision or that I have a history of making bad choices.
Thanks Ladies for the advice, and I have taken it on board and given it a lot of thought. For those of you who are interested, I will update later on this week about how everything has gone.
eek - I would avoid an sms, or any "trail" for that matter. If you can't do it verbally face to face, then I would perhaps just do it over the phone at another time, or just simply cancel any further appts you make after this upcoming one, and simply ask the receptionist to transfer your file when you find another Dr. Just ask your GP for a referral to another Dr. Then you are no longer a patient of his. IF he does have feelings it leaves the ball in his court to contact you thereafter. But clears you of any wrong doing so to speak. And you can sleep at night
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