I wouldn't give it back, stuff them, they gave it to you guys it's their problem. As Pp said take it as payment for putting up with their craziness. How awful for you guys
Wow OP! Firstly, stuff the IL's and their money. They gave it to your DH as a gift, and a gift doesn't need to be repaid. A true gift doesn't come with strings attached. I certainly hope you're just paranoid about them wanting to do you harm, how awful that they have been so horrible to you that those thoughts would even enter your mind! *hugs* I second what a pp said, move away, change your numbers and cut all contact so that they can't find you.
Secondly, your mum! Oh my gosh, how awful I can totally understand why you'd cut her off. *double hugs*
It sounds like you'll be much better off without all of these toxic people in your life.
Enough is enough with these people, I remember your threads also. I wouldn't give back the money - they only reason (in my view) that they would give this to you and DH (and it was both of you, not one of you regardless of whose name was on the cheque) is so that they would have another thing to ***** and grizzle about and be involved in your life. It would have had nothing to do with helping you out, just giving themselves another 'connection' to you and some perceived 'hold' over the both of you. If you give it back it will then open a whole additional reason for them to communicate with you.
If they choose to slag you off to DH behind your back it just shows not only a total lack of class, but a lack of consideration and love for their own son, the woman he loves and the mother of their grandchildren. So sad for them.
I know it's hard but you need to stop giving them (and your mother also) free rent in your head, keep going with the renos and selling up and move somewhere nicer where you can start fresh. I hope you move next door to some really lovely old people who will be the perfect surrogate parent-neighbours.
Sorry if this is harsh - it's easy sitting behind a computer and not living it every day. Best of luck x
Sorry all for only just getting back now - been so busy yesterday didn't get a spare chance to pop on!
Hulahoop you're definitely not harsh love, what you say is spot on. DH is really uneasy about having anything to do with them, even to give back the money. Plus he truly believes he has earned it after the years they stole from him abusing him. He's still somewhat a broken man to this day, slowly recovering but still so far to go.
I think we'll just keep the money. I agree that they prob would have bopped me off long ago since their wonderful fortune was under threat the moment their son told them he had a new GF, 10 years ago. DH feels confident they wont hurt me in a physical way because as true narcissist they are, they don't like to do anything illegal where they will be faced with the law. But without question they will do the typical character assassination, which i can handle and used to it with these people now. IMO that weeds out the people i wont have time for anyways, as like you say anyone that does that to their son's wife is a sad individual and a reflection on them... anyone who were to buy into that crap i don't need near me anyways.
We're gonna just plot along... and have the faith they don't think im worth going to jail over lol! It's hard comprehending having such hatred towards me when all i have ever done was be nice and wanting them to accept me. Sadly no doubt they probably were able to sniff out that I have come from a toxic family as well, so id be a easy target to attack because id be vulnerable. Well I was especially back then when i first came into the picture.
Oh how I dream of having lovely elderly neighbors who could be surrogate grandparents for my kids
Good to see you're back! I've been wondering where you've been.
It seems to be a bit like ground-hog day because your hubby and yourself keep changing your minds and accepting them back in your life. I suppose you know that already though.
As for the money I don't know - I suppose for me it really depends on the specific conversations surrounding the money - who first suggested it, was it for a specific purpose, what were the words used when the in laws takes about it being a gift. And how soon after the loan your DH and his parents split. And how rich your inlaws are - unless someone is super rich I don't think it ok to take money from them and never pay it back regardless of what they say.
How is bubba doing? Your toddler?
Awww thanks for thinking of me! I had no idea i would be missed!
They're out for good this time VicPark. You're right they have been given far too many chances, and DH has finally realised for himself how toxic they are and how badly they effect him, which then means our marriage is effected. They're gone.... he hasn't spoken to them for a couple months and so far has no desire to. Their numbers have been blocked.
They gave the money to "him" as a gift to spend as he wishes.... but it was really them just buying more control over him. I think it was about 2 months later he cut them off after them continuing to attack him and try to mess with him after he sat them down and expressed that the bullying needs to stop. They went harder at him, he couldn't take it anymore so cut them off.
They're pretty well off now, they sold their house for nearly 1 mil. We'll see how things pan out, if they demand the money back then i plan to tell hubby to pay it once we sell the house. We'll play it by ear i guess.
Bubba is going wonderful , she's such a healthy happy smiley little thing - which is amazing after what she had to put up with while inside of me haha! My son is going well too, he just adores his little sister so much and helps me with her and he smooches her. We have been a much happier little family in all honesty since having the toxic narcissistic parents on both sides out. xxx
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