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  1. #1
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    Default Am I being paranoid? Regarding inlaws and money

    Hi all - my husband has super crazy toxic parents. I have posted about them in the past back when they were trying to rope us into taking out a $200,000 loan off them. They are extremely nasty abusive controlling people.

    Anyways, after my husband told them we will not be taking out the loan from them, they then threw $30,000 at him as a 'gift' .. I warned him it will be just a trap to keep him under their control. He told me this time they wont be able to, and if they don't start to 'improve' then he will still cut them off. He convinced me to agree to it because "its all he will get from their wealthy will as no doubt his golden child sister will be left the lot' ... I stayed out of it as felt at the end of the day that's his business.

    Well fast forward to they give him the money as a gift. DH has been telling me it was for both of us, but it was only written out under his name so i called his bull crap with that. Not that i care, I don't care for their money at all I just want peace and happiness. Well then a few months after the money was given, DH got into a massive row with them because of course they stepped their abuse up a few notches because they believed they bought the right. We visited them on NYD and they just went to town on us, I ended up setting MIL straight, but DH fell to pieces and didn't back me or stick up for himself... our3 year old son was effected by the occasion. So once we got in the car, I told DH i don't want to see them anymore. He is to deal with them on his own.

    He not long after that ended up having it out with them again, and decided he was done and has cut them off ever since.

    The thing is though he never told them he was ending it with them... he just blocked their numbers and completely ignores them now.

    We got talking about them last night, and he finally told me how much they have slagged me off when i wasn't there. How much they blame me for everything... and how I am "No good because I come from parents that got divorced" ... they would be very passive aggressive to my face, but never openly told me exactly how much they blame me and hate me.

    I now have concerns about DH having this money of theirs. We have put the money into doing this to this house so we can get it ready for sale, so we no longer have it on hand. I am worried that now because I realise how much they blame me for everything and hate me so much (they hated me before they even met me. When DH told them he had a GF, they blew up at him demanding he get a pre nup! We were only just started dating) So they are extremely territorial with their money. I know now, after DH finally telling me the truth of how much they'd verbally bash me when I wasn't there, that it would be driving them inane that we have this money and now cut them off. I can't have them in my life, or the kids. Thats not going to ever change now. But Am i sill to fear for my well being? Is that irrational to worry they will try to come after me now since I am the cause of all of their issues?

    How would you handle this, would you want your husband to give them back the money once we sell our house (and wont be able to afford to live where we dream to)

    Or say bugger them?

    I don't know what to do... we need to move as we live in a **** area with a psycho neighbor over the road who is still obsessed with us and still looks like an ice addict. But if we give them back the $30,000 its not looking likely we will be able to move away really ...

    I just don;t know if I am being silly for worrying about this ... of course DH thinks I am. I just wish he'd at least tell them why he is cutting them off, but he believes there is no use - they wont listen and will blame me anyways. Even though he has been abused by them all of his life (physically and psychologically)

  2. #2
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    I think you should just continue as you are now; you continue leaving your DH to deal with them, your DH continue to completely ignore them, and do your reno's to get on with your house and your life.

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    Consider it a payment for putting up with them all these years. No way in hell would I give the money back. They don't need it, you would be cutting off your nose to spite your face, and it would stir the pot again.

    You guys won't get any inheritance now, take what you can.

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    Is it irrational of me to think they could come after me though because of this money? Or is that unlikely over $30,000 ? FIL is pretty old, but he's one twisted angry individual.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    Is it irrational of me to think they could come after me though because of this money? Or is that unlikely over $30,000 ? FIL is pretty old, but he's one twisted angry individual.
    I would think that's irrational, yes. But then I don't know them.
    Anyway wasn't the cheque in your DH's name? So even if they wanted to take you to court or something, it wouldn't technically have anything to do with you.

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    I would 100% give the money back once the house is sold. 100%, no doubt in my mind. Sell the house, give them their money, and then get them out of your life. I remember reading your past threads about them and they are toxic awful people. Your husband taking their money was a mistake, which obviously you know/already knew when he did it. It will be much easier to move on with your life knowing you owe them nothing, even if it is just a technicality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I would think that's irrational, yes. But then I don't know them.
    Anyway wasn't the cheque in your DH's name? So even if they wanted to take you to court or something, it wouldn't technically have anything to do with you.
    Oh no im not meaning court sorry - I am meaning hiring someone to knock me off! Get me out of the picture...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    Oh no im not meaning court sorry - I am meaning hiring someone to knock me off! Get me out of the picture...
    I want to say I'm sure they wouldn't go that far, but I can understand why you'd be paranoid at this point.
    I'd been wondering about you, you've been quite quiet since your daughter was born, I was hoping that meant you'd been having less troubles with them, I'm sorry to hear that's not the case.
    My opinion would be... continue to block them, use the money to help get the house sold, get as far away as you can, do whatever you can to prevent them getting your new contact details and hopefully be free of them. Was there any kind of contract or documentation for the 30k stating it was a freely given gift? I guess if you could afford to return the money then it would be good to return it to break that tie, but if you do need it to help you move then I think that should take precedence.

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    Quote Originally Posted by deku View Post
    I want to say I'm sure they wouldn't go that far, but I can understand why you'd be paranoid at this point.
    I'd been wondering about you, you've been quite quiet since your daughter was born, I was hoping that meant you'd been having less troubles with them, I'm sorry to hear that's not the case.
    My opinion would be... continue to block them, use the money to help get the house sold, get as far away as you can, do whatever you can to prevent them getting your new contact details and hopefully be free of them. Was there any kind of contract or documentation for the 30k stating it was a freely given gift? I guess if you could afford to return the money then it would be good to return it to break that tie, but if you do need it to help you move then I think that should take precedence.
    Aww thank you for thinking of me That is so lovely.

    Well, sadly my life has continued to be the train wreck that it is. The issues with the inlaws have been on going, but also my mother. My mother is also mentally unwell - some sort of narcissistic personality disorder, im thinking more sociopath. Anyways cut to the chase with her - the last straw with her was her having my son one time (she would beg/demand to have him as he was her 'antidepressant') and she was uncontactable that day, i worried and finally got onto her about 5pm asked when can i pick up my son, she told me she'll bring him home to me.. so I waited patiently (stupidly) and she brought him home to me with a dent in his head and he was out cold from concussion. It was horrifying. She played dumb, didn't take him to a doc... just tried to 'wait it out'... she also came across as if she was enjoying me in a panic as I ran him to the shower and put him in a cold shower to wake him up while i screamed at her to call an ambo. Thankfully he came back to consciousness but he was so drowsy, no vomit but feeling very unwell. She found the whole ordeal a big joke. But thats how she likes to play things down. He apparently fell and hit his head on bricks at her house that she neglected to tell me in case id 'take him away from her.' I haven't spoken to her since, it was the last straw. Before that she was also being horrible towards my baby daughter, my mum is f*cked up.

    So yeah i have still been popping on to see how everyone is going but i just don't have a lot to add currently, as I think I am quite stressed.

    It's embarrassing having so many problems. When will it end?

  11. #10
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    I'd been hoping all was going OK too and you were on your way to selling that house. Hopefully the work you are doing will mean it sells pretty quick.

    What a horrifying tale about you mum. My dad is most likely NPD - hence he only gets supervised visits! Their moral compass is just out of whack!

    Personally, I would pay back the money. Even if it meant renting in my ideal area rather than buying. You need some geographical distance between you and your families. I think them having no leverage over your DH is a good thing as it sounds like they are masters at manipulating him.

    As for your FIL, I would think if he was going to do something that drastic he would have done it long ago.


 

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