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  1. #1
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    Default Newly single and need advice

    Hi all. I've recently split from my DF. Before I found out I was pregnant with DD we were having issues with money, in fact my words when I told him were 'I'm f#$!ing pregnant' (not the best story), due to being pregnant we worked out a plan and tried to move through the issues.
    This plan never moved forward because of him. I would offer advice, tips, got builders in and made multiple designs/budgets and every single time would get shot down.
    I would then be told he was so stressed and couldn't talk, couldn't do, I was horrible, blah blah blah. Before DD was even 3 months I had jack of it and moved in with my mum. This was a temporary solution to again try and work through issues, I was going to find my own place while he sorted FILs where we lived. His 'stress' then got 'so bad' and he took it out on my nephew, this then ended any chance in my head as the tone he used should never be used with a child, especially one who had done nothing that wasn't in line with being a normal 6 year old.
    This was the tip of th iceberg after a year of regression in his behaviour and emotional abuse and blackmail that I'm only just understanding how bad it wad so we are 100% over.
    Since then he isn't coping, won't accept were over and is being treated for depression and anger issues. Hes also trying to hit me with more emotional blackmail and I'm now the worst person in the world for contacting child support and am wondering how I go about mediation.
    Hes a very angry person, I'm hoping not to do anything until I get all my stuff out as even though I'm going to work with him and try to be reasonable for visitation I think he'll get angry.
    Now to my proper questions.
    1. Should I be allowing him visitation before any agreements are in place?
    2. What are my rights if he decides not to bring the kids back.
    3. Do I have any right to say both(DS 20 Months, DD 3 months) or not at all as he is virtually ignoring DD and the one visit he has done didn't take her. I don't want this to be continuing, she is his daughter.
    4. Can I write up visitation and if he agrees take it to family law or does this need to be agreed in mediation?

    I'm sure I'll have more questions but I'm at a loss atm. Thanks in advance 😙

  2. #2
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    Oh you poor thing. Sounds like you are making good steps forward. I can't offer a lot of advice. Haven't gone through it. Perhaps you could organise supervised visitation for the kids? Sorry I can't offer anymore advice but just want to say good luck xxx

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to lolz83 For This Useful Post:

    Coop8818  (28-04-2015)

  4. #3
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    Thankyou @lolz83. It's been hard but I'm honestly so relieved and in turn so much happier since leaving. His behaviour after the incident with my nephew was very childish and since then has been very childish and it's a toxic environment so knowing I'm doing the best thing for the kids is helping so so much. Also have massive support from DIGs and family/friends which is also helping. Have my moments but most of the time I'm happy and excited for my future where I'm not walking on eggshells

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    lolz83  (28-04-2015)

  6. #4
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    1. Should I be allowing him visitation before any agreements are in place? I wouldnt, tbh if he's that unstable Id do mediation and insist on court papers.2. What are my rights if he decides not to bring the kids back.without papers? not alot, you can get police to do a welfare check then you have to file for them to be returned, this can take months even if you have exact location of childrenwith papers, you still have to file but it speeds things up I believe as one parent has then breeched court orders and withheld the children when its the others custody time3. Do I have any right to say both(DS 20 Months, DD 3 months) or not at all as he is virtually ignoring DD and the one visit he has done didn't take her. I don't want this to be continuing, she is his daughter.yes you do but tbh I'd insist on short visits of a smaller child, particularly an infant who cant tell you if your ex flips his **** and hurts them4. Can I write up visitation and if he agrees take it to family law or does this need to be agreed in mediation?mediation is required first, if agreements cant be made at mediation it goes to court, a lawyer can get the mediation papers sent away and turned into orders

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    Coop8818  (28-04-2015)

  8. #5
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    OK so the plan will be supervised visits with me there before anything and then mediation once I clear the rest of my stuff out. Thanks 😙

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    ThenThereWereThree  (29-04-2015)


 

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