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  1. #1
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    Default Stay at home dads

    As stay at home dad with 2 little ones ,I find it sometimes a bit difficult to deal with people’s reactions . Mothers group doesn’t seem that interesting for me the women seem to turn a bit of a cold shoulder to me ,they are polite an would smal talk but mostly gossip among each other . Last week I had a tradie in to do some work in the house who smugly made some remarks about having the good job and after I told him that it was the best job in the world looked at me like I was crazy. Do any other dads have similar experiences ,how do you deal with it

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    Hi Nhero. I'm a mum but I can reply from my Dhs side
    When DD was 6m old I had to return to full time work; because of her severe reflux and sleep habits we decided no tto put her in daycare and DH decided to become a stay at home dad..and continued to be one till DD was 2yrs old.
    Main way he tolerated all the remarks from otherguys(and women) regarding him not working was finding other local stay at home dads and meeing up with them
    We found the group from the local child health nurse so maybe get in touch with them?
    It was hard for him to deal with judgemental attitudes but he was happy to do it as it was the best decision for our DD

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    Nhero  (28-04-2015)

  4. #3
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    You know why people gossip right though? You know why people talk bad about anyone right? It's insecurity. They probably have a hard time at home getting their partner's to do anything and they are resentful of your wife being able to work and have you stay at home. Even if people don't admit they are jealous or insecure there is a deep internal discord inside people that is so subliminal even admitting it is hard because they usually don't know why they are hating you for no good reason.

    Not everyone is like that thankfully. I think the main thing is you need to look for people outside of the school group maybe other sahd. The other thing is society always will have some joke to say about it. I've had sahd friends tell me these things and they are really confident in their job so they just brush it off. Have some confidence say to yourself I'm good enough and anyone who tells me otherwise is wrong. Then go find your tribe.

    Wait haha wrong words her job poor wording excuse the freudian slip of the tongue I'm so sorry! See so deeply ingrained in society lol...
    Last edited by Trusty Chords; 28-04-2015 at 17:40.

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    Nhero  (28-04-2015)

  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by naomi1972 View Post
    Hi everyone, I am new to here but I thought I'd share a story with you all.
    I had a Blue Heeler (Cattledog) for 15 years. I couldnt have children and she was my baby. Her name was Heaven Leigh.
    She passed away in April this year and I am still very devastated. I find some inner peace for two reasons which I will share.
    1) We gave her a full and proper burial service and her body has been laid to rest on the top of a masive hill overlooking the ocean on one side and a huge valley on the other. It is a very beautiful and peaceful spot and I get some comfort from this.
    2) The main reason and the relevant section of this story to this forum is this; The night before she died I had a dream.
    I dreamed she was curled up in my arms and I was carrying her. I placed her into a palm that had come down from the sky - it was a very big hand and she fit into the crest of the slightly curled fingers. The next image I had was of her running through a daisy filled medow with my partners dog who we had lost several years before and who was her best friend. She was running excitedly and playing with him.
    When she died she had severe arthirits and was blind.
    I believe I gave her back to God and she has a new life in heaven. Her spirit has been freed of the sickness and pain that had taken over her earthly body.
    It was a profound dream and I knew she would pass away when I awoke the next morning. I miss her dearly but I know she is in a better place.
    (For me) This is what spirituality is: It is the beliefs we hold on to to help us deal with the reality that we will all die sometime and its what gets us through the pain when it happens. Everyone has the right to believe what makes them feel secure.
    For some people, humans are the top of the soul-chain (some even think we are the only living creatures with a soul) but I believe any life is as important as the next and we all convert back to energy (the spirit) when we pass away.
    I am no newcomer to loss as my father passed away a few years ago, when he died I asked him to help me to see the truth in a situation that had been causing me great distress for a long time and some very extraordinary things occured after his funeral that I cannot fully explain - only that I found out the truth I was seeking.......... There is more to 'life' than what we can ever try to understand.
    Good on you for being a SAHD. You need to live here, there's quite a few SAHD's at playgroup. Sad that the mothers sit there and gossip, unfortunately we have had that and I just can't seem to join them, not my cup of tea. I would rather chat to the dads who are their for the purpose of their children interacting and playing rather than the purpose of themselves gossiping because they have nothing better to do... obviously

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    You know why people gossip right though? You know why people talk bad about anyone right? It's insecurity. They probably have a hard time at home getting their partner's to do anything and they are resentful of your wife being able to work and have you stay at home. Even if people don't admit they are jealous or insecure there is a deep internal discord inside people that is so subliminal even admitting it is hard because they usually don't know why they are hating you for no good reason.

    Not everyone is like that thankfully. I think the main thing is you need to look for people outside of the school group maybe other sahd. The other thing is society always will have some joke to say about it. I've had sahd friends tell me these things and they are really confident in their job so they just brush it off. Have some confidence say to yourself I'm good enough and anyone who tells me otherwise is wrong. Then go find your tribe.

    Wait haha wrong words her job poor wording excuse the freudian slip of the tongue I'm so sorry! See so deeply ingrained in society lol...
    Insecurity... you have hit the nail on the head

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    Trusty Chords  (28-04-2015)

  9. #6
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    My husband isn't a sahd but he works part time so he does take the kids out a lot. So far he hasn't had any bad remarks said to him (not sure if people talk behind his back though).
    It's a shame that men just can't be dad's and spend time with their kids without others getting jealous.

  10. #7
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    DH was a SAHD until DD was around 2, then has been working part time in his business since then, but still does more time at home with her than I do and all the kinder drop off/pick ups. He has copped a few negative remarks but generally he's had a good experience, our mums group has accepted him with open arms. He has made a huge effort though, in terms of organising play dates and in inviting people over for scones and tea (sometimes cheese and wine too) and I do think that's made a big difference. People appreciate it and some other dads have even taken mornings/arvos off work to come over to catch up with DH.

    I hope it gets easier and you can connect with some other local parents who are open to your situation and won't judge! DH had a wonderful time at home with DD and they have such a close relationship now, it's so nice when dads take on more of the "traditional" women's roles in the home, it sets a great example for the kids and the bonding time is priceless.


 

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