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  1. #11
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    Default I hate being a parent

    Gigantic hugs, this post describes my relationship with my daughter, it is such a hard position to be in,
    I love her to death but a lot
    Of the time I can't stand her and don't know what to do, my
    Other child isn't like this at all. I don't know what to suggest, I just wanted to thank you for your honesty, I hope you find a solution that works for the both of you xx

  2. #12
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    Thanks again for the kind support. She's on the waiting list for the pediatrician. But that fact that she is so good with everyone except me makes me think it's me, I'm doing something wrong. I do agree with Deku that she might think I'm abandoning her if I did leave her with her dad. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong. I read and educate myself on all kinds of parenting techniques but nothing seems to work. So I though maybe she needs more of my time and attention, so I tried that and it blows up in my face. She can be the sweetest kindest little girl one minute but she is so irritable and the smallest thing will set her off. But it seems to happen more often when she's around me.

    I just want my life back, but I wish I could have both her and a life but it seems like I can only have one or the other. I'm considering counselling for her, sometimes I wonder if she may hate me for leaving her Dad or something like that. I'm the one who moved out with her and she remembers.

    I just want some support and a break, more than the every second weekend I get now. But we live too far away from her dad for him to have her more often.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    How old is your daughter? Have you been at home with her since birth? I think mine has been using me as a punch bag to blame me for anything that's wrong because we spend so much time together. She has to control herself so much at school so thinks she should be able to control me at home. What kind of things does she say to you? I'm not sure if I can offer any useful advice as I'm feeling so confused about my own family but just wanted to let you know I can empathise.
    She's 6. I was home with her up until 18 months and then I went to uni. We left her dad when she was 3 and I was doing uni and working for a while until my health went bad. I've been off work for a year.

    She says a lot of different things to me when she's angry. Anything that she thinks will hurt me. She doesn't swear or anything, just 6 year old stuff like stupid, silly, dumb etc. That stuff annoys me but I know it means nothing, what I don't like is how she screams over me when I'm trying to talk to her, so I can't communicate with her and when she has tantrums and hits.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    You're honesty is incredible.

    Some random thoughts....,do you think the two of you have a good bond, a secure attachment? If not, this can be worked on (I can recommend a place in QLD)

    Is a 50/50 split feasible?

    You don't mention how old she is, does she have an opinion on who she would like to live with?

    I'm sorry you feel this way x
    She's 6 and she has said she wants to live with daddy when she's angry at me, but i don't think she really does. We live 1.5hrs away so 50/50 can't be done. We had a great attachment when she was a baby, I miss that stage she was a lovely baby and toddler. I'm not really sure now, I feel like we just clash. But I try, she just pushes me away.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaximumStarlight View Post
    Is it possible she's picked up on your feelings and is acting out? Or modelling your behaviour?x
    Possibly, I would never say it to her but I guess she may have picked up on me not liking her much. I love her, there is no doubt, but I do not like her personality. Kids can pick up on that can't they? Well to be clear I don't like the side of her personality that she has been showing lately. She has another side which is lovely, sweet, kind, generous, helpful; but I'm not sure where it went.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by PipersMummy View Post
    Gigantic hugs, this post describes my relationship with my daughter, it is such a hard position to be in,
    I love her to death but a lot
    Of the time I can't stand her and don't know what to do,
    That's exactly how I feel.

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    Freyamum  (27-04-2015)

  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by LostYogaPants View Post
    She's 6. I was home with her up until 18 months and then I went to uni. We left her dad when she was 3 and I was doing uni and working for a while until my health went bad. I've been off work for a year.

    She says a lot of different things to me when she's angry. Anything that she thinks will hurt me. She doesn't swear or anything, just 6 year old stuff like stupid, silly, dumb etc. That stuff annoys me but I know it means nothing, what I don't like is how she screams over me when I'm trying to talk to her, so I can't communicate with her and when she has tantrums and hits.
    My 8 year old is an angel at school and generally better for dad. Calls me names, criticises me all the time (I spend too much time with baby, then I'm not playing with baby enough, if I don't know something or disagree with her thoughts I'm dumb etc). I doubt it's you more just that you are there more than her dad? I so relate to what you said about reading parenting books etc. I get so frustrated when dd is being so nice to Dp and mean to me when I put in all the effort and he's just around to play at the weekend. It's so hard. I've tried so many things and it's so demoralising when I get mean backchat no matter what I say. If I was separated I'd probably think the same that we'd all be better off if she was with him and not me but I suspect it's more that her personality is to take it out on the one whose closest. Sorry again not sure if my replies are helping or making things more confused. This parenting thing is not easy and pretty thankless for the most part! It's soul destroying when the person you love the most and do everything for is the one hurting you. Hugs.

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  10. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by LostYogaPants View Post
    She's 6 and she has said she wants to live with daddy when she's angry at me, but i don't think she really does. We live 1.5hrs away so 50/50 can't be done. We had a great attachment when she was a baby, I miss that stage she was a lovely baby and toddler. I'm not really sure now, I feel like we just clash. But I try, she just pushes me away.
    Gosh I can't get over all the similarities! I had the closest relationship with dd as a baby, I think that's what makes it so hard? Hmmm might stop contributing and instead listen to others advice for me too!

  11. #19
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi lostyogapants, can you reason with her,, tell her you love her, but just dont like seeing this nasty side of her. ask her to please treat you like you are one of her friends and you will try to treat her like one of your friends. sort of pretend you are friends, and really try to be respectful and caring towards each other. ask her to just try for a little while and see how it works . that might at least be a step in the right direction. hugs, marie.

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  13. #20
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Can i add that children will always be themselves; especially their horrible side around the people they feel most comfortable with.

    My children have autism, my middle son is an angel at school, at other peoples house, for his grandparents... He gets home after holding it all together for so long and he unleashes hell on us. Aggression, screaming, violent out bursts, how he really feels and his natural impulses to lash out and lose his sh1t... Because he knows we love him, and he knows that we'd never hurt him etc

    There are ways to deal with this tho. Firstly when we felt out of control as parents (my husband and i) we went to a child psychologist and learnt how to apply a parenting program to manage behaviour at home. Every week for almost two months we went to these sessions. Some stuff didnt work and wasnt right for us, but we have applied quite a few strategies and it has helped A LOT.

    When we slack off with it... His behaviour towards his father in particular is downright hateful and horrible. When we get really consistent with the strategies again; things change almost immediately so consistency really is the key. The psychologist also spent time with my son playing and chatting a little and he spoke about some things that bothered him; like being told what to do. Being on the spectrum he has major control issues... So we learnt that we would give him two options instead of telling him to do something; this made him feel in control and that made a huge difference as well.

    I dunno im rambling. Pm me if u want to chat

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