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  1. #1
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    Default I hate being a parent

    I feel like I can only say this anonymously. I don't like this parenting thing, I regret it. I don't think I'm cut out for this job, I suck at it. I just have to look at my daughter to see how crap I am, she's a monster! Of course I love her more than anything and that's why I haven't given up. I have seriously been thinking about sending her to live with her dad, but I just can't do it. But maybe it would be the best thing for her. She gets along with him, she behaves for him. She hates me no matter what I do.

    I've tried everything to fix things but nothing works. I try to do nice things for her like play games, take her out, or treat her to something and often it ends badly with her being ungrateful or rude to me, yelling or abusive, I did something wrong, so why should I bother?! I am under so much stress it has affected my health and I can't get a job because of her. I want to work.

    She doesn't listen, she treats me like crap, she hits, screams, yells abuse, yells over me yet is an angel at school. She has moments with her dad but nothing like this. I just think we clash or she hates me, we shouldn't live in the same house, we don't get along. I wonder if it would be best for me and her dad to swap rolls, he can be the full time parent and I have her every second weekend. I could have a life again and go back to work. But a part of me doesn't want to give her up, but maybe that's selfish and I should do what is best for her. I look at other kids at her school and they are so good, of course they have their bad moments but they are mild compared to my kid.

    She was such a great baby, I miss that stage. I will never have anymore kids, I know that now.

  2. #2
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hugs, I hope you can find a way to relate to your daughter, and somehow build a better understanding. would there be a chance of a longer stay with her dad, if you think that might be helpful. marie.

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    Not many people admit how hard it is.

    I just wanted to give you a squishy hug xxxx

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    How old is she? Could you guys try therapy?

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    Hugs*

    Could you trial it and see how you go? For a few weeks? Give you and her a chance to miss each other, for her to see what life without you full time is like. And after the trial if she is happier then consider making it permanent?

    Im so sorry that its so difficult for you. I applaud you for your honesty.

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    I'd be concerned that despite initial enthusiasm, she'd think she's being given up on and abandoned by you which might lead to further issues.
    Huge hugs OP, what a hard situation. I rather regret becoming a parent too, but only have a baby at this stage so have no advice on the behaviour side of it.
    I think Wise Enough's suggestion of family counselling could be a good idea.
    Did she ever get assessed for any kind of SPD/ASD that was talked about before?

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    Quote Originally Posted by LostYogaPants View Post
    I feel like I can only say this anonymously. I don't like this parenting thing, I regret it. I don't think I'm cut out for this job, I suck at it. I just have to look at my daughter to see how crap I am, she's a monster! Of course I love her more than anything and that's why I haven't given up. I have seriously been thinking about sending her to live with her dad, but I just can't do it. But maybe it would be the best thing for her. She gets along with him, she behaves for him. She hates me no matter what I do.

    I've tried everything to fix things but nothing works. I try to do nice things for her like play games, take her out, or treat her to something and often it ends badly with her being ungrateful or rude to me, yelling or abusive, I did something wrong, so why should I bother?! I am under so much stress it has affected my health and I can't get a job because of her. I want to work.

    She doesn't listen, she treats me like crap, she hits, screams, yells abuse, yells over me yet is an angel at school. She has moments with her dad but nothing like this. I just think we clash or she hates me, we shouldn't live in the same house, we don't get along. I wonder if it would be best for me and her dad to swap rolls, he can be the full time parent and I have her every second weekend. I could have a life again and go back to work. But a part of me doesn't want to give her up, but maybe that's selfish and I should do what is best for her. I look at other kids at her school and they are so good, of course they have their bad moments but they are mild compared to my kid.

    She was such a great baby, I miss that stage. I will never have anymore kids, I know that now.
    Hugs your post has brought tears to my eyes as I sometimes have those feelings and my oldest daughter can be like that. I'll write more later when I have time but what I'm realising about myself is that I'm not perfect but dd's behaviour is not all down to me. How old is your daughter? Have you been at home with her since birth? I think mine has been using me as a punch bag to blame me for anything that's wrong because we spend so much time together. She has to control herself so much at school so thinks she should be able to control me at home. What kind of things does she say to you? I'm not sure if I can offer any useful advice as I'm feeling so confused about my own family but just wanted to let you know I can empathise.

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    You're honesty is incredible.

    Some random thoughts....,do you think the two of you have a good bond, a secure attachment? If not, this can be worked on (I can recommend a place in QLD)

    Is a 50/50 split feasible?

    You don't mention how old she is, does she have an opinion on who she would like to live with?

    I'm sorry you feel this way x

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    Is it possible she's picked up on your feelings and is acting out? Or modelling your behaviour? My son's behaviour started becoming a bit of a problem and I realised he was modelling my behaviour (we were using smacking as discipline). I didn't like his behaviour so I changed our discipline method (now we use the naughty chair) and his behaviour has changed for the better. I'm not saying your discipline methods are wrong, just perhaps she's picking up on your feelings and is acting out because maybe she doesn't feel wanted? I'm sorry you're in this situation, I can't imagine how hard it would be. Perhaps sharing time with her dad might be a good solution. Good luck x

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    Quote Originally Posted by deku View Post
    I'd be concerned that despite initial enthusiasm, she'd think she's being given up on and abandoned by you which might lead to further issues.
    Huge hugs OP, what a hard situation. I rather regret becoming a parent too, but only have a baby at this stage so have no advice on the behaviour side of it.
    I think Wise Enough's suggestion of family counselling could be a good idea.
    Did she ever get assessed for any kind of SPD/ASD that was talked about before?
    Yep I'd worry about that too. Could he take a week off work and give you thinking space? For me I have felt very rejected by my dd1. Sometimes she says such cruel things and once recently she said I shouldn't have had children if I didn't love them (this because I carried her younger brothers bag to school). I was feeling so bad I suggested we get her into after school care if I was doing such a bad job. That made things worse I think that just confirmed her bad thoughts. What's crushed me is the feeling that I gave everything to this family, left my career, family, friends to be here to look after them and all I get is grief! But now I recognize that my disappointment that she is turning out mean is probably making her worse and now with bubba 3 I'm putting career plans in action sooner and putting me first sometimes so my happiness isn't 100% dependent on their love and appreciation as reality is most kids do take their parents for granted to an extent. I'm seeing a psychologist and that's helping a bit. That could be a start even without your dd?

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