+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0

    Default fulltime working mum, exhausted

    I am a fulltime working mum of 2, ds7 and ds9.
    My children started living with my partner and i full time in february, after dad went a little AWOL.
    Before this they were staying with us on weekends, and with dad (in the grandparents family home) during the week.
    When they moved in i started driving them to school, which is right next to the grandparents home (which dad has been moved out of) and a 40minute round trip in morning traffic. It became apparent that i had to leave my jobs,as it was causing too much time issue. I got a job closer to home, and its on the way to the kids school.
    Last week they started getting the bus to and from school (i drop them off at my work, and they come to work after school).
    My ex is convinced that he is 'having a break', of course this is a break from being unemployed, letting his mother do most of the things for the boys, and having the weekends off. He thinks he will waltz back and take them at some point. That will NOT HAPPEN. now i finally have them,he wont be getting them back.
    My issue is that I have been broke for a whilse now, and was finally getting back on my feet before the kids moved in. After constant school things,and our rent and expenses going up, even after getting a better paid job, im still broke and paying back my partner.
    Of course with my ex being unemployed theres nothing i can do money wise from him. His parents have been away, which has interupted the schedule of them having the kids once a fortnight.
    On top of that i have had a very bad flu for nearly 3 weeks now, and not been able to take any time off work.
    To be honest im just feeling like giving up.
    i wont obviously, but the feeling lingers sometimes.
    Any time i have, i cant do anything due to time or money restraints. My partner goes out for drinks with friends every now and then,and im finding myself very jealous of it.
    I just need a vent really. And maybe someone to tell me it will all be ok. Sometimes i feel it wont.
    My partner and i have never gone out a lot, but we used to go for a walk every week or so, and maybe catch a movie once every few months, and go to dinner on special occasions. We just haven't done anything, we even missed out anniversary dinner last December, and nothing for valentines. He spends all his time gardening, and i've hit depression where i don't want to leave the house to go for a walk because its too cold, and i dont want to be on my own.
    The only time i leave the house is to go to work or buy things for school.

    Im just sick and tired of being sick and tireed.

    I know in my heart it will be ok.

    Thank you for listening to my pathetic ramblings ladies.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,109
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    DH and I also both work full time and I have a 7yo in school and almost 2yo in daycare. I'm a teacher, so also have work to do at nights and weekends. I sympathise with your exhaustion and it getting you down. I'm busy procrastinating right now in my pigsty house with a mountain of marking to do!

    One thing that struck me in your post, you refer to financial stress and needing to pay your partner back money. Have you discussed combining finances? I'm assuming if you live together you are in a committed relationship.

    While I appreciate that he may be resentful of paying for 'your kids' - but you're a package, he can't have you without them. Plus, it sounds like having your kids full time makes you happy. Hopefully he is willing to support this (emotionally and financially) because he wants you to be happy.

    I may be reading too much into it, but it sounds like you're lacking in support from your partner and his support will help ease your stress. It's not about the money, more that the financial support is symbolic of his support overall.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    126
    Thanks
    109
    Thanked
    49
    Reviews
    0
    I too am a full time working mum with 6 kids BUT I have an amazing DH who helps with everything. He too works full time.

    You sound exhausted, frustrated, lonely and a tad bitter.

    Being a parent is exhausting!
    It's like being in ground hog day but as a zombie.
    It is the same thing every day over and over.
    You need to find the positives. You have your boys FINALLY. You need to learn how to be mum again. Who's your support? Hopefully it's more then DP.

    This situation would be frustrating. You sounded like you had the perfect solution to your life with the kids only being with you on the weekend. Now you have to be a full time mum which means we sacrifice a lot. We don't get to be selfish often, if at all.

    You sound so lonely. Lost even. You need to speak with a professional.

    You sound very bitter. Even resentful of needing to be the full time parent again. You mentioned money a few times, how you had to change jobs, how you don't get to go out and when you do, it's for school stuff.
    This is called being a parent. My excitement is when I get to go the shops and buy milk ALONE. I'll even buy a chocolate bar and scoff it before I get home so I don't have to buy everyone one.

    Please try and find the positives in having your boys back.
    You need to speak to your GP or neighbourhood centre on services that are available to you.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to TTC7 For This Useful Post:

    VicPark  (01-05-2015)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by TTC7 View Post
    You sound very bitter. Even resentful of needing to be the full time parent again. You mentioned money a few times, how you had to change jobs, how you don't get to go out and when you do, it's for school stuff.
    This is called being a parent.
    I do know the positives. I just needed to vent about the negatives with women who may be in a similar boat and would not throw nasty comments and judge me for being exhausted.
    And no, having my kids only on the weekend was not perfect, it was horrid. However my life was worked around that, my only issue is not having to change everything around without having time to organise. i am resentful toward my ex because he fought me about me having them and them just dumped them without even telling me. he dumped them on his parents.

    And no, i have no family in this country, so i am my own support,and always have been, no parents to help out as they are both passed.

    I have seen a professional, and have been battling depression, anxiety and grief issues for 10 years, and i am now healthy and happy again, just having an issue right now.

    I have been working fulltime and organising myself to actually be able to afford living in places my children could stay with me. you have no idea what i have done just to have my kids on the weekends. I am so happy to have them now.

    I am not bitter about being a full time mum.
    I just wanted some positives words.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    126
    Thanks
    109
    Thanked
    49
    Reviews
    0

    Default fulltime working mum, exhausted

    Quote Originally Posted by littleblue169 View Post
    I do know the positives. I just needed to vent about the negatives with women who may be in a similar boat and would not throw nasty comments and judge me for being exhausted.
    And no, having my kids only on the weekend was not perfect, it was horrid. However my life was worked around that, my only issue is not having to change everything around without having time to organise. i am resentful toward my ex because he fought me about me having them and them just dumped them without even telling me. he dumped them on his parents.

    And no, i have no family in this country, so i am my own support,and always have been, no parents to help out as they are both passed.

    I have seen a professional, and have been battling depression, anxiety and grief issues for 10 years, and i am now healthy and happy again, just having an issue right now.

    I have been working fulltime and organising myself to actually be able to afford living in places my children could stay with me. you have no idea what i have done just to have my kids on the weekends. I am so happy to have them now.

    I am not bitter about being a full time mum.
    I just wanted some positives words.
    Hey that's not judging.
    I was just going by what you wrote in your OP.
    We all make sacrifices, we're parents!!

    I get it! I do!

    You need REAL LIFE support.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    it sounds like having your kids full time makes you happy. Hopefully he is willing to support this (emotionally and financially) because he wants you to be happy.
    This is very right Stretched.
    When we first got them back i cried to my partner about the fact that my ex will be trying to take them back at some point, and he told me we would fight him in court if need be, for exactly these reasons.
    He is being supportive by looking after them if i need to work on weekends, and yes paying for some food. However the support i need is being told how well i'm doing, and maybe a bunch of flowers every now and then. Even just a picked flower.
    I don't know how to tell him.
    He knows ive battled depression, as he has helped me through it, and its just very hard when i go through these down times.

    Youre so right in the symbolic support. He recently had an issue where he dropped his pay (very substantially, nearly half) and this has caused him major stress,which is jusy being passed from one of us to the other and ping ponged between. Hopefully in his new role it will ease it some what.

    Glad im not the only one exhausted from full time work

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    126
    Thanks
    109
    Thanked
    49
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by littleblue169 View Post

    Glad im not the only one exhausted from full time work

    Full time work plus full time parent equals full time exhaustion.

    I'm still in bed😴😴

    If I wait long enough, someone's bound to bring me a coffee.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    i left the house for 20 minutes to grab a new toy for our dogs with DP.
    it felt like a holiday

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to littleblue169 For This Useful Post:

    TTC7  (26-04-2015)

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,109
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by littleblue169 View Post
    I don't know how to tell him.
    With men I find you either need to spell things out very clearly (they will not read into what you say, they take it at face value) or to put it to them as a problem that they can solve. Or both.

    So you may start with "I can feel my depression coming back and I think there might be some practical things we can do to help stop it, but I need your help coming up with ideas." This makes you the damsel in distress and he can be the hero - I know it sounds a bit manipulative, but I've found it works a lot better than me just shoving a list in front of a guy and saying "I need you to do this to make me happy". No one wants to be told what to do, do they?

    At the end of the conversation, hopefully he's come up with all the ideas you already have in your head. Then recap, very explicitly. "Thank you so much sweetie. I can see how you doing this, this and this will help my mental health so much.". That way it is clear to both of you exactly what he is going to do.

    With all the stress we've been through, DH and I are both getting better at being more clear and specific about what we need from each other for our happiness.

    Yes, in a perfect world we would all naturally want to bring our partners home flowers or cook their favourite meal. But working full time, parenting full time, financial stress and time constraints are NOT a perfect world. So both of us sometimes need a little nudge in the right direction.

  12. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:

    littleblue169  (26-04-2015),Serenity Love  (01-05-2015),SuperGranny  (01-05-2015)

  13. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1,221
    Thanks
    1,169
    Thanked
    668
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Your partner needs to step up IMO. Why do you 'owe' him money? Have you not been together very long? I don't know, it just seems odd to me to have to owe your partner money. It just doesn't sound very supportive and loving from his behalf. But please correct me if I am wrong there....

    I don't work full time and I already get exhausted enough. Can't imagine how hard it must be, but no doubt my turn will come once my kids start school.

    I hope you get this sorted. If I was in your exact situation id be leaning towards sussing out how serious my partner is and if they truly are wanting to take me and my children on. It sounds a bit like you're both living separate lives!


 

Similar Threads

  1. Exhausted from the smallest things.
    By bubbasmum in forum Third Trimester Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 09-11-2014, 21:52
  2. Little to no sleep.. absolutely exhausted.
    By Nomia in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-11-2014, 16:21
  3. Being exhausted & not connecting with my husband
    By poochella in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 24-06-2014, 20:06

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
The MAMA Centre
Pregnancy, birth & beyond care with your very own midwife. Home & hospital birth support, VBACs, antenatal & postnatal care by medicare eligible midwives & holistic health practitioners. Massage, chiro, naturopathy, yoga, counselling & beauty therapy
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!