OP, I guess my thing is that you and your little one are entitled to a safe place, one where things are mostly predictable and regular and if your partners responses are upsetting you on a regular basis than that's not ok. I hope that you can begin a dialogue with him - don't accuse him of anything, perhaps even a letter just using "I" statements eg "I feel scared and uncertain about the way you might react to things" - might start things off. The thing is, when you're in the midst of anxiety/depression/mental illness you can't see it, you become so used to it and your responses that it just becomes a vicious cycle. It's one that's hard to break and HE needs to want to break it. I guess you need to try and find a way to show him that this is hurting you and that it needs to change.