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  1. #1
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    Default Anger - normal reaction or overreaction?

    How do you know if someone has anger issues? As in what takes it from a normal emotion to something 'abnormal' or that signifies someone needs some help?

    My DH's anger has always concerned me. He has never threatened us physically and I don't believe he would ever harm us physically but geepers he flies off the handle at small things and while he takes it 'away' (i.e leaves the room and goes stomping up the hall or punches a pillow or stomps out of a shop for 5minutes) I am concerned for his welfare but also concerned at what he is teaching our daughter.

    However because he takes the anger 'away' does that mean he doesnt have anger management issues because he has learnt to 'control' his response or does the fact small things send him stomping off mean he does?
    Im confused about the whole thing...

    A few examples of recent 'issues' that to me were so minor but to him meant essentially a temper tantrum are:

    - Travelling for Easter and eating in a fast food restaurant. He orders his roll then as they are making it he sees they are clearly beginners/not really knowing what they are doing & should be putting on and so with no manager in sight he says ' dont worry about it, im not paying for that and then he storms out of the building, the carpark and disappears over the road leaving DD and I in the shop (we were ahead in line so our rolls were already made). He came and found us in a nearby park about 10mins later with some different food but no apologies for running out on us or to our daughter who wasnt able to play in 'their playground' etc.

    - Our popcorn machine broke when he went to use it. Turned it on and nothing happened. He started pulling at his hair, fidgeting and looking at it. I offered help and he then slammed the door up the hallway stomping/banging around for about 5minutes. DD asks 'whats all that noise coming from up there'.

    - When he is driving he gets roadrage in the form of being anxious, swearing, sticking his finger up etc.

    Obviously there are heaps more but these are just a few from the last 2 weeks where I've felt he behaves worse than our 3year old

    So I guess what Im trying to find out is does this show both normal levels of anger and normal reactions to anger? Seriously I am quite unemotional so to me it is bizarre and he needs 'help' but maybe Im the 'weird' one so bubhub help me - what is normal?

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    The examples you described dont sound like rational reactions. Sounds like he has an extremely short fuse and while he takes his anger 'away' most of the time it doesn't sound like he is in control at all.

    I dont think there is a 'normal' as such, everyone has different limits but in saying that, his reactions to rather insignificant problems sends alarm bells.

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    My dad was like that and now my brother is too, I can see my brother overreact with his two children and it drives me crazy. Small things make them fly off the handle and leaves you baffled why they react that way. Does your husband smoke?
    My brother is an over thinker, smoker and stress head so I'm sure it's all just too much for him and that's why he acts this way

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    I would definitely say he has anger issues and would benefit with help on ways to deal with it better.

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    Thanks for the replies. No he doesnt smoke or drink. However he does have untreated anxiety that essentially rules his life. Partly the reason Im asking this question is I'm thinking its time for a serious discussion about him getting some kind of help because I am seeing more and more how despite him being a great father & usually a great husband this is a huge roadblock in his life & has the potential to shape how DD herself responds to her emotions and what she feels is 'normal' behaviour

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    Default Anger - normal reaction or overreaction?

    Can I ask, does he hold it together for the big things? Like, if something really bad went down what kind of man is he? Can he keep his feelings in check and step up then feel his angry feelings later? Or does he make a bad situation worse?

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    With you saying he has untreated anxiety it's possible that could be a reason for his short fuse. Is it also possible that there might be something else there too? Maybe depression? And because he doesn't know how to deal with it he just gets angry?

    I know when my DH is in a lot of pain (he suffers from chronic pain) and feeling anxious about things he gets a bit of a short fuse.

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    It sounds very immature and not quite normal. I would feel incredibly stressed being around him wondering when the next explosion would be. Is your dd ok with it or does it scare her ?

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    Well @harvs we havent really had too many 'big' things happen so I dont know but I am going to say he wouldn't.
    Usually in times of high emotional stress he actually breaks down i.e crying and then gets angry later - e.g if we fight he does the crying 'im sorry, dont be mad' but then the next day he will be more defiant about whatever the issue is.
    @Chunkydunks I do believe anxiety plays a part in most of his 'problems'. The problem is I have always respected his decision to not get diagnosed, treated, medicated etc. as he always says 'he lost his dad to medication' (should add his dad is still alive but literally is like a shell of a person no personality or opinions or feelings - hard to explain)... I still feel its DHs choice but lately Ive been feeling like I cannot cope with him as he is... which leaves me feeling like some controlling bish

    BTW I dont mean the above to offend anyone being treated with anxiety etc. with my descriptions above I am just literally describing FILs situation.

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    It must be hard for him to accept help if that is what he has seen happen to his father.


 

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