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  1. #11
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    My grandfather has recently become unable to care for himself. My mother too cannot afford to not work and look after him so he will be moving in with me after he gets released from hospital till a nursing home spot becomes vacant.

    I will be hiring a nurse to visit on days I work but I will do the care on my home days. But my grandfather is an easy going man and totally not difficult to look after other than he soils his pants all the time. But no malice at all.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    My Grandmother has dementure ( and a life long attitude problem, but thats another thread ) and was admitted to hospital after a fall. My mother worked hard to make her home suitable for her to return to and have home care nurses come to her twice daily. My GM has been disobeying them and not taking her meds etc. This morning Mum has shown up to her place to find that Nan had dead bolted door (which prevents the nurses getting in). On top of that she has had a fall at some point and was on the ground. She had wet herself and had obviously been there a while.

    The ambulance was called and she has been taken to emergancy however the hospital has said they will release her if nothing is wrong with her.

    The issues are:

    My mother is one of 8, and she is the only one aiding in the care of GM. Mum has had to take time off work to care for her (which she simply cannot afford, shes risking losing her house already). If she is releaaed into Mums care she will basically need to be a full time carer as she wont be able to be left alone. Mum cannot not work and honestly she wont cope with the frustration of living with GM 24/7. I know she will lose the plot.

    I am of the belief that GM needs to go into a nursing home, but how does this work? Mum has been told it may take up to 3 months to get a place, and as mentioned above she cannot not work for 3 months.

    How do people cope in situations like this? I know its awful, but i keep thinking there are so many elderly with no family, so there has to be options regarding the care of elderly, especially those with difficult conditions? I am honestly worried about my mothers mental/financial health coping with this alone.

    It doesnt help that GM has never been a 'nice' granny, always sponged money from us and used to steal things from our home constantly. I think Mum holds alot of resentment towards her which then lowers her patience.

    I dont know what to do
    The other idea is to get the whole family to chip in for a nurse or in home care.

    When my grandmother was sick back in India - we were here so couldn't help on a daily basis so my dad and two of his sisters that live in Sydney funded the in home care of my grandmother. The other sister who lived near her and actually did more physical work didn't contribute as she donated enough of time.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    This might sound awful but do they have to agree? Surely if she keeps falling and not taking her medication she has proven not capable of living alone? She is so stubborn i already know she wont agree to anything
    I work in aged care and if they refuse their medications, they refuse as we cant force them to have them. We can encourage but not force.

    Dementia is hard work.

    Hope you are able to find the right care for her asap.

  4. #14
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    Hugs xx such a hard situation for your mum.

    Before my grandmother passed away, when she was ill we looked into care options. There were big wait lists for the nursing homes in our area, and for some reason it took ages to get the assessment done so she could go on the wait lists. My mum is 1 of 5 children, but she seemed to be doing the brunt of the work in regard to caring for my grandmother. My grandmother did not want to leave her home either which made it hard. Mum couldn't afford to take too much time off work either so it wasn't possible for her to become a full time carer. My sister ended up taking on the role of carer, though in the later stages it became too stressful for her. Eventually the rest of the family rallied, and they set up a bit of a roster for during the day of who could be there with her, and then most nights they ended up hiring a nurse to stay overnight (though this ended up being quite an expensive option) when family members couldn't do it. She eventually ended up in the hospital in a pallative care ward when it was just no longer feasible to care for her at home without a round the clock nurse.

    Are your mums siblings living in close proximity to your grandmother? Are they able to take on some of the care if you can't get her into a nursing home straight away? Or can they contribute to costs of hiring a nurse?

  5. #15
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    It must be awful for you and your mum seeing your grandma not being able to look after herself, and stressful not knowing how to get her the help she needs.

    It sounds as though she's entered the later stage of dementia where care is needed and that she may not be able to organise her thoughts and be able to make decisions about what is best for her health and where she should live. Unfortunately this is part of he progression of dementia and is so hard on the person and family.

    Stand firm with the hospital - insist that she doesn't go home until she's had a full assessment by social worker, occupational therapist and physiotherapist - they will be able to assess her ability to look after herself at home safely and help your family find a way forward. The hospital cannot discharge her if it is determined that it is not safe for her at home.

    Does she have someone appointed as a power of attorney who can make decisions on her behalf about her health? This might be needed if the decision is that nursing home is the only option for her, and she doesn't have the insight into the situation to agree to this.

    Wishing you all the best, hope you an get all the support that you and your grandma need x

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Polly6034 For This Useful Post:

    heplusme  (16-04-2015)

  7. #16
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    Unfortunately none of Mums siblings have anything to do with GM now that Mum has taken control of her finances-they only went there to take money from her.

    An example: Mums sibling said she would take on care of GM, and cleaned out her bank account in 2 days then drove GM back to Mums and dumped her there at 12am. To say that they are bad people is an understatement. They definitely wont contribute money to any kind of care.

    Mum has had her assessed and they said she could be at home with the carers coming twice a day, which obviously hasn't worked as she is locking them out, falling, hiding her aids etc.

    I am hoping this time the hospital keeps her in until we can organise a nursing home. We dont have the option of anyone moving in with her, i live interstate, and to be honest she is so hard to deal with i will openly admit that i lack the patience to care for her. She has never been an easy person to be around regardless of her condition...plus with a baby due in 3 months..its just not going to work

  8. #17
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    Good news, the hosp is keeping her in and she may have a place at a home by the end of next week. She is being reassessed tomorrow and its probable she will be classified as high care therefore wont be able to be sent home.

    I feel so relieved for Mum, the poor thing is so stressed. Thanks for the advice everyone

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to heplusme For This Useful Post:

    CMF  (16-04-2015),Polly6034  (16-04-2015)

  10. #18
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    While nursing home placement is rarely a nice outcome, at least now you and your mum will know that she is safe and cared for.


 

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