But you know what when I put myself next to my peers now I am more self-sufficient. I mean yeah I can be a bit of a hard a$$ but I had to become tough to deal with all the stuff life threw at me. Trust me this story is going somewhere. I got knocked down so much so many times I learnt to be stronger and more confident and I'm happy now.
You should not at all feel guilty in your position because there is nothing you have done to cause this. You just simply got the dud end of a deal that no one should have to experience. As hard as it is and as bad as you feel don't ever blame yourself because it's adversity that builds character. It builds empathy and it builds strength. If your kids went through life without ever knowing struggle they wouldn't have as much self sufficiency.
I know it's so annoying when people say there's a silver lining but your situation is in no way your fault and your kids know that. Inspite of it all you are still managing to raise them with open loving hearts. You are a great Mum and the fact you even think that shows it. As long as I've known you've always been a good mum you being sick doesn't change that.
One of my favourite saying is "Throw dirt on me and grow a wild flower."