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  1. #71
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    These are my reasons for feeling like i need a routine, and why i read SOS.

    - My DF works away. He will be going away for 6 months when the baby is one, and may be going away before that. I need to have some sort of routine so that i am able to cope with day to day life on my own with the baby without being overwhelmed.
    - I have had about as much experience with babies as i have had in size 8 jeans. So i think as VP said it will be handy in me knowing what to do and what baby might be needing.
    - I know my personality, and although attachment parenting works for some, i dont think i will cope with it.
    - Bub being able to self settle is important to me. If DF goes away to work and im working FT i cannot be rocking my baby to sleep for hours every night, otherwise i will turn into the devil (personality downfall, crankiest person alive on no sleep+work).

    As you all said, i need to decide whats right for us, but with no prior experience i am feeling like a deer in the headlights. I need some support as i am on my own with this whole Mummy bizzo. I really didn't want this to turn into a debate. I had no idea it was such a hot topic.

    Thanks to all those who had constructive advice for me

    I will def take you up on that offer @VicPark

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  3. #72
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    @heplusme I think you and I are very similar in terms of temperament.

    Full disclosure - things got so bad with DS in the first 18 months that I considered trying SOS except for two things: I knew beyond a doubt he would 'beat' me (doing it on my own), and I felt like I had missed the boat. I hadn't heard of SOS til DS was a couple of months old.

    I fully understand the desire to have a routine and security and to feel in control of your life, so please don't feel like I don't value that. It's been incredibly hard for me to go with DS's flow as much as I do (which isn't very much).

    I just want to say that it's great to prepare and to read and research. I think the biggest factors at the time will be your bubba's temperament and how you feel. Both of these are things you won't know until you get there. Believe me, I get how overwhelming that is.

    Just trust your gut and your heart and you will do what is right for you and your little one. It's ok to try something, then try something different (within reason). If you do decide to go down the SOS route, VP has endless time to support and answer questions so please take her up on her offer.

    Otherwise, lots of us have done the alone with a baby/toddler thing and will happily share strategies or ideas and listen to you vent.

    Don't lock yourself into doing one thing or the other until you know how you feel. Feeling like we've 'failed' is all too common a part of parenting in the early days and I think that can come from setting expectations of ourselves when we don't fully know the landscape.

    I also think everyone on this thread has tried to be constructive. You only need to look at some of the other SOS threads to see how well behaved everyone has been :-)

    Good luck with it all.

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  5. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    With the kettle thing, yes she did. It says if bub is fighting sleep and your stressed out, leave the room and boil the kettle so your frustration does not stir up the baby even more. Usually by the time the kettle is half boiled bub will be asleep. I think it was meant as more of a tool for keeping your sanity when you are getting stressed out more then ignoring the babys needs.
    But if your baby doesn't fall asleep because they're the type that gets more and more distressed so is harder to settle if upset than it's not really calming for anyone......

  6. #74
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    I know that generally SOS isn't used on a 2 week old. But I look at my son and see how he relies on me. I guess it's a philosophical thing where some of us are never going to agree. But parent centred parenting of under 2 or 3 just doesn't sit right with me. Maybe I'm naive but my 6 month olds never deliberately vomited or soiled themselves to manipulate me (I say 6 mo bc that's the age TH advocates SOS). I argue babies this age do so bc they are distressed.

    Children aren't a fashion accessory. You can't just turn them off and put their needs on the back burner. I'm not saying anyone is this thread feels that way, but reading the TH FB page, I just feel like we've become a society where kids are just someone we have that should never impact our lives but rather fit around us all the time.

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  8. #75
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    Default Save Our Sleep

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    But if your baby doesn't fall asleep because they're the type that gets more and more distressed so is harder to settle if upset than it's not really calming for anyone......
    True. But if walking away and making a cuppa stopped you from doing something stupid then that's a good thing...

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  10. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    These are my reasons for feeling like i need a routine, and why i read SOS.

    - My DF works away. He will be going away for 6 months when the baby is one, and may be going away before that. I need to have some sort of routine so that i am able to cope with day to day life on my own with the baby without being overwhelmed.
    - I have had about as much experience with babies as i have had in size 8 jeans. So i think as VP said it will be handy in me knowing what to do and what baby might be needing.
    - I know my personality, and although attachment parenting works for some, i dont think i will cope with it.
    - Bub being able to self settle is important to me. If DF goes away to work and im working FT i cannot be rocking my baby to sleep for hours every night, otherwise i will turn into the devil (personality downfall, crankiest person alive on no sleep+work).

    As you all said, i need to decide whats right for us, but with no prior experience i am feeling like a deer in the headlights. I need some support as i am on my own with this whole Mummy bizzo. I really didn't want this to turn into a debate. I had no idea it was such a hot topic.

    Thanks to all those who had constructive advice for me

    I will def take you up on that offer @VicPark
    My advice is to listen to your instincts. I remember when I had my first child I had no idea what I was doing. I had well meaning advice from midwives, family, friends. I found it overwhelming. Then I just blocked it all out and went with what felt right. I still do that with my 3rd child. I won't lie that being a parent is bloody hard. But a one size fits all book is fundamentally flawed imo given no baby is the same.

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  12. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    True. But if walking away and making a cuppa stopped you from doing something stupid then that's a good thing...
    This is where I do advocate this approach......

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  14. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Maybe your friend just had no idea?
    You've said that before. Can't you just be open to everyone interpreting her advice of 'protest crying' differently which leads to it being not great? I doubt my friend is the exception. Do you not remember the YouTube thread? I think I'm a pretty practical chick and often understand you but our interpretation of those cries was completely different. And we have babies the same age, so ones hormones can't be blamed! 😉

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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    Thats strange, she recommends never ignoring an emotional baby and just says to learn to recognize the cries so you dont pick them up when they are falling asleep but only 'protesting'. She says she does not agree with controlled crying at all as you arnt responding to the needs of the baby if they are really emotional. I wonder how many people actually read the book and how many just heard shes the devil and go with it. Lol
    Meeting emotional and psychological needs is more than responding to emotional cries at bedtime. All the research I've seen relating to baby sleep says that needs vary considerably, all the advice from medical sources and breastfeeding experts says to feed on demand. There is research out there to support a baby-led approach that follows cues rather than schedules. Google circle of security, while I know that most people who follow SOS do so because they feel it helps them to meet their child's needs, I personally see it differently and prefer not to look to schedules (as opposed to routines, which I definitely do use where possible).

    I will say that in my case, both my babies have had fairly clear cues, especially DS (you can read him like a book!), so that makes things easier.

    If SOS sounds good to you then don't go looking for other people's opinions on it. Have your bub, give it a crack, if it works that's great. If not, pop it back on the shelf and try something else. Every baby is different, every parent interprets and implements advice differently, so just see what works best for you.

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  18. #80
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    Heplusme, I totally get the wanting to be prepared, I do. But what I think many of us are trying to say, from experience, is that setting yourself into one technique from day dot could potentially lead to you feeling really, really **** about yourself which isn't good for you or baby because these routines do not always work for every baby. I'm a routine person and I live in a country away from any close friends or family with a husband that works very long hours. The best advice I can give is to be open to many styles and advice and take all of your favorite pieces until you have your personal mom-style. There are a lot of great parenting books out there, some by people who have actually researched and studied infant/child development extensively. I've found taking bits of a couple authors' routines combined with books like The Wonder Weeks and other great baby sleep websites really helpful in helping me establish the type of parent I want to be and I feel is best for DS.

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