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  1. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    If youve never had anything to do with babies and have no family or friends with children close by your options are limited. I dont know where to start with what works for me and my baby. Which is why i am seeking advice.
    I totally get this, DH and I were the same. I had never changed a nappy and only held a baby for a total of about 10 minutes. I had this vision of one of us reading the instructions on how to change a nappy whilst the other person was trying to do it, baby's legs in the air saying "what's the next step?".

    If you want a practical book I found Baby Love to be full of useful information rather than a book that endorses a particular parenting approach.

    Best tips for first time mothers:
    - If you're planning on breastfeeding get prepared as for many women it is overwhelmingly difficult. In saying that, once established boobs are great when you're breastfeeding your baby as it solves just about all issues - feed to sleep, feed to feed, feed to comfort, feed if they are sick. Presto, content baby! (Exceptions may apply.) Best advice I got for establishing breastfeeding was to feed them at every squeak. Feeding lying down and bedsharing saved my sanity and got some sleep.

    - Keep visitors at arms length and make their visits short.

    - You will most likely be terrified when you bring baby home but adrenalin will kick in. Sleep deprivation happens when the adrenalin wears off.

    - Have ready meals prepared in the freezer and stuff to watch on DVDs so the nights don't get too lonely.

    - Ask any and all questions on here, don't worry if you think they are stupid. We've all been there. If anyone gets narky at you they are a twit and someone will point that out to them.



    -

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  3. #132
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    Default Save Our Sleep

    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post

    I was simply trying to point out the lengths people will go to prove their point that SOS and it's followers are evil. It's never - it's not for me, I don't like crying and I'm a bit worried about the bedding guides over heating babies, there's always other digs happening.

    Again I have the book, I've read it, but I've never used it, but I feel bad for people who do/have used it to read all the low blows.

    Sorry OP, perhaps this can be moved elsewhere so you can get some help using SOS, please disregard our arguing.
    Sos our sleep and tizzie hall will always attract some negative attention and not for some kind of hate trail, but for actual reasons. Some (not all) of the methods suggested in either old or new versions actually make a lot of people feel distressed.

    I think people on this thread are not trying to make out that sos followers are evil but to give the op another perspective on maybe why it didn't work out for them or why it wasn't helpful.

    OP this book and its methods will usually attract a variety of viewpoints, so in the end after you can consider any advice you want to, or any that is helpful to you and do what feels right for your baby when they arrive.
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 07-04-2015 at 19:30.

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  5. #133
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    Default Save Our Sleep

    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    With respect @hollyGollighty, i dont think it matters what section i posted this in. Someone would have been in to debate on it. For the record, it isnt in the "debate it" section either.

    Im asking for help! No wonder people are afraid to ask questions about parenting. What was a genuine question seeking advice has turned into a platform for others to argue with eachother.

    If you are getting emotional about it, please step out! I am more confused then i was before reading all of these debate comments.
    I think this is a bit unkind hun.

    If you remember I flagged way back at the start of this thread that it's an emotive topic. You have just asked for all opinions so people are giving them.

    Holly was sensing that perhaps you actually really only want to hear from people who are pro/have used SOS successfully, and this is why she suggested the other section. It sends a clear signal about who you want to hear from and what kind of conversation you want to have. I don't think people would debate it in a different section, and if they do it's often because they haven't seen which section it is in and will most probably excuse themselves. She also offered lots of candid and personal advice.

    I'm sorry that you aren't getting the kind of responses you were anticipating - however I do think part of that is because the book can clearly be interpreted in a variety of ways, and there are different editions which adds to the confusion.

    To me, it's highly relevant to mention details such as that it is not endorsed by SIDS and kids (or the organisation in the link provided by Delirium) and for those with a different understanding to respond to this. Lots of people read these threads and it is information for others as well - this is why people ask for links, or clarifications etc., not to be intentionally confusing.

    Everyone in this thread has been trying to share knowledge and opinions, which is what you asked for :-)
    Last edited by harvs; 07-04-2015 at 19:37.

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  7. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    I think this is a bit unkind hun.

    If you remember I flagged way back at the start of this thread that it's an emotive topic. You have just asked for all opinions so people are giving them.

    Holly was sensing that perhaps you actually really only want to hear from people who are pro/have used SOS successfully, and this is why she suggested the other section. It sends a clear signal about who you want to hear from and what kind of conversation you want to have. I don't think people would debate it in a different section, and if they do it's often because they haven't seen which section it is in and will most probably excuse themselves. She also offered lots of candid and personal advice.

    I'm sorry that you aren't getting the kind of responses you were anticipating - however I do think part of that is because the book can clearly be interpreted in a variety of ways, and there are different editions which adds to the confusion.

    To me, it's highly relevant to mention details such as that it is not endorsed by SIDS and kids (or the organisation in the link provided by Delirium) and for those with a different understanding to respond to this. Lots of people read these threads and it is information for others as well - this is why people ask for links, or clarifications etc., not to be intentionally confusing.

    Everyone in this thread has been trying to share knowledge and opinions, which is what you asked for :-)
    Only the first part of my post was directed at Holly, which is why i didnt quote her post. The rest was aimed at the general thread.

    I clearly stated i have no experience. I obviously read the new edition given my confusion. I did not read anywhere anything about leaving your baby in poo, and alot of the other issues people started arguing about which is why i was confused/frustrated. It truely made me wonder how many people dismiss SOS without reading it, given i finished it yesterday and it was fresh in my mind (had no idea about old editions, previous threads or uproars etc). This is why i questioned things. I was genuinely asking.

    25 years ago my Mum put a hot water bottle in my cot. 40 years ago my MIL raised my BIL on carnation milk. Things change and pages and pages of arguing over who said what in the past doesnt help.

    I wanted advice on sleeping and settling solutions, which is exactly where i posted it.

    So now im going to be a hopeless Mum and unkind too. I seriously feel like i cannot win.

  8. #135
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    Default Save Our Sleep

    Ok. I interpreted it that the last part was too. My bad. Also I didn't say *you* were unkind, just that I thought it was unkind to ask her to leave when she'd given a lot of energy to try and help you, so I'm sorry if it came across that way.

    I can tell you're feeling overwhelmed and also that you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself/feeling a lot of pressure as you'll be on your own so much, so I can understand that contradictory information would be doing your head in.

    Speaking for myself, everything I've written on here has been from the point of view that information/knowledge is power. I also feel very strongly that everyone posting here is trying to be supportive and I wasn't sure that was coming across to you, which is why I laboured that pojnt. We are all on your side and many of us have been where you are now.

    There is no way you'll be a hopeless mum. That's clear. Anyway, I'll step away from this thread now because I'm honestly not trying to upset you and I seem to be succeeding at doing so despite my best efforts!

    Everything I said earlier was genuine - listen to your gut and your heart and you can't go wrong. Trust your instincts x

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  10. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by Busy-Bee View Post
    I totally get this, DH and I were the same. I had never changed a nappy and only held a baby for a total of about 10 minutes. I had this vision of one of us reading the instructions on how to change a nappy whilst the other person was trying to do it, baby's legs in the air saying "what's the next step?".

    If you want a practical book I found Baby Love to be full of useful information rather than a book that endorses a particular parenting approach.

    Best tips for first time mothers:
    - If you're planning on breastfeeding get prepared as for many women it is overwhelmingly difficult. In saying that, once established boobs are great when you're breastfeeding your baby as it solves just about all issues - feed to sleep, feed to feed, feed to comfort, feed if they are sick. Presto, content baby! (Exceptions may apply.) Best advice I got for establishing breastfeeding was to feed them at every squeak. Feeding lying down and bedsharing saved my sanity and got some sleep.

    - Keep visitors at arms length and make their visits short.

    - You will most likely be terrified when you bring baby home but adrenalin will kick in. Sleep deprivation happens when the adrenalin wears off.

    - Have ready meals prepared in the freezer and stuff to watch on DVDs so the nights don't get too lonely.

    - Ask any and all questions on here, don't worry if you think they are stupid. We've all been there. If anyone gets narky at you they are a twit and someone will point that out to them.



    -
    Thank you, i actually was given a copy of Baby Love, i might start it tonight

  11. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    Thank you, i actually was given a copy of Baby Love, i might start it tonight
    Baby Love is great! I'd forgotten about it, argh I'll need it again in 3 months *waddles off to find baby love*

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    I just want to add that before I had my first baby I thought I would follow sos easily. Turns out the reality was different for me and what I found useful was the book Baby Love which has already been mentioned.
    Also, it really depends on the type of person you are as to what will work for you with your baby and noone in a forum is going to be able to answer that for you. Just keep asking questions and you will find answers that are helpful for you (among others that may not be)

  14. #139
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    I was in a similar position to you OP before my baby came. No experience with kids, no family nearby, no friends with children.

    Didn't read a book apart. Got to mothers group and I hear the words 'routine' being floated about. Cue anxious panic from me thinking I had broken my 6 week old because she wasn't in a routine and self settling yet. Bought all the books and then tried to implement some of the routines. And promptly failed because my DD hadn't. And I couldn't listen to her cry, stay at home for all naps watching the clock. I started going down that route and I ended up anxious about her napping/sleeping which of course she picked up on. With my second, I am much more go with the flow and while his sleeping isn't much better, I feel much more positive about parenting.

    So I get where you are starting at. And I just wanted to second/third the advice here was to follow your instincts and what works for you and your bub. If that's a strict routine like SOS, that's great. If it's a more child led approach, that is fine too.

    You are going to do a great job - good luck.

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    @heplusme I just want to chime in quickly after seeing your post that you're confused more than ever. My 3rd baby is 7 months old so I feel like the newborn/early baby stage is fresh in my mind. I found the 'wonder weeks' app really helpful. I did not know about it for my other 2 kids.

    I guess it comes from the perspective of your baby having sunny or stormy periods based on developmental leaps. It helps explain why some days your baby is content and other days when things go to sh*t. It has nothing to do with routines but a great info source.

    I know you asked about Tizzie specifically and I did look at her method before my first baby came along, but it wasn't for me. Don't stress if you don't have a routine in mind when bubs arrives - it will fall in to place


 

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