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  1. #91
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    Default Save Our Sleep

    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I actually don't think we are that different TBH. I always stick up for SOS as I think it has it's merits. I have the book and I've read it. I want to try and use it, however I have not used it for either of my kids as they've both got / had silent reflux, CMPI and feeding issues so it won't work for us.

    I do stick up for it because there are parents who are comfortable with it, who do use it and it does work and I'm sick to death of those who do not personally feel comfortable with it bagging it out and bagging out those parent who use it (not talking about you harvs you're more respectful of different parenting styles than that).

    There's this implication that parents who use the methods are selfish, cruel, heartless, shouldn't have had kids if they want the kids to just fit in their lives, treating their kids like dogs, expecting them to be robots etc. That is what peeves me off the most so I'm in here sticking up for the methods in the book and the parents who choose to use it.

    I personally don't like to hear my kids cry either. Mine never have a protest cry. They are either happy or they're crying an emotional cry, that combined with their feeding and medical issues means I can't use her methods.

    Someone also said that those who use her methods have said that sleep training and sleep training alone makes good sleepers and there aren't babies who are born good sleepers. I disagree, I've never heard that before. Just that in many cases if you don't have a baby who is born a good sleeper, then it can take a lot of hard work to get them to be good sleepers and there's nothing wrong with that.

    I also never see no cry sleep solutions threads going this horribly wrong. I'm pretty sure if someone asked for help with Elizabeth Pantleys no cry sleep solution using her book and an SOS user or a Controlled Crying user (yes they're different) saying I can't believe anyone would use her book, it would just take far too long to get your baby sleeping, stop being so soft and just leave your baby to cry for xyz long, get a life surely you have better things to do with your time than feed and rock your baby to sleep etc etc (I don't believe these things just giving examples) they would get slaughtered, but saying the above things to SOS or controlled crying users has always been okay and that I don't agree with either! So here I am sticking up for SOS. Not because I use it but because those who do are just as good a parents, just as caring, just as nurturing, just as loving as the parents who don't.

    So lastly I respect that people can't let their babies cry at all and therefore can't / don't want to use SOS that's fine. It's also fine that some parents can. Can't everyone just stop and appreciate that? According to SOS threads - no!
    The SOS threads are more prevalent than other sleep technique threads and from what I gather many more people have read the books or tried her methods so that's most likely why these threads go haywire, a wider audience and broader range of opinions.

    There was a thread a few months ago with a few of us accepting and supporting that our babies were shizz sleepers, meant to be light-hearted, and an 'SOSer' (I won't point fingers 😉) did pop in and say that they felt the attitude of the thread was dangerous. That we would cause sleep deprived women not to seek help for their horrible sleepers and then get PND. 😳
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-04-2015 at 22:28.

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  3. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Heplusme, I totally get the wanting to be prepared, I do. But what I think many of us are trying to say, from experience, is that setting yourself into one technique from day dot could potentially lead to you feeling really, really **** about yourself which isn't good for you or baby because these routines do not always work for every baby. I'm a routine person and I live in a country away from any close friends or family with a husband that works very long hours. The best advice I can give is to be open to many styles and advice and take all of your favorite pieces until you have your personal mom-style. There are a lot of great parenting books out there, some by people who have actually researched and studied infant/child development extensively. I've found taking bits of a couple authors' routines combined with books like The Wonder Weeks and other great baby sleep websites really helpful in helping me establish the type of parent I want to be and I feel is best for DS.
    Totally agree.

    New parents are inundated with 'advice', 99% of it is useless, unpractical, dangerous, wrong or just not inline with how you want to parent. The best advice I ever got when I had my first baby was to just get to know your baby. You will know your baby like you have never known a person before and then you will be able to best respond to their needs. Remember, they have been cuddled for 9 months in your warm womb, fed on demand and rocked to sleep as you move around. That's what they know, that is what they are expecting. If you want to rock, sush or pat your baby to sleep then do so, if you want to feed your baby to sleep (remembering breastmilk contains properties that help babies sleep) then do so or anything else that helps you to meet your baby's needs.

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  5. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    It's hard as a first time mum too because you really have no idea and are trying to find your way. I had a lot of people tell me not to encourage "bad habits" like feeding my baby to sleep, or singing, rocking or cuddling him to sleep. Took a long time for me to realise I don't actually view these as bad habits. So it's good to go with your own instincts.
    I totally agree. There's no such thing as good and bad habits, just things you are or aren't willing to do.

    I find it strange that dummies are a no-no with SOS but a cloth comfort toy is ok. Personally I'd much prefer an easily replaceable dummy to a specific toy that bub has become attached to - what happens if it's lost?? I would also expect kids to hold on to a comfort toy longer than they'd hold on to a dummy, wouldn't reliance on such a thing be considered a bad sleep association in SOS?

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  7. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearlygirl View Post
    My honest opinion: Mum's these days read too many books. Follow your own instincts. Your gut and your baby will tell you what to do.
    Excellent. I've read exactly nothing and the baby is due in five weeks.

    I'm sure I'll be fine 😳

    Right?

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    Absolutely you will be fine!!

    I read exactly nothing on parenting before DS was due (only read birth books). I think it was great personally as I was not clouded by other people's expectations on what I or bub should or shouldn't be doing.

    I read Pinky McKay when DS was about 4/5 months because other people were shaking my confidence a bit (well-intentioned but it was unwanted/unneeded advice). I loved it as it reinforced that I was doing a good job with my son and other people could go to hell

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  11. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    I totally agree. There's no such thing as good and bad habits, just things you are or aren't willing to do.

    I find it strange that dummies are a no-no with SOS but a cloth comfort toy is ok. Personally I'd much prefer an easily replaceable dummy to a specific toy that bub has become attached to - what happens if it's lost?? I would also expect kids to hold on to a comfort toy longer than they'd hold on to a dummy, wouldn't reliance on such a thing be considered a bad sleep association in SOS?
    Younger babies don't have the hand eye coordination to pick up a dropped dummy and put it back in their mouths properly, but many once un-swaddled can easily reach out for a piece if fabric with an animal head on it. So the dummy need a parent to assist the baby by putting the dummy back in but the parent is generally not needed to give the comforter to the baby.

    Plus you can make a comforter smell like a parent to also give comfort whereas you can't make a dummy smell like a parent.

  12. #97
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    Default Save Our Sleep

    @heplusme I think it's great that you are doing reading if it helps you feel prepared. However I just want to second pp's advice not to try to pigeonhole yourself before bubba arrives. I was sure I was a scheduling, no comfort feeding type of girl and then dd came and that approach suddenly, instinctively felt very wrong for us. I think it's fabulous to have a plan but be prepared to throw the plan away if it turns out not to be the right one for you and your bub after all.
    Last edited by BettyV; 07-04-2015 at 00:50.

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  14. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    So i just finished reading Save our Sleep by Tizzie Hall. I thought it was very informative.

    I have seen people commenting here before saying they dont agree with Tizzie Hall or SOS so im wondering what the issues are people with experience have with it? I thought it seemed quite reasonable (no prolonged crying etc) but i have no experience. Want to know both sides before i go with it.

    Did you find the routines worked for your bubs and you?

    Thanks everyone
    I looked into SOS when my first bub was 2mo. I was searching for a solution for my cat naper. Couldn't get more than 40min sleeps at out him during the day which was annoying as I felt I had no time to myself.

    So read the book and tried to implement the routine.

    It made everything worse. Stressed me out because bub wouldn't follow what was described in the book. The troubleshooting section wasn't any help either.

    I ditched it after a week. Bub was still a catnaper and I was a very stressed mum by then, feeling like a failure.

    Went back to my more laid back follow your baby cues mummy style. After a few weeks bub grew out of his catnapping and started to consolidate his naps on his own.

    I'm pregnant with #2 and won't even consider such a strict routine. IME it was a waste of time and energy.

    I know some bubs strive on it but I believe it's pure luck (ie the book happens to describe the routine this bub would have established on his own anyway).

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  16. #99
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    @heplusme after reading your added comments Id thought I add this :

    While I never followed SOS except for that one week, my baby was sleeping through from 4mo. That's from 7pm to 7am.

    Following my own unique baby clues took me there without much drama. He learned to self settle and I followed what I believe are common sense "rules" (for instance no sleep associations).
    I read somewhere that bubs brain can not physically learn or get into a routine before 3mo so I wouldn't stress too much about bad habits in the first couple of months. Just do what works.

    Also when your partner leaves for 6months, your baby will be 1yo and trust me, 1yo is a great age! Not a baby anymore, more so a toddler, and a lot easier to care for.
    My DH left for a month after DS turned 1 and it was a great month. I was working FT and still had plenty of me time over the wkd with DS having two naps each day.

  17. #100
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    Disclaimer: I haven't read SOS
    But I wanted to respond to the OP original post. I think it's great you're trying to equip yourself with information for when bub arrives. I'm a organised person who needs sleep :-) and read a lot of info when pregnant. I decided I was going to be an "instinctive" mum who would read her babies cues and respond in the best way for the first 3 months and then I would introduce a routine.
    Then I had my baby.
    I had huge issues bf; no/low supply, poor/no attachment and was in hospital (a public one) for 6 days instead of 1 getting this sorted. The midwives all commented on how "loud and healthy" my bubs cry was.
    Once home; my baby screamed. And screamed. And I had no idea if she was hungry or tired or cold or sick. Her screams all sounded the same to me. And I felt like a failure of a mother who not only couldn't supply enough milk for her but also couldn't read or understand her cries.
    The first 8 weeks were pure hell. She cried I cried and I had to a couple of times put her in her bassinet and walk away cause I was at breaking point and she was screaming whether I held her or not. I could still not tell what she wanted (tried feeding when she was tired and putting her down when she was hungry it all sounded the same: very loud and very angry).
    After those weeks things got easier. I got my supply up using a sns so was able to bf, she got easier to settle after going to a day sleep school and she started to get a little personality and I could slowly tell when she was tired vs hungry vs something else. I do follow a routine now of awake times (ie x hours awake between naps at y age) and a ritual before night sleep of bath feed story but if she's tired before then now I know :-) and put her down.

    I guess to try to cut this short what I'm trying to say is; whatever method you use; don't blame yourself if it doesn't work the way you imagined it. Give yourself 8-12 weeks to get used to each other (call it the 4th trimester/quarter) and then think about which method is best for you.

    And whatever that method is will be the best for your baby. Cause it's your baby!

    And for a smile watch the ad video of the different mother "camps" arguing.. there will always be people trying to help who vehemently disagree on the best way so you can only listen and make up your own mind.

    Good luck! You're going to be a great mum!

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