I've been keeping busy, popping handfuls of supplements, exercising early, sauna, packs on my belly, drinking juices and green smoothies full of superfoods etc etc. Weird thing is I reckon I had EWCM on Day 5 of my cycle - WTF? Anyway, not really charting again this month, but DH and I DTD nearly every day, so I figure if the stars and moon line up the right way, we'll be in with a shot. We even had an "afternoon delight" on the weekend. He came home from work at midday and had to rush out to his surf-life saving patrol, and I was perving on him as he was getting changed (my DH is HOT) and he caught me looking at him and decided to jump me, lol - love that man!
@Bongley, that will be really interesting to meet people who have gone through the DE process and I'm sure it will give you a really good feel for it. I had to laugh about getting drunk and dropping C-bombs - I friggin love that word. In context of course and only in the right setting with the right people, but it can really have impact. I think I'm a bit like BIB, total hypocrite if I hear anyone else say it, and my DH hates that word with a passion, but I quite love it :-) Good on you hon for picking yourself up and looking at the next option to have that bub.
Did you give much thought to the anonymous versus known donor? I know in SA they do anonymous donor's and I'm not sure I want that. I read some articles from children conceived from anon donors and they really felt lost in that they would never know where they came from. I know personally I would feel that I would want that knowledge someday, so I'm thinking of potentially a known donor - although not to the extent of sharing info, but just knowing who they are if the child ever wants to trace their biological mother, I think is important to me. Then again I had a boyfriend who was adopted and had no desire whatsoever to find his bio-mum. So maybe it's the way the child is raised?
We talked a little about DE again on the weekend and I did mention the possibility of Thailand and having a Thai egg donated - which I think is not anonymous which could suit us. And so quickly my DH just said "As long as the baby is mine" and I thought "FFS, why are you so concerned about the child being yours when it's not going to be mine - rub my face in it why don't you?". I think we could need some counseling together to get DH to understand what a ****ing big deal it is to do DE when you don't have your own child at all. So much loss and grief to deal with that I know he doesn't understand because he has two of his own children...
@Skyler, I'm so sorry that you are so down and have hit the bottom when it comes to this journey, it's so devastating. Especially if DE isn't an option for your both, then it really does close some doors. Is there really no hope left? At 42 I would think that there is still some hope left, but obviously you've done everything possible at this point, so I don't know what the next step would be anyway... Sending you love and hugs - it is so difficult.
@MaxKat - three months! Wow that does seem like a long time, but it could be really good for your body. Can you see a naturopath before you go and get on some really good tonics to cleanse and nourish your body and prepare it for a bub? I like to think of it as building a really healthy home for your little bub to live in for nine months. There are uterine tonics and herbs that balance hormones and strengthen the uterus, so I'd use that time to prepare your 'womb home' so it's ready to go :-)
Love to everyone!
@leiseylou maybe have a chat to Lozby from bubhub as she did DE in Thailand and apparently its not as easy as it used to be since that awful surrogacy case last year. Lozby was caught right in the middle if all the legal changes.
@Leisylou Yeah, I really want to try to find a known donor, I read that article recently too. The counselor told my partner and I that it would be easier for the child in the long run (which I didn't really want to hear). It makes it very tricky as we do want someone at a distance too. However if we can't find a known donor then we will try anonymous overseas. She said donor kids generally don't have the same issues of rejection that adopted kids tend to go through and they would obviously rather exist (but not know their genetic mother) than not to have been conceived at all....
As far as I know egg donation in Australia legally has to be known and altruistic. However anon/known sperm donation varies state by state for some strange reason.
I am interested that you found a clinic in thailand that does known donations..........
Hi ladies, I have been reading the daily updates, but getting my head around things so I haven't posted.
@Skyler I'm so sorry you and dh have been feeling down. Def take advantage of any counseling offered by your clinic. I think it's only natural to be feeling low though. 💐
@Bongley I hope you have fun at the catch up. It'd be interesting to see what they have to say. I stumbled onto a webpage where ex donors and children who were created from donor eggs/Sperm talk about how they feel about it. I have to admit it's pretty full on negative, so has me second guessing myself. I just keep saying that we will talk to our child about it do they understand and it won't come as a shock later in life. I think that's the key to them accepting it.
I have to admit I was completely ok with it, till I read a comment about my child having half brother and sisters out there and that I will be carrying my husbands child that he is having with another woman. That made me take a step back! I had always thought of it as being part of me as I had grown it/gave birth. But that comment made me feel like I wouldn't be a part of the child at all😔
@tuxcat when do you find out about NK results? The only thing I will say is if you are taking prednisolone you need to take extra calcium, magnesium and mega folate (5mg ones you get from chemist).
@leshoja I really hope you don't need overseas donor and this is it for you! AFM I'm not fussed with anon or known donor, but I wouldn't want the donor to be a friend or want close contact as I wd always be looking at them and their relationship. We are looking at donors in the us which are generally anon, but can tick a box for contact later on. We have been advised that most don't tick it. We have their first name, pics (some baby, mostly teen/adult) and basic medical history from both donor parents side going back to donor grandparent. I wd hope that when the time comes that is enough for my child. There are details there about what they like to do, books they like/music/movies etc and a comment to intended parents. There is quite a bit of info, without full contact.
So we have decided to go with the more expensive donor agency in the us. Essentially it came down to a cpl of things, the ease for us-my FS will send all our files over to the U.S. Clinic, they will do all the monitoring and provide all the drugs I need (this clinic has you do scans etc here before you leave to make sure your lining is on track). They have a high number of embies achieved per cycle and average 4-10 blastocysts per stim. Much higher than it appears to be in sa. Dh said it was worth paying more to have a better chance of success (fet are much cheaper than stim) and we wd have a much better chance of having a sibling from the same donor, which we thought wd be easier for the children later in life to know they had genetics in common apart from dh. We are looking at going in July. We wd have to pay before then so can claim the exorbitant fees on my tax!
Sorry for the long post!
@Chiefsgirl thanks for the update.
It sounds like you're putting a lot of thought into the donor situation and I appreciate you sharing as I may need to walk that path very soon and it is great to know what others have done and what they have found out along the way.
I'm afraid I'm one of those irrational people who have some major blocks on the DE thing because of exactly what you found on a thread - that the baby would be my DH's with another woman and it almost feels like that is the most intimate thing in the world that could happen, creating a life with someone, and it's not me. Almost like he's had an affair and betrayed me. So carrying my DH's child with another woman just reminds me of my step-children and the fact that he's been through the whole pregnancy and birth thing with other women, and that it's just the same thing, only I'm the one carrying my step-child this time... I know it's not logical, but my emotional brain can't quite get over that yet. So I'm prepared to do counseling and whatever it takes to eradicate those thoughts from my mind because I know they're not healthy, but they are definitely there :-(
Then I found this on the SA website which I thought was great and helped a lot:
World Epigenetics studies are now focusing on how donor conceived babies DNA may actually be expressed based on the woman who carries that baby. The study of Epigenetics reveals that our lives are more than the sum of our inherited genes. During growth in the womb and after birth differences begin to reveal themselves due to specific genes being active in some people and non-active I others. There are a number of reasons for certain genes to be active and others not including the way the hosts body functions, lifestyle and how we think and feel – our emotions and reactions. The world of babies conceived via egg donation it’s the woman carrying the baby at the conception of life that starts the process of which genes are active and non-active. The birth mother helps shape the baby she carries from the moment that embryo is implanted in her uterus.
Research determines that the female egg accounts for 25% of the final outcome of a child
Keep us updated as to how you go with the US donor situation.
Last edited by Summer; 14-04-2015 at 10:10.
@Leisylou you summed up exactly how I've been feeling since I saw that comment! I just keep telling myself that after I have carried the baby and given birth I won't think like that! Thanks for the info on epigenetics, I have read similar but I love that chart!
@Leisylou yes the epigenetics stuff is fascinating isn't it!
@Chiefsgirl so sorry you found those negative comments everything that I have read (and from kids who have issues with an anon donor mother/father) have usually had very protective and understanding feelings towards their parents and that it isn't a matter of finding their 'real' mother or father but just understanding where they came from. And yes, it seems to be the kids who weren't told straight off the bat that have the worst issues. I really think that being pregnant and then giving birth to a child would completely overwhelm those feeling of the child not being anything to do with you but I understand what you mean. When my friend first offered her eggs to me I think I said "so I'll be giving birth to my best mate's and my boyfriend's love child?!?" plus she has two kids and I just didn't know how I should handle the fact that they would be half siblings. Thus the need to have a donor at a bit of a distance.
I have a half brother and sister and they don't feel like my 'half' brother and sister, they are just my brother and sister because we grew up together, so that has helped me accept the donor stuff I think. Also, I don't feel like half my mum and half my dad, we're all just a big mix of genes. My son honestly could be from some other couple (he is IVF so perhaps he was) he doesn't look like either of us that much. You really don't know what is going to pop out.
There are quite a few cases of mental illness (including schizophrenia) on my mum's side so in some ways I do wonder sometimes if it isn't for the best. Thats one of my few requirements in a donor is good physical and also mental health.
I think it's likely just that loss and grief all mixed up with the emotions of going the DE path, rather than the DE thing just in itself. I believe that if I can separate the grief from the moving forward to have a real, live little baby, then that is the thing that will allow those negative thoughts to dissipate. I'm sure they will go, it's just finding a way of framing it all that is empowering rather than hurtful. Having the grief and loss is fine and needs to be dealt with, but letting it overtake all the millions of positives of having a DE baby is not healthy (talking about myself here!). I'm very aware of the issues, so now it's just dealing with it in a healthy way to allow myself to enjoy the journey to a child without having those irrational thought jump in and ruin it for me :-)
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