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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2015

    Default 3yo wont sleep without mum

    Our 3yo had been sleeping perfectly until about 3months ago. Before we would brush teeth after some milk, read a few stories and say goodnight.. close door and done... didnt see him till 7am.

    All of a sudden now he cries and screams if I leave the room.. there is no mention of monsters or nightmares or being scared... just wants Mum. His baby brother arrived last year and he sleeps in our room so Im sure this is a jealousy thing which has turned into him believing he needs Mum next to him to sleep...

    I cant lock the door or leave him as we live in a unit and he wakes the kids next door apart from screams like we are hurting him hes so loud and high pitched and works himself into a state very quickly sweating and panicing.. so I cant do that...

    At first I was sitting with him till he slept (can take 1 hour to 2 hours) then come back to husband and the baby wakes so get him back to sleep... I have about 1 to 3 hours before the 3yo wakes and then Id go back to his bed and then between him and baby back and forth each hour all night... which left me exhausted.. so instead now after first time he wakes around midnight I take the baby and we all get into bed together in 3yo room... 3yo sleeps perfect and baby is ok and goes back to sleep fairly reasonably most of the time... however this means they are both becoming dependant on me to sleep at night and I get no me time whatsoever... let alone any time without kids with husband.

    Husband helping not an option... he is very "kids are the womans job" and he goes to work and i dont (the view SAHM do nothing and have it easy.. thats another post entirely) .. ive been to sleep school and as this involves some tough times before it resolves he isnt supportive and gets angry and yells and it does no good to anyone then so pretty much need some advice that excludes husbands intervention or much disruption.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Urgh I can relate. I have a 3yo and a 1yo. Things I've tried is watching a movie in bed before sleep on a portable DVD player, playing iPad before bed. Not great options but they let me get things done. To actually get her to sleep I play lullabies over the monitor or on the iPad. I talk to her over monitor. I've sat outside the room and let her know I was there till she fell asleep. When she wakes during the night I let her have a milk.

    So no really helpful advice but you're not alone!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Co sleeping!!!!

    I've been thru that with both kids at different stages.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    Default 3yo wont sleep without mum

    First of all if you are happy co-sleeping then go for it. My only suggestion would be for your hubby to take your DS's single bed and you, your DS and bub take the big bed. (How absurd for you and bub to cram into your DS's bed while hubby has a perfect sleep in his Taj Mahal).

    If, like me, you shiver with terror at the thought of your child being dependent on you to sleep to the point you are out of action for an hour or two at bedtime, then waking through the night... Then you need to do something about it. Your DS has formed a habit because you have let him. If you are not a fan of the cold turkey approach then try a slowly weaning off approach. Shush/pat your toddler at bedtime, being careful to stop before your toddler actually falls asleep. Stop patting first. Slowly move away towards the door. Then a minute or two stop shushing. If your tot gets worked up then go back to the previous step. You might have to go back and forth a few times but you will get there. The trick is to always stop before your tot falls asleep. And aim to stop a little earlier each night. Or you could try the supernanny technique where you stay in the room but move further and further away from the bed.

    Look at day naps (length, wake up time) day sleep can really affect night settling at that age.

    If you are really getting worked up with the lack of sleep and ME time then you need to tell your husband what he needs to do to help you. Don't ask. Tell him specifically what you need him to do - put he toddler to bed, handle any wakings before midnight, giving you a sleep in on Sunday. Cook dinner every Friday night. The best way he can be a good dad at the moment is to ensure the mother of his babies is healthy and happy. What a load of rot that he wont help with the kids because it's women's work. This is the 21st century and this is Australia - you have every right to expect more from him. What a poor lesson he is teaching your impressionable kids.

    Good luck
    Last edited by VicPark; 03-04-2015 at 19:40.


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