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  1. #1
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    Default Partner working long hours & doesnt see baby during the week?

    Do any of your partners work such long hours that they dont see your kid/s at all during the week?

    Dh is currently looking for a new job after being made redundant, so he cant be too picky, just needs to take what he can get.

    One of the jobs he is interviewing for is further away than where he previously worked, as opposed to a train trip & a short walk, it will be a train & a bus, or two buses. Driving is not an option, there is nowhere to park.

    This means he will need to leave earlier than he was in the morning, so he is unlikely to see ds before he wakes up. And he is never home in time to see ds before he goes to bed. Ds adores him & it makes me sad that he wont understand why he doesnt see his daddy at all during the week.

    How do you manage this? How do you explain to your kids where their daddy is? Ds is only 9 months old but is very alert & aware & perceptive.

    How do you make sure you both get a break that isnt work? Ds will be in daycare 3 days a week while im at work but there is no-one to help me & give me a break on the other 2 days.

  2. #2
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    My partner wouldn't take a job if it meant not seeing the kids during the week.
    But that's just us. Sometimes you have to do something you really don't want until something better comes along.
    Could he do the crappy job and keep looking for something better?
    I have to ask, where on earth is the job that you cant drive there!

  3. #3
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    My DH works away 4 weeks on/off and we only have intermittent internet contact while he is away. I have always talked to the kids about what daddy does for work, why he has to go away and importantly prepare them for when he is about to go away. I do reassure them and read them his emails - and ask them what we should tell him about our day (I have a 7yo, a 2yo and will have a newborn tomorrow!) Hugs it can be really hard when you are doing it on your own and you tend to feel lots for the kids, but kids are resilient, you just have to find a balance that works for you. Maybe he can ring on bluetooth in the car on the way home to say goodnight at a particular time? I keep a special photo of each child and dad so that they can look, cuddle, talk to it anytime. There are lots of people in a similar boat and while I understand your DH isnt FIFO, if you do an internet search on the FIFO life there are lots of translatable resources you could use with kids. Good luck making things work for you.

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    Job is in the city. Parking in the cbd is an absolute nightmare, usually short term only & costs an absolute fortune.

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    Can he drive to a train station closer to the city and get a train directly in there, or perhaps to a bus stop.

  6. #6
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    this is my life op. with 3 kids at 2, 4 & 6 dh works 7 days a week. he never really sees them and the kids know he is at work. not much I can do about it and helpwise I get none at all.. some days are horrendous and awful and some are good.. I just go with the flow. Sometimes you just have to lump the circumstances as it's the only choice really.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitterFarts View Post
    this is my life op. with 3 kids at 2, 4 & 6 dh works 7 days a week. he never really sees them and the kids know he is at work. not much I can do about it and helpwise I get none at all.. some days are horrendous and awful and some are good.. I just go with the flow. Sometimes you just have to lump the circumstances as it's the only choice really.
    Us too. Dh works 7 days, 12 hours a day on our farm. Sometimes he goes a week without seeing them. We will occasionally call in and see him for an hour - could you have a lunch date once a week on your day off?

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    Hugs. Think of it is a short term arrangement until something better comes along. If you are dependent on his income, it's a sacrifice you will have to make unfortunately. I would look into his travel to work more and see if there is alternate methods he can get to work quicker. Or can you take on more work while he holds out for something better?

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    My DH works 14hr days and when my dd1 was young she only saw him on days off, now she's 3 and doesn't like going to bed she sees him of a night.

    You just do it, it's hard and now we have a newborn too, there are days I want him home, but that is his job and pays our bills.

    My dad worked huge hours and I know he did it for his family. Everything he does (still to this day) is for his family, my husband is the same.

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    DH can work very long hours and can often go 2-3 days without seeing our boys awake. However he is at home with them on Tuesdays.

    It's never been an issue, if we get a chance he talks to the boys on the phone, but otherwise he will always tuck them in when he gets home. DS1 is 3 and understands when Daddy is at work (if he comes into our room in the morning and DH isn't there he just says 'Daddy's at work') and is happy to know that Daddy will tuck him in when he is asleep. It's also normal for DS2 (19 months).

    When DH is home he is completely focused on the boys, so it's quality over quantity I guess. It will be an adjustment for you all, but you can make it work.


 

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