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  1. #1
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    Default How involved are you in playtime?

    Having some issues with dd1 age 8. Dp thinks I need to spend more time with her which I agree with (actually he blames everything on me but that's another story!). We also have 5 yo and 9mth old and been reading the routine thread and wonder what kind of 'play' kids do/ what's your involvement? I used to play heaps when they were babies and toddlers but now I'm more the onlooker but I kind of think that's normal by this age? I get in the pool with them, walk while they ride bikes, read, try and chat, try and find common interest with dd like taking to cafes / doing nails etc but I don't usually run around the garden or do rough play like Dp does. Dd is a difficult demanding child and we clash a lot. I'm trying to find ways of reconnecting with her but I feel at 8 she should be appreciating that we don't have to enjoy the same things to love each other. She likes me watching her doing flips on the trampoline or baking so I'm trying to find time. Sorry losing my original train of thought. Guess I just wonder what kind of play your school kids tend to and how much you are involved? Yesterday Dp had rare day off (usually gone 7-7) and baby was asleep after school so I played sport games with dd - ds got bored and went inside. When bub woke up Dp took them out riding bikes while I looked after bub. Then I made dinner. We had no hitting or tantrums or name calling from dd but she played her games outside all afternoon and then ate her favourite dinner. That's not achievable on most school days. I figure I can probably fit in 30 minutes - 1 hour on non activity days and push dinner out to 6 or find those elusive quick but healthy meals that can be whipped up in a flash. Just need some realistic play ideas for baby + 5&8 yo!

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    I'm not really good with play time, but my ds who is 8 has suddenly got into board games and I do like playing those. Some of the games we are into are junior monopoly (he gets to be banker) and the cheese touch game from diary of a wimpy kid, the little kids are enjoying it too.

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    Freyamum  (27-03-2015)

  4. #3
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    I find it is hard to get anything done between school pick up and dinner, then dinner and bed, so you're not alone there.
    When I have something for dinner that is already in slow cooker/ oven I might take the kids to the park straight from school, but my eldest is 5, so not really sure if 8yo would be so into that.
    The other thought I had was, does your 8yo go to bed later than the other 2? Maybe having half an hour of one on one time once the other kids are in bed might help.

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    Freyamum  (27-03-2015)

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    I think I need to fit in quick park play after school more often, just hard find one suitable for baby up to 8! I'd like to get ds off to bed before dd but it never happens. Might try talking to Dp about making it a rule but he's so anti routine / rules!

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    I think youre expecting too much of yourself (and dp is expecting too much of you). You have 3 kids, and su h a range in ages, and its hard to spend special time with each one, especially with dp gone so often. 50 or 100 years ago, mothers had very little or no time to play with their kids, they were shoved outside to entertain themselves while mums did the house duties, washing by hand, etc. We expect so much of ourselves these days. I also have 3 kids (preschooler, toddler & baby) &I have little 1:1 time at the moment. When they are older and all the same stage, we can all play a board game together, etc - atm thats just not possible.

    If dp wants you to have 1:1 time with dd, when he gets in the door at 7, he can take baby & ds for 30 mins. He can do ds's bedtime & play with baby/ do a bath/ whatever baby neess at that time while you spend 30mins with dd having a bosrd game or something. He could also take the younger two on the weekend so you can have 1:1 time with dd. Does she enjoy cooking with you?

    The after school thing is really hard. Especially when there is a baby having witching hour, and two tired school children. Go easy on yourself, and tell dp to do the same. You are doing a fantastic job.

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  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    I think youre expecting too much of yourself (and dp is expecting too much of you). You have 3 kids, and su h a range in ages, and its hard to spend special time with each one, especially with dp gone so often. 50 or 100 years ago, mothers had very little or no time to play with their kids, they were shoved outside to entertain themselves while mums did the house duties, washing by hand, etc. We expect so much of ourselves these days. I also have 3 kids (preschooler, toddler & baby) &I have little 1:1 time at the moment. When they are older and all the same stage, we can all play a board game together, etc - atm thats just not possible.

    If dp wants you to have 1:1 time with dd, when he gets in the door at 7, he can take baby & ds for 30 mins. He can do ds's bedtime & play with baby/ do a bath/ whatever baby neess at that time while you spend 30mins with dd having a bosrd game or something. He could also take the younger two on the weekend so you can have 1:1 time with dd. Does she enjoy cooking with you?

    The after school thing is really hard. Especially when there is a baby having witching hour, and two tired school children. Go easy on yourself, and tell dp to do the same. You are doing a fantastic job.
    Thanks for your reply, I think the same but starting to doubt myself lately. I want to find some 121 time but also want to encourage independent play. I'm sure my mum didn't 'play' as such when I was 8. We had friends on the road to play with though and had more freedom. It's hard to know what's the right thing these days. Especially with this baby brain - I had a good idea for our evenings but forgotten!

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    Pretty involved. I spend time in the afternoon with ds2 when he gets home from kindy, we do stuff such as cutting, play dough, baking or we go for a swim in the pool. Ds3 gets me all to himself in the mornings where we play on the mat etc. Ds1 probably doesn't get as much 1 on 1 but he has had his share in the early years, although he stays up a little later so I do get that bit of time with just us. I think it's been easier having the 1 on 1 time with the 3yr gap between all 3. It's part of the reason we wanted that gap.
    When ds1 gets home from school we still have a good 3 hrs of daylight even when dh gets home from work in which we are all in the pool, playing footy and cricket or dh and I sit back and chat having a cold one while the boys are playing on the swings, climbing trees and riding their bikes.

    Sounds like your doing fine op. Perhaps your dh is expecting a bit too much.

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  12. #8
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    Does she have any friends that she can visit or spend time with? Maybe the one on one time can be with other kids her age

  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    Pretty involved. I spend time in the afternoon with ds2 when he gets home from kindy, we do stuff such as cutting, play dough, baking or we go for a swim in the pool. Ds3 gets me all to himself in the mornings where we play on the mat etc. Ds1 probably doesn't get as much 1 on 1 but he has had his share in the early years, although he stays up a little later so I do get that bit of time with just us. I think it's been easier having the 1 on 1 time with the 3yr gap between all 3. It's part of the reason we wanted that gap.
    When ds1 gets home from school we still have a good 3 hrs of daylight even when dh gets home from work in which we are all in the pool, playing footy and cricket or dh and I sit back and chat having a cold one while the boys are playing on the swings, climbing trees and riding their bikes.

    Sounds like your doing fine op. Perhaps your dh is expecting a bit too much.
    Wow. What you describe is kinda what I imagined life would be like in Australia - you don't live on Ramsay street 😉 My reality is Dp mostly gets home in time to do home readers and bedtime stories. After school there's rush to gymnastics or it's homework, tidy up after day got nothing done with baby and then try and make dinner with 3 children all trying to get my attention at the same time. There's so little time and when there is I am often feeling too stressed to be really engaged with them. Weekends there's rugby and swimming and somehow catch up on washing, shopping, cleaning...
    Sigh. Think I'll give the 30mins straight after school a go to start as being home at 4 is no different really to 4.30, now to think about what way we can use the time equitably...


 

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