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  1. #1
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    Default WWYD? Bullying at school

    Ok, so I am one of the first to admit that my 9yr old DSS is no angel and can be a right little turd. Just prefacing my scenario with the disclaimer that I have no delusions about him and I'm not one of those parents who think their child can do no wrong.

    He has been having a lot of trouble at school and on the bus both last year and this year and has been kicked off the bus and hauled in front of the principle and teachers more times than I care to count right now. His BM has even told us she will send him to live with us because she is at her wits end. He only talks to his dad and it was DP that got out of him that he is being bullied by this one kid. This same kid also catches his bus. DSS has a short fuse and this kid knows how to get him to react and then dobs on him. DSS has become increasingly negative about school and his behaviour has taken a massive decline since all this started.

    Not long ago he actually tried to do the right thing and tell the teacher what this kid was doing instead of trying to thump him and it was DSS that got into trouble! This tells me that they have profiled him as the 'bad kid' so he wont be believed regardless.

    Now BM has told DP that she bumped into this kid's mum when she was at the shops with DSS. The mum started yelling at her and threatening her and when she did not react the mum started on DSS, calling him an Fing C and threatening him too. In the middle of woollies! So now we know why the kid is a bully. BM has gone to seek legal advice about an AVO (not sure she will get it but hey, worth a go). DP and I have suggested that she pull both DSS's out of that school and send them elsewhere and she replied that there will be bullies at every school to deal with. I feel that the school is not handling the bullying very well either and a fresh start is needed. I actually wish she would send him to us just because then he could start over and be away from that situation.

    My concern is that DSS will get to the point where he feels that trying is useless at any level because doing right just gets you into trouble and you just have to struggle on your own. Despite his faults he can be very loving and he is very intelligent. I hate seeing his light go out in this way.

    So my question is, in this scenario, what would you do? I realise in my position that all I can do is make the suggestion (through DP) and let her take it or leave it but I am curious to hear from both step parents and bio parents as to what they would do in this situation. I need some variety of perspective.

  2. #2
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    If the school teachers/principal aren't listening to your concerns, take it higher. If nothing is still done, pull then out and let him start over at a new school.

  3. #3
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    I would get DSs some help - a counsellor etc.

    I would then take a report from the counsellor and send an email to the school with bullet points of what has happened (DSs being bullied, bm being abused by bullies mum, counsellors report saying XYZ). In the email I would request a meeting.

    If I wasn't happy with the outcome of the meeting I would consider complaining further, or moving the child to a different school.

    At 9 years of age I would also consider using before/after school care and dropping DSs directly at school so he didn't have to hang out with the bully on the bus.

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  5. #4
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    We have suggested a counsellor to BM last year when DSS was struggling with a few other things. I have no idea if she went ahead with it but I suspect not. I'll mention it to DP to suggest again though as this situation of only feeling comfortable talking to dad does not help DSS when he only visits us every 3-4 weeks dues to distance.

    Apparently as far as the bus solution, there is none. I very much doubt she would pay for after school care when she is constantly telling us how poor she is. They catch the bus to her parents place when she works but her mum doesn't drive and her dad im not sure of but she wont ask them to pick the boys up so she has her reasons I guess.

    I am also concerned that despite what the school does that this situation cannot be resolved when the other boys mum is clearly backing him up fully in his behaviour. I know as an educator how hard it is to change a child's behaviour when the parents are working against you.

    I will definitely gather all the suggestions that are given in this thread and get DP to pass them on to his ex in the hopes that we can come up with a solution.

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    Have you had meetings with the principal or school? All involved care givers?

    If not;

    - set up a meeting to discuss concerns
    - get a plan for managing the situation
    - follow up with an email
    - keep daily contact with the school around the issue
    - seek follow up meetings
    - ensure your DSS is a part of finding a solution

    Don't pull your DSS out of school without first trying to solve the issue, its important to communicate these issues, for your DSS, yourselves and the school.

  7. #6
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    I know BM has been to speak to the school on a few occasions about individual issues as they arise. A meeting with everyone is quite impossible at this point as the boys live 4 hrs away, DP works all week and I am approx. 3 weeks away from having a baby. Getting a plan for managing the situation is a good idea though so I'll suggest that she chase that up and maybe see if DP can follow up via phone and email to back her up on it.


 

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