Your dp blames all of this on you and tells you that you're a nutjob?
I wonder if this general attitude of his is obvious to your 8yr old too? If so, maybe she's learnt that it's okay to treat you this way?
Yep that's what I think. I recently recounted to him how she'd been rude about dinner and when I told her that wasn't nice she said 'why? you are just my mum' his reaction she's just a kid no biggie. I think it's all coming to ahead now as I can't keep burying my head in the sand telling myself all is ok. I've tried to tell him so many times how much I'm struggling but I always end up feeling attacked. Then I try and pull myself out of it and focus on at least being together for working on dds issues but only thing we agree on is me spending more quality time with her and his only idea for that is me to spend less time on my phone! I'm so isolated here and that's his answer. I stepped back on Sunday and he spends way more time on his and most of my time is arranging kid stuff or connecting with other parents or family... Argh better get back to it...
Just throwing it out there... have you tried doing the absolute complete opposite approach with her? Google love bombing. Get your DP on board to have the other kids and love bomb the freak out of her. This sounds pretty cliche but maybe you and your daughter need to 'reconnect' and then once reconnected start off on the boundaries, expectations, discipline?
9 month old is still breastfed on demand I've had max 3 hours away from her from birth - part of the jealousy I suspect but night away pretty impossible. Thinking more a few hours might be doable but in general I've backed off on trying to get her to do anything in the house, ignoring her jibes though I draw the line at ignoring the violence. But yes trying to reconnect is major goal
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