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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default desperate for help/advice

    HI all
    Its been a really long time since i have posted but i really need some advice and I hope Im posting in the appropriate area

    Basically I told dh that i wanted to seperate and that i was now longer in love with him. As expected he did not take this news so well.

    The problem I am having is that he is refusing to leave the house. We rent and both our names are on the lease and i know he has just as much right to be here as i do. He was supposed to stay in the house till This tuesday when he was due to fly back to work for 3 weeks. and then when he returned for his 3 weeks off he was going to find a new house for him.

    he has now done a complete 180. he is no longer going back to work for this rotation and has told me he now wishes to stay in this house for the remainder of the lease.

    The bigget problem I have and this is where i need the advice is that I cannot leave the house. I am a stay at home mum and have absolutey no form of income. I do not receive any ftb. he is refusing to let me take the kids and i dont want to leave without them. He is refusing to support me financially in any way shape or form from next fortnight. I have started a claim for parenting payment but now that we are classed as separated under the same roof is it going to be harder and take longer to get my claim approved?

    all i want to do is leave and get a house with the kids. can he stop me from leaving with them. I feel as though he is trying to make me leave.

    sorry if this is rambling and doesnt make sense. I cant even think straight atm

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    GrabbyCrabby's Avatar
    GrabbyCrabby is offline She is everything I need, that I never knew I wanted... She is everything I want, that I never knew I needed...
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I can't read and run. Hugs! I hope this comment bumps it into someone else's feed who can help!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Hugs to you!
    I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago. Your claim for parenting payment shouldn't take long. I was separated under one roof and my parenting payment claim was completed within a couple of weeks so you shouldn't have any issues.
    I don't know what state you are in but in SA you can apply to Housing SA for help with bond and rent if you need to find another place to stay.
    He sounds very controlling, which is emotional abuse (I had the same with my ex and it is hard when there are no physical signs of abuse to prove it to people). Please stay strong. Take it one step at a time and have an emergency plan in place for leaving if you need to.
    Mediation through Relationships Australia is also a great way to work through your disputes and work out a parenting plan for the kids once things calm down a bit.
    Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to chat

    [The hubber formerly known as misscheviuz]

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    I dont have much advice via the centrelink stuff hun but agree with pancake that you should have a emergency plan for you and your kids. If he is out to make things difficult for you it proves separating is probably the right thing. From what you described he isnt fighting for you he is fighting with you. Sorry for not much advice. Just lots of hugs.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default desperate for help/advice

    Can the lease be broken? Or one of you go into emergency housing. It must be extremely hard. Or someone go to a friends or family family?

    On another note: do you think time away together could bring the r'ship together again. Maybe a week somewhere? With or without the kids.
    Last edited by Nafsika; 23-03-2015 at 06:12.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hi Op! I would call the DV helpline and try to get into a refuge because many refuges have support and access to transitional housing which means you are allowed to stay for a period of 3-9 months. Within that time they help with childcare, legal support, getting back into the work force and long term accommodation. It’s a good plan when you haven’t been working. As for him staying in the home, meh. He’s trying to reinforce your ‘powerlessness’ and undermine your ability to live without him. You can do it. Flick him to the curb, call for DV assistance and get you and your kids away from his sorry, controlling a**hat.


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