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  1. #1
    BoyCrazy's Avatar
    BoyCrazy is offline <MY SWEET BABY GIRL HARPER 9 MONTHS
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    Default Wwyd?

    so my ex (the kids dad) and I have been split for a while now..and as predicted he is still a deadbeat dad, and sucks at seeing them or supporting them etc. Since he moved 4hrs away from us (yay) he has seen the kids 3 times since march last year. He pays 15 dollars per fortnight cs, which I most likely only get due to the fact its automatically taken out of his dole.

    Anyway, we are currently apparently meant to be doing mediation, but it got cancelled because my ex couldn't make it (so shocked) . so the last time I have heard from him was 3 weeks ago. He is meant to call the kids twice a week. I don't feel like I should be the one to chase him...its his job to call them, not my job to make sure he does the right thing.

    Already my eldest 9yrs, and my daughter 4yrs don't want anything to do with him and refuse to talk to him, my 18mth old doesn't know him from a bar of soap. its just my 6yr old who asks me "why doesn't dad call" im not going to make excuses for my ex anymore, im done.

    would you bring this up in mediation? would you be doing the same as me in regards to my ex? I just figure If he really loved and cared for his kids, he would make an effort to have regular phone contact with them at least??

    they are very lucky that they have a great father figure in my boyfriend who treats them as if they were his own ...so they aren't really missing out.

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    I don't have personal experience with anything like this, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry your ex is such a deadbeat dad

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  4. #3
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    BoyCrazy is offline <MY SWEET BABY GIRL HARPER 9 MONTHS
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    its ok, I didn't expect anything less from him, lol..hes always been a selfish ****!

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    Aww Hun, I was thinking of you the other day and wondering how you were. I'm actually happy to hear your not with your ex! Sorry he is being such a douche!

    I'd keep a diary and record each time he fails to contact the kids when he is supposed to and take it with you to mediation.

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  7. #5
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    BoyCrazy is offline <MY SWEET BABY GIRL HARPER 9 MONTHS
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    Thanks waterlily! Ive got a diary with everything else in there that he has done/not done, so ill pop it all in there too.
    seriously, life is so much better now , kicking him out was the best thing I ever did..its so good to be happy, and in a relationship with someone who treats me well and how I deserve to be

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    Default Wwyd?

    Absolutley bring it up in mediation. Don't make it about you though. Or him. Make it about the kids in a factual and non-narrative kind of way. Eg "on Thursday 10th and 17th ex-DH didn't call the kids. On the 17th DS2 cried and asked why his daddy didn't want to talk to him. That same day DS1 yelled "I didn't want to talk to him anyway."

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    Yes, definitely bring it up in mediation. And yes, I'd be doing the same as you.

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    BoyCrazy is offline <MY SWEET BABY GIRL HARPER 9 MONTHS
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    thanks vicpark, that's good advice! I don't care what he does, personally id love it if he just fell off the face of the earth and didn't have anything to do with us at all! so his behaviour doesn't affect me. I only feel bad for ds2 who for some reason worships him. I know he will eventually change his views, but he will do it of his own accord..and if the ex keeps this up it will be sooner rather than later. Im pretty sure mediation will see that he is making no effort what so ever. ex is just making his full colours known..

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    I would do what Vicpark said. Keep writing the missed days in your diary.

    This happened to us as well. When it went to court the affidavit had every date written out. When it takes up more than an A4 piece of paper it looks bad!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BoyCrazy View Post
    thanks vicpark, that's good advice! I don't care what he does, personally id love it if he just fell off the face of the earth and didn't have anything to do with us at all! so his behaviour doesn't affect me. I only feel bad for ds2 who for some reason worships him. I know he will eventually change his views, but he will do it of his own accord..and if the ex keeps this up it will be sooner rather than later. Im pretty sure mediation will see that he is making no effort what so ever. ex is just making his full colours known..
    Just remember that mediation isn't about anyone else making a decision or judgment about the situation - it is about the two of you negotiating and coming to an agreement, if possible. The mediator is only there to facilitate the discussion, not to take sides. The discussion is confidential and "without prejudice" which means it doesn't get used in any later court proceedings. So, by all means bring it up, but only if it's going to help you get him to agree to what you want!

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