Sorry ifthis is a bit long but I need some advice on how to handle this.
Imoriginally from Europe and all my family lives there. I have been in Aus forthe past 9 years with DH. When DS1 was born last year my parents decided theywere going to come and visit when DS1 was 6 weeks old. They stayed for 4 weeks.DH could only take the last two weeks off from work. My parents haven’t reallybeen very nice to us then although they really don’t realize it. They hadn’t seenme or spent time with me for 2 years as I had not been able to travel home forthat time as we were TTC. I was dealing with a newborn and had a lot ofproblems establishing breastfeeding and all my parents did was comment andcriticize my choice for breastfeeding. Basically during their stay they wentsilent, mum slept every day till lunch time and I was cooking for them,prepping lunches, doing their laundry, cleaning up the house while they didn’t helpme at all. On top of that they skyped my siblings every day for hours to talkto them while during the day they had not much to say to me at all. (we atelunch in utter silence and it was really hard to start a conversation with themto end in short answers). I heard my mum complain she was bored because I usedto nap for an hour while DS1 took a nap. I was so exhausted I got mastitis afew times. The last two weeks we took them on a road trip and showed themaround. Then my mum complained it was too much for her as she was too tired.
Then atChristmas as DS1 was going to be baptized we took 7 weeks off to travel toEurope and spend time with my family and we had to stay with my parents. After2 days I copped nothing but criticism on both DH and my parenting, DS was jetlagged and sick the first two weeks and we got no help of sympathy. The othergrandkids got all the cooing when they visited and basically DS was hardlylooked at. I thought my parents would spend extra time with him since we liveso far away but I guess not. I got a lot of silence treatment for whateverreason I still cant figure out. I actually asked them politely to stop tellingme how to raise my son that he was doing great and is healthy and happy. Therewere days where my parents would disappear and never told us where they weregoing. I was upset one time and asked them why they didn’t even want to take mefor a coffee or something but mums response was that they don’t do that kind ofthing. I feel sorry for DH because he took all that annual leave off andbasically if we didn’t take a train to visit friends we were stuck sitting inthe couch till my parents got up close to lunch time. It was very badhospitality. One night she had only cooked dinner for herself and dad and toldus to work out dinner for ourselves. Ive never been so disappointed, but it’snot been a new thing because the last three visits staying with them similarsort of stuff happened. I don’t know why I get this treatment. I was so excitedto go home after 3 and a half years away but its kind of ruined our wholeholiday. I have a lot of resentment now but I cant really speak up because theydon’t take criticism easy themselves. Theyre allowed to criticize it seems but don’taccept others opinions.
I ampregnant with #2 right now and I haven’t even told them. I would have told themonce I found out but DH wants to wait till im at least 12 wks but im worriedthey will tell me they want to come stay with us again and I don’t want thesame stuff happening again. I don’t know how to tell them how I feel because I feelso worthless in their eyes. My mum doesn’t even bother getting up before noontheir time to skype and see my son, she always has an excuse. My son needs togo to bed at 7pm and ive told them many times but dad keeps skyping rightbefore his bedtime when I try to put him to bed. It feels like I keep having tobend over backwards to keep them off my back. My mum also never texts me to askhow were doing and dad is only interested in seeing our son. My last text frommum was the day we left Europe “I might not show you much that I love you but Ido” I didn’t know how to respond to it so I didn’t. I wish she would treat mebetter instead because I go thru life the last 10 years for a lot of reasonsthinking that she doesn’t love me at all. I feel so alone and I feel like I cannever go back and certainly if we have to visit there again we are not stayingwith them ever again. I know they will be offended but what am I supposed todo? Put myself through more torment? How can I tell them I don’t really wantthem to visit when my second baby is born? I cant keep them away from theirgrandchildren either L don’t know how to handle it.