Rude? No (once DSS was on the verge of 'rude' to me, but as soon as I said he was getting rude, he stopped) not with us.
Very rude with their mother though, and I (and DH) have pulled them up on it when we've seen it.
Meals are easy here- at the weekends we generally decide as a family what we will eat, and they eat it 90% of the time (if tired they don't finish it and go to bed, or if sick they might only eat some).
We try something new once a month, and have a back-up meal, so either is eaten.
If they complain for the sake of complaining, they go to bed. They know there are two options (when they are well, and it's something they have always eaten)- eat or bed. We don't remind them, as it has always been a rule. They just go straight to bed.
I was one of those kids, who was often extremely rude to my mum and had no appreciation for what she did. It's hard to get into that mindset, but as far as I can remember it was a combination of:
-Just honestly saying what I thought
-Not understanding the effort that went into food/housework etc.
-Getting frustrated if my mum disregarded how I felt/told me i was rude/got annoyed with me etc.
I'm sure kids behave in similar ways for different reasons, but things that I think may have helped with me:
-Acknowledgement of how I felt (eg. that it was okay if I didn't like something)
-Positive guidance on how to express things politely, without judgement
-Calm explanations as to how what I said might affect people (rather than things like "if you say that to someone else, they might turn around and thump you")
-Clear rules about what was/wasn't acceptable. Even something like a chart with :
Polite | Rude
"Thankyou for cooking, but..." | "Yuck, this is gross"
-giving me more responsibility with regard to housework, and expecting me to do it
-my dad contributing to cooking, housework etc...rather than it only ever seeming like my mum's job. I honestly remember thinking at times as a kid "what's she complaining about, SHE chose to have kids, I didn't make her" etc.
Last edited by Renn; 12-03-2015 at 12:21.
I'm working on getting dp to pull his weight and be seen to do stuff but today my thoughts are will I be doing this all alone soon as he's as stubborn as our dd it wouldn't shock me if he just left
My 3 and 4 year old know they are not allowed to say something they are served is yucky. If they don't like something and they feel the need to say it they need to own it `I don't like this', they are expected to leave to the side any food they don't want without any complaint.
I would find that rude, we always thank the person who has cooked and served the meal and I place a lot of importance on courtesy and respect, but I also strive to be respectful and courteous to my kids so I guess it goes both ways.
DSS went through a long period (stopped about 6 months ago) where he would say, "I don't like this", for almost everything.
We knew what he meant was "I don't WANT this", and would tell him "you mean 'want'. Tough".
We would chat with him about the difference between like and want over and over.
Eventually he realised that "want" wouldn't get him anywhere.
Now, when he says, "I don't like this", it is because he genuinely does not like it.
If we were to approach not liking something (genuine) with a 'tough', he would freak out.
We had to be very clear that we would not make him eat something he genuinely did not like. But that he had to be clear about when he meant 'want' rather than 'like'.
DSD is like a completely different child when she is with me and her daddy verses when she is with her mum! She is 4 and still has her dummy all the time with her mum, no manners, rude, talks like a baby, has "accidents" all the time!! With us she is polite, no dummy at all, has a routine, knows the rules, says please and thank you, talks properly, is polite to visitors or people we go see, very rarely has accidents and if she does its at night time in bed but even that is very rare.. So hard for me and DF sometimes coz when she has spent too much time with her mother she is such a sh*t of a kid and everything we work so hard to instil in her comes undone and we are back to square one!! Has been like that from the start and DF and I have been together since she was 10 months old. It's not as hard to get her back into our routine now she's a bit older she recognised who she is with.. But yeah she always used to remind me "you're not my mum I don't have to listen to you" clearly mummy had been saying things in her little ears! But now she tells me with love that I am her step mummy!!
hi freyamum, I think you have more problem with your dh than with your children. children learn what they live, if your dh doesn't show respect to you, your children will not learn how to show respect. how does he react if the children are rude to him?? does he think it is ok to be back chatted and insulted by the children?? also if he treats you poorly how do you treat him. ? manners and respect and some kindness are very important aspects of human relationships, and everyone should be shown at least some measure of this each day. hugs, marie.
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