I too found friends who had their kids in strict routines painful. We drifted away as they would only ever do what suited them.
Find a compromise. Always be home for the midday sleep as that's the sleep kids keep till kindergarten age. For both my kids I only ever focused on the one from 11.30-2/3 sleep. The others just fitted in with my day.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.