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  1. #41
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    Default Tough love - getting baby to take a bottle/cup

    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    Just let me say, I don't think A-squared meant to be mean or anything either, I'm sure your intentions were good with your post.

    I guess it just came across as unsupportive to me because I know that when I was struggling with DS I just really needed people to talk to and share my problems with, even if they didn't give me any useful advice. I have to admit I don't read bub hub as much as I used to so I haven't seen all of the OP's posts but if she is posting a lot I'd assume that means she needs more support. I wouldn't want her to feel like she's posting too much if she really needs to talk about things IYKWIM.
    I get what you mean. I don't think the frustration is that she 'posts too much' but that there is a very obvious underlying issue, that OP herself has acknowledged, and that almost a year later has not tried to manage. It's like if somebody on here told us they broke their leg and never went to the dr but then continued to ask for support and advice because their broken leg keeps making everything too difficult. You'd eventually want to shout 'go see a dr about your leg!!!!' You know what I mean?

    I get this is a sensitive issue but hs, your posts ooze with anxiety. You actually do something that my therapist said I do a lot. You catastrophize everything. Before we moved to London I did this constantly about our move (and still do). I think maybe an exercise she gave me may help you.

    Whenever you are feeling anxious or stressed about something sit down and write a list of every single catastrophe your mind is coming up with regarding that particular issue. Then, in a column next to each 'catastrophe' write down the most likely, rational outcome and if it is really that bad. It's a way to make you see rationally that something isn't the end of the world and you can deal with it.

    Hope you're doing ok.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 07-03-2015 at 01:50.

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  3. #42
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    For what its worth i am seeing a psychologist & have been for a while. Prior to that i was recieving help from PANDA. Im not making excuses for not going on medication yet but i just do not want to expose my son to that through the breastmilk, even in tiny amounts. Whenever i manage to wean him ill go on meds then.

    Im sorry if i annoyed people by posting questions here, i dont really have anyone else to ask. And with dh gone 12hrs a day during the week & everyone else working full time as well i dont have much support.

    I spent most of my pregnancy trying to get help for my anxiety. The hospital just didnt want to know, even when i called them in tears. The private psychs i could get to were booked up for 3 months so i pretty much had to get through by myself until i finally got in to see someone late in pregnancy. So im sorry that the mental health system in this country is so atrocious but i tried.
    Last edited by heartstringz; 07-03-2015 at 07:09.

  4. #43
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    Continue to ask here love. Don't worry that others have turned this post into a debate.... If you annoy people, they should choose to look elsewhere rather than read your posts. The community is here to support all mothers. You are an amazing mummy, doing an amazing job! x

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    Quote Originally Posted by CountryLovin View Post
    Continue to ask here love. Don't worry that others have turned this post into a debate.... If you annoy people, they should choose to look elsewhere rather than read your posts. The community is here to support all mothers. You are an amazing mummy, doing an amazing job! x
    This. We are here to support you @heartstringz.

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  8. #45
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    Hun you just keep asking. It's not about being annoying, it's about wanting to find the right way to help you.

    I understand how hard it is to find help and I also understand your reasons for not wanting to take meds. It's tough suffering the way you are. We understand.

    I keep asking a question that you might not have noticed - is it helpful to get so much conflicting information or are there one or two hubbers that give info that is helping you most? Because I for one won't be offended if you say your philosophy/hints don't tend to fit what's happening here. It'll dull the noise a bit iykwim x

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    @harvs the conflicting info does sometimes get confusing, but ultimately it helps to know that so many people are trying to help

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    I get where A-squared was coming from because I, too, have said something similar before. It's awesome that you get so many helpful replies to your threads, but I am worried that it may be too much with your anxiety and sending your head spinning... I know I get a bit frazzled when I read conflicting advice, it would be even worse if there were several pages of it.

    I wonder if it would be helpful for you to find a few members that seem to align with your parenting philosophies and PM them first with your questions and then move on to starting a thread for broader advice if it hasn't helped?

    Please don't take the above as me not caring or wanting you to post anymore, it's quite the opposite; I'm just offering some suggestions that may help with your anxiety and/or slow down all of the conflicting advice so you only have a small number of things to try to help, rather than confusing you and bub with implementing thing after thing.

    If my above suggestion is something you may be interested in, I'm more than happy to receive PM after PM from you, as would many others be

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    I'm happy to help you in any way I can

    Motherhood is a tough gig but you are doing really well .

    it does get easier I promise

    Xx

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    Default Tough love - getting baby to take a bottle/cup

    I understand not wanting to take lifts from strangers, especially with anxiety, meeting someone you have never met, being in their space (car) etc.

    I think it would be better to have offered to meet up for a coffee or play date in a central location.

    I think if you got out to a playgroup or a play date with someone and their kids and you started to get more comfortable in that scenario, then the problems at home wouldn't seem so stressful. I won't tell you how you feel because I'm not you but If I'm home with Dd all day and she's been chucking tantrums or getting into things, my whole day feels focused on that and I can get cranky and I feel like I need a break, if I go out just for a walk for 20 mins or take Dd to the park for a swing my day feels less suffocating and instead very enjoyable. Yesterday I went shopping, I took my squirming toddler on and off the bus and walked for hours and hours but mentally we were both refreshed, just being around people made a difference and Dd was stimulated and engaged in day to day life.

    I also suffer from anxiety, I don't drive because of it and I used to find public transport overwhelming so I was always stuck at home if I had no one to come with me, then as Dd got older it had to change because she can't be stuck at home all the time and neither can I. You have mentioned going to the shops for a coffee while your DH stays with your Ds whilst trying to get him to take a bottle, what about on days he's at work you do that? Not everyday.. But if it's a nice day and you have the energy i suggest doing it.

    I can't ever give much advise with your Ds because I haven't had to deal with the same type of things, but I see similar attributes in myself that you present and once you get past feeling like things are too hard, you realise how easy they can actually be.
    Last edited by DreamyMummy; 07-03-2015 at 10:05.

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  17. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post

    I wonder if it would be helpful for you to find a few members that seem to align with your parenting philosophies and PM them first with your questions and then move on to starting a thread for broader advice if it hasn't helped?

    Please don't take the above as me not caring or wanting you to post anymore, it's quite the opposite; I'm just offering some suggestions that may help with your anxiety and/or slow down all of the conflicting advice so you only have a small number of things to try to help, rather than confusing you and bub with implementing thing after thing.

    If my above suggestion is something you may be interested in, I'm more than happy to receive PM after PM from you, as would many others be
    This is great. There are so many different methods of parenting and if everyone gives you their own method even someone not anxious in nature is likely to get confused.

    Work out how YOU want to parent HS and then PM the members that share your philosophy. Or pm the ones you don't wish to contribute to your threads. Either way you will get support and methods that support your method of parenting.

    Good luck and I'm happy to help anytime.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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