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  1. #31
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    Has anyone tried mimijumi bottles? Just wanting to hear whether they worked for anyone with a fussy breastfed baby

  2. #32
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    HS if I might make an observation, I along with many others have spent a lot of time and energy trying to help you through your DSs issues, using our knowledge and personal experiences.

    I'm finding this to be quite difficult lately as I'm constantly confused by exactly what isn't going right as many of your posts contradict others. You said early on your DH is better at settling DS than you are and you question why he can do it so easily and you can't. Now all of a sudden you say your DH can't settle him at night. I'm confused.

    You also said you were getting a nanny but now you're complaining about the only childcare centre you can get into. Again, I'm confused. I just wonder what your posts are all about, do you just want to vent or do you truly want advice and help?

    I'm not sure I want to give you advice anymore as I'm not sure that you really want it. People have even offered to drive you to appointments or look after your DS, but you never take them up on their offers, you admit defeat before you even try anyone's suggestions.

    Some people I'm sure will tell me to just stop giving advice instead of writing this post and perhaps I could do that but I don't like that other hubbers seem to be wasting their time too. I'm trying a tough love approach of my own here to help you.

    It all comes back to you needing to take the bull by the horns and sort out your anxiety. Until then I don't think any of us can help you.

    Perhaps just start a diary thread where you can vent away your frustrations. No one else can post in there, but you can still let it all out...? People can also thank your posts so show they still care and are listening. But I truly think us offering advice isn't helping you, it just gives you far too much to think about, too many opinions and suggestions and it gets in the way of you being consistent in your approach to solving your DSs issues. To be honest I think it makes your anxiety worse because it's like we are all telling you what to do and you're being pulled in all different directions.

    Anyway I'll pull my head in now. I truly hope you can start to sort through the issues at play. Good luck.

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  4. #33
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    Ok thanks no worries ill start a blog somewhere.

    In answer to the questions, ds always used to settle better for dh. But babies change constantly, everyone here is always telling me that. Now ds wants to be fed to sleep so he wont settle for dh. This is a new thing.

    We looked into a nanny but couldnt find one where we would not be required to sort out the tax & super etc for the nanny & we didnt want to do that. I dont understand a lot of that stuff. So we had to take what we could get in terms of childcare

  5. #34
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    Yes, babies are constantly changing and circumstances change too. How rude to suggest that someone should not keep asking for help just because their situation doesn't remain exactly the same between posts.
    And as nice as it is that people have offered to take the OP to appointments, I for one certainly wouldn't want to be taking lifts from random internet people or giving out the kind of personal information that this would require.
    I thought the point of bubhub was to be able to ask questions and get advice from other parents. Ask away, OP. This parenting gig is tough.

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  7. #35
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    It's a tough one. I understand where A-Squared is coming from, and I do actually think she is coming from a place of compassion. I can tell she took a lot of time over her post and I don't think her intention was to deter OP from posting.

    However I do agree that bh is absolutely the place to support anxious frazzled mummas who don't have a lot of irl support. Hey I'm one of them.
    @heartstringz the number of people who respond to your threads is I hope an indication of how many people you have behind you. Is it actually helpful to you to get such a range of advice or do you find it overwhelming? When you come on here to vent as we all do, does it help for people to tell you to hang in there and try to lift you up, or do you want people to empathise that it can just be really $h!t at times?

    I had a horrible time with my DS for lots of reasons. I struggled to bond. He didn't sleep. I had PND and anxiety. When I see your posts that are kind of defeatist and negative I try to send you some positive thoughts because it helped me to hear them, but maybe it makes things worse for you? I'm really not sure and I am genuinely interested in your thoughts.

    Lots of us here really do care about your DS and your own wellbeing. Please know that.

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  9. #36
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    Default Tough love - getting baby to take a bottle/cup

    I totally get what a-squared is saying and really think she was doing her best to not come off mean. Yes, this parenting gig is ducking hard. Yes, bubhub is a place to turn to for anonymous support. Yes, I wouldn't take anyone up on personal help as well. BUT as I've said before, since you were pregnant, I genuinely do not think anything is going to change until you get your anxiety under control. So much that you feel is a big deal or overwhelming now will seize to be once your anxiety is gone. I think a-squared was speaking from a place of frustration that I have often felt from reading your threads, it's frustrating to know, and offer advice that will truly help and to feel like it's ignored and to continue to read how hard everything is. I have been in your shoes and I am telling you that getting your anxiety under control will mean that you will not stress as much about:

    -his sleep
    -starting solids
    -trying finger foods
    -bottles
    -water
    -going for walks
    -etc

    I'm not saying everything about being a mom magically becomes a piece of cake once your PND/anxiety is under control but it also doesn't feel so frightening and defeating. It all feels possible.

    I've been on anti-anxiety meds the past 6 months. They helped immensely and I am now successfully weaning off them, no side effects, still feeling less anxious. Please, please stop making excuses. You being such a ball of frightened and tense energy does you, your DS and your DH a disservice.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-03-2015 at 00:47.

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  11. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    .
    I thought the point of bubhub was to be able to ask questions and get advice from other parents. Ask away, OP. This parenting gig is tough.
    I wasn't suggesting that she can't ask questions anymore, but she needs to be more specific. We hear from the OP numerous times every single day and we can't help if we don't understand what she needs help with.

    I also think in the OPs specific situation, getting 50 million different responses every single day for ever changing issues isn't actually helping the OP. It just leaves a number of people spending a lot of time giving advice that isn't used as the amount of advice is overwhelming. Hence why I suggested a diary it helps to vent as I think in the OPs situation venting is helpful to her to let out all her stresses.

    I'm not in any way saying she should stop using bub hub, I'm just saying for me personally I don't think it's fruitful for me to personally give her any more advice as it's just met with an ....'okay I'll do that' or an 'okay I'll try that' just like in the most recent post... 'Okay I'll start a diary'. HS you don't have to start a diary it's a suggestion I think will help.

    That's all I'll say on this as I think I was justified in my post and it was done to help the OP and judging by the number if thanks I got from people who have tried to help in the past, I'd say many felt the same I did.

    HS I wasn't trying to offend, just help so I'm sorry if I did offend you, it wasn't my intention.

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  13. #38
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    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    I thought your post appeared sincere and considered @A-Squared and seemed to come from a place of genuine desire to understand.
    Also I think there's merit in questioning the amount of advice any individual is given.
    Personally, when I start a thread looking for advice, I'm almost relieved when only a couple of people respond. I get the opportunity to try one or two ideas instead of being bombarded. Or perhaps feeling obliged to try EVERYTHING.
    As if parenthood isn't confusing enough already!
    And that's certainly no disrespect to everyone who takes the time to help. I just think advice in bulk can be a double edged sword!

    Sorry to derail

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  15. #39
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    I think what you said was well written and honest A-Squared. And constructive, not nasty.

    I don't usually comment on your threads HS as my son isn't born yet and i don't think its appropriate since i haven't been through it! But i often follow along because i like reading the advice.

    I have often felt that the anxiety comes through in your responses HS. I will admit i actually emitted a sigh of relief when you went to sleep school and you were so positive, then it seemed that the routine fell to pieces and it was back to square one. I really feel that trying to stick to something long term will help, sleep school worked for a time and you were so happy. I know its a bit rich coming from me, but id really love to see your strength come through like that again.

    I am petrified of becoming a parent and he's not even here yet! I truly believe the main thing is to look after Mum, (baby needs you!) so i hope you take control and eventually feel strong and confident again. Watching for updates and good luck HS

    Eta-i hope i haven't overstepped a line in my post. I just wanted to let you know you have more people behind you then you might think
    Last edited by heplusme; 06-03-2015 at 21:36.

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  17. #40
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    Just let me say, I don't think A-squared meant to be mean or anything either, I'm sure your intentions were good with your post.

    I guess it just came across as unsupportive to me because I know that when I was struggling with DS I just really needed people to talk to and share my problems with, even if they didn't give me any useful advice. I have to admit I don't read bub hub as much as I used to so I haven't seen all of the OP's posts but if she is posting a lot I'd assume that means she needs more support. I wouldn't want her to feel like she's posting too much if she really needs to talk about things IYKWIM.

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