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  1. #1
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    Default Dd1 not wanting to go to her dads

    So ive been separated from x for over 7yrs now and DD1 (7.5) has been such a trooper and adjusted to all changes without a problem......until now

    Our arrangement is she goes to X every 2nd weekend from friday after school till sunday afternoon.

    We live 2.5hrs apart so this was our best option.

    Today DD1 has chucked a sickie cause she didnt want to go.

    Once i questioned her sickness she admitted she just didnt want to go cause she's sick of all the driving so wanted to stay home.

    X is obviously not pleased as he wanted her for the weekend.

    Looking for suggestions of arrangements so i can try and sort something out with X thats agreeable to us both and accommodating DD1's wants

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    how would a once a month visit work?? maybe it would be just for a short while, and your dd might not mind the long trip when she has a bit of a break from it.?? or is there anyway of a halfway point meeting place?? like some park or somewhere you could spend a day , and stop the weekend visit for just a little time?? very hard to have such a distance between you. marie

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    I think once a month might be a good proposal.

    We have tried meeting halfway so he can take her for lunch etc before but he spends the whole time acting like he cant wait to get away and legs it as soon as he decides its been long enough.
    For example there was a kids carnival on one day around the halfway point. We had planned on taking all our kids so i asked X if he wanted to meet us there and spend time with DD1 which he did.
    Within 45min of having her (we took our other kids in opposite direction to leave them to it) he was calling me to find where i was to give her back so he could leave.

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    It's hard when you are so far from each other.
    I currently have my DD here with me due to the same issue; my boys go every second Friday- Sun like your kids, but DD was freaking out about going for 2 nights, so after a fair bit of strong negotiations on my part, DD only goes Sat night. I drive her there on Sat after lunch. But we're only about 20 mins from each other.

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    the distance is the roadblock cause even if i take her halfway she is still travelling the full distance.

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    Maybe try and dig a little to see why she doesn't want to go (apart from the drive). Totally different example, but my DD started refusing to go to my mums place to be babysat and started saying she wanted it go to my MILs instead (lol if I'd told my mum that part she would have been irrate) so I gently asked her why and she just kept saying that she didn't want to go (she's only 4 so struggles to articulate sometimes what she's feeling), but when I observed them together I noticed my mum takes on the disciplinarian role to strongly with her, rather than being the soft cuddly grandma my MIL is. I chatted to mum and told her to calm down with the discipline and leave it up to me. And that pretty much fixed the problem. Good luck!

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    I'm pretty sure at 8 they can be assess to see if they are mentally mature enough to make the decision for them self... Might be 10 though but having a girl they mature quicker so maybe try look into that. She might get a choice soon enough.

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    Ive spoken to her a few times this arvo about it assuring her she isn't in trouble i just want to know why.
    She consistently says she is sick of the travel and she'd rather just be at home.
    Other reasons include its boring, dad gets cranky all the time, she doesn't have any friends, the only place they visit is her nannas.........

    All the above 'other' reasons I've mentioned to X quite a few times but he doesn't think they are valid and wont listen to me.
    There is a distinct difference in our parenting and what DD used to find funny and silly about him she now finds annoying.

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    She is afraid to tell him how she feels and what she wants because she doesnt want to disappoint him or make him sad.
    In the past when she has tried to tell him things he acts all sad and guilts her back into whatever it was she was telling him she didnt want/like.

    Whereas at our house we say things pretty straight so she has no qualms about speaking her mind at home

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    We have consent orders but they were drawn up when she was only 10mths old and a LOT has changed for all of us in the past 7yrs so their relevance seems less & less all the time.

    Our distance is 190ish km which is usually 2.5hrs but can easily turn into over 3 or more with traffic and with our times being friday late arvo and sunday arvo it more often than not takes extra time


 

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